Sorry to hear about the relapse Renea. Your last visit was 3 years ago.
And then you had a relapse too. I do not want to be bold but what are you going to do diffrently this time?
And then you had a relapse too. I do not want to be bold but what are you going to do diffrently this time?
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I got sober when I stopped trying, and when succeeding at being sober daily was my only option and my only mission. I wasn’t “trying” to stay sober, I had to figure out how to do it, daily. And then do it.
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It is horrible cycle. What will you do this time to break the cycle?
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What does that look like to you?
This forum has been a massive aid in my recovery and getting me through the last two years. I notice you have 2 hrs read time and you have been here since 2018. There is a ton of support here, maybe if you hang around some you can learn how to live without alcohol.
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It took me many, many, too many falls to finally tell myself “I’m done”. We fall, we pick ourselves up, and adjust our game plan. I’m on day 41, haven’t posted as much, but I still read on here daily and that helps me a lot. Stay active here. Wish you the best!
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Yeah I made it when I was around 20-21 years old and wanted to help myself then a lot of stuff happened, I ended up deleting the app for a very long time and reinstalled it a few months ago.
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I feel like that is where I’m at… If I think too much on the future I think “maybe I’ll drink on Friday bc I’ll feel better by then” I need to change that. I need to focus on each day only. Thank you for your advice.
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I think I’m just going to focus on each day this time. I’ll go weeks sometimes months without drinking and then something happens and I start drinking again. I always think I can handle it again. And obviously I can’t. So this time, I’m just going to focus on each day. And start journaling how I feel sober and do my best to remind myself what I’m like when I’m not sober. Bc I go for so long without drinking and I assume I’m healed. Over and over again. It’s so annoying. It’s like I gaslight myself.
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There is a difference between successfully not drinking and growing your sobriety. The difference is that you are far more likely to eliminate the thought that the next episode will be something you can handle by growing your sobriety.
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Thank you. I truly appreciate that. That is very helpful. Growing my sobriety.
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Welcome back, I’m glad you’re here.
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Welcome back Ren!
In all of us here on Talking Sober there is a voice, the “addict brain”, which is in the wings, on the side, waiting for us to stop trying. We have a choice to make: we wake up and work our sobriety (that looks different from person to person but in general it is connecting with others, groups, new healthy activities and hobbies, and developing yourself as a person - not running from life anymore, and instead trying to live it and grow and understand yourself and your world) - we can choose to work our sobriety that day, or we can choose not to. If we choose not to, that chitter-chatter of the addict brain will get louder and louder until one day we succumb, we give in.
You’re not a bad person. In one of your earlier posts you said,
That is a hard belief to have about yourself. To believe you, yourself, are somehow exclusively the cause of your struggle - that you are somehow a “bad seed”, incapable of not being “bad” - is heavy, heavy, desperately heavy.
Maybe you don’t have that specific belief about yourself any more but still you feel
Where did you learn this idea you were somehow less-than-worthy? Where did you pick up this idea that you didn’t deserve the same standards everyone gets, that you didn’t deserve to be imperfect just like the rest of humanity?
Where did you learn not to accept yourself?
I’ll say this: you’re a wonderful human Ren. I am not kidding. You are a human and you have the mind and the soul and the heart that comes with being a human. You have a life just like all of us do. You obviously know you want to be doing something different with your time instead of drinking - and that is the first step to getting past this.
You have a choice to make Ren: do you want this demon off your back? Do you want to get some confidence to take a stand against this “addict brain”?
It sounds like you do. So what are you going to do?
I would suggest you hit a meeting, and keep going, and keep an open mind and don’t ever give up:
https://www.aa.org/find-aa/north-america
There are meetings online too:
Take some sober time and read / listen to some books about it - you’ll understand yourself better:
And while you’re doing all this take some time to reflect on why you’ve got this idea you’re “toxic” or “unworthy” or “hopeless”. Where did this thinking come from? It’s been with you for years, since you were a kid. Where did it start?
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Welcome Mike! 
Day one is part of sickness, not part of recovery.
It’s possible day by day I admit I’m powerless over alcohol – that my life had become unmanageable
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Great outlook and welcome!
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I have relapsed also . Just keep trying if you really want to quit !
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Make it easy for yourself try a meeting might help wish you well
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Thank you so much. Omg that really moved me, made me tear up a bit. I will definitely take your advice. I’ve looked into the AA meetings in my area and I am from a very small area so they’re pretty much non-existent. And not very anonymous since everyone here knows each other. I will for sure check out the online meetings with the link you provided. Thank you again for the kind words and making me think about how I see myself.
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My pleasure Ren. Never give up and remember: you’re a good person and you deserve a safe life where you can look at yourself in the mirror, and respect yourself. Yes life has its ups and downs but you deserve to be your supporter; you deserve to be supported (by yourself and by people who respect you - and you do deserve respect).
You’re a good person Ren. Take care and keep checking in here. You matter! 
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It might be worthwhile if you can, to get some counselling about this. It’s not mandatory of course but my personal experience has been that unpacking these “core beliefs” about worthiness and personal / self-concept - it’s helpful to have that individual attention from a counsellor.
However - as I said that is just if you have the opportunity. Sobriety groups are the fundamental tool and will help you get clean, and they’ll also be a space where you can explore who you are and what you believe (about yourself and about the world). And that is a huge step forward!
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