There are so many poisons in this world. From drugs to a hateful thought. All around us, everywhere we look. Ive been thinking lately and ive come to the conclusion I am a poison. A bad one. I’m toxic. I drink too much and when I do i hurt the ones i love, embarrass myself, make horrible decisions etc. Ive tried many times to change thinking alochol was the poison. But i think I’m my own poison. i just want to be a better person. Thats all i want.
I look at it as the product of the poison. We are generally good people, but throw in a few booze and we’re Jekyll and Hyde.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. My boyfriend still stands by me when I don’t deserve his love.
Though I wouldn’t use your exact words and call anyone a poison, you’re right that we have traits and behaviours that are poisonous, and I strongly believe in correcting those parts of us alongside of just only stopping the drink. If I understand the terms correctly, this is the difference between recovery and abstinence.
Alcohol is literally and figuratively a poison, my alcoholism and alcoholic behaviours are poison, I am the piece that chooses to keep the poison around or leave it behind.
I believe your inner being/true self is not a poison. Why? We can walk away from poison and no longer poison others or ourselves.
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Thank you for your words.
I know what you mean. It’s not to late to change tho, and it is possible. It will require you to get out of your comfort zone and learn new things and strengthen key emotions like empathy and compassion. A good place to start is doing a daily random act of kindness and gratitude lists, asking people what can you do for them… things loke that. If you have an open mind, pick up the bible. I’m not religious at all, but there are actually a lot of wise insights in there that everyone can benefit from.
Give it time, be patient and work on being the you that you dream about. You’re worth it, even if you think you aren’t.
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He probably knows the person you are right now. Without any influence from a poison. I recommend embracing the love he has for you. He’s looking past the bad because he knows the good! You may feel you don’t deserve it. I’ve been in those shoes, but don’t push it away like I did.
That means a lot. Thank you.
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