I recently seen a shooting star burning brightly for a second before vanishing into the darkness. Like Dan, it burned brightly, if only for a short time. At some point in every life something bad will happen. It’s inevitable and there will be nothing you can do about it except decide how you’ll handle it. Because sometimes you aren’t able to make lemonade out of what life hands you. Sometimes theres just no lemons or sugar left in the house.
I feel lonely and alone at times. It is not a loneliness that can be filled by other people though. It comes from the realization of how each of us must face the final leg of our journey alone. We may have others around to help send us off but still, we each have our own ticket. A solo one way ride. I guess I’m ok with it though as I have never been very good at endings or goodbyes. I am grateful for this body. It has and continues to serve me well. It is this body through which I experience life on this earth. It is how I feel the sun, the rain, the wind, smell the ocean air and feel the connection to other beings. I feel deep gratitude for my life, for the time I have had, for the time I have at this moment, for whatever time I may have left. I have loved and been loved. I look forward to more of that. I cherish each moment. I feel loneliness and can also smile at the sweet remembrances of loves that I have been graced enough to have in my life. Smiles that others may not understand but I know. I remember. I am grateful.
I feel joy at sunrises and sunsets, with more poignant joy grief at sunsets. I suppose I just resonate more with sunsets these days. What an absolute delight and sorrow it is to be alive. I am filled with Awe and with Gratefulness. I am filled with Horror and with Hope. And I am filled with Beauty and with Tragedy. And that is truly what it is to live and experience life. Grief like this causes us to stop and think and to ponder its meaning and the big questions of life. It is that questioning that brings us back into ourselves to reflect but it is also what causes us to connect with others during the times of sorrow. For we are all hurting and seeking ways to connect.
So I’ll say it again just as these great words were uttered at the end of “For Whom the Bell Tolls”
“I hate to leave it, is all. I hate to leave it very much, and I hope I have done some good in it… The world is a fine place worth fighting for, and I hate very much to leave it."
