Couple weeks ago I posted my story in details. I found out that my fiancee, the mother of my sons had been cheating on me while she was abusing substance on a daily basis. We worked it out I decided to stay because I know thats not who she was when she is sober. I had a hard time with drugs and alcohol after finding out but I got over it and face my problems with sobriety.
We were having the best time we had in a long time and I was about to move back home with her and the children. I was happy, she seemed happy too. But something was off and I had lot of problems with trust after being cheated on. I couldn’t help myself and look in her messenger.
My worst fear came true. She was not only abusing cocaine and spending everything she had on it but she was also sleeping with her dealer to get it for free and she was cheating on me with a friend of ours.
She cried and told me she was lost and didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t want to do it but she couldn’t control herself. I went out and had a big relapse at my appartement alone. I was missing the kids and her but I would not be going back living in thiw situation. My heart was shattered and I was looking to numb the pain with alcohol and drugs.
I fought my addiction for so long but the last year I’ve been relapsing a lot because of our relationship problems. After a couple days I decided to let my ego aside and talk to her. She convinced me she stopped and begged to come back home. I did it.
Last Wednesday she ask me to go back to my apartment because she needed time alone. 2 days later I found out she is not dating the “friend” she had been cheating on me with. She dropped the kid at my place on Thursday and told me she was going to his place and that we were done because she has feelings for him now and she wants to be with him.
Its been a hard weekend trying not to cry infront of the children. This morning (sunday) she came to pick up the kids. She entered my place like nothing ever happened, she started talking about her weekend with him and telling me I should be happy for her instead of being angry at the situation. Now she is gone with the kids to go to his place.
I opened the bottle and started crying. I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t take anymore of the way she behave. She is a good mom and a fantastic women. She studied hard to get her degree and for the last year she has been doing stuff I couldn’t imagine her doing. I’m so lost I don’t recognize the women I love but it hurts so much seeing her like that.
I flush the rest of the bottles. My friend is coming to pick me up but I needed to get this out of my chest. We work so hard to stay sober and when stuff like that happens its so hard to keep fighting. I feel like giving up on life, giving up on me. I just want this horror movie to be done.
Damn, Kev this is deep stuff. I truly feel for you. It is so tuff when you find out a love one was using as well as the infidelity aspects of the relationship. I hate to say this, but it might be time to move on from this toxic relationship. You can not jeopardize your own sobriety. It has to come first, or it will fail. That is how this disease works. I’m glad you realize what you did and flushed the bottles. It might be beneficial to hit a meeting tonight. I use the Meeting Guide app to find meetings that might be of interest to me. You have to keep fighting for your own sake brother. The fact that you spent the time to type up this post shows me that you can still do this. Feel free to shoot me a message if you need to talk.
She is not deserving of the complements you are giving her in this post and she does not have the right to tell you how to feel. If you do not confront her about how horrible she has treated you and wronged you I do not feel this will get much better for you…
Good work staying sober through it all. That shows a lot of personal strength.
That sounds really sad, upsetting and frustrating. I hope you will have some solid time with your friend and stay sober. Drinking will definitely not help you feel any better. I am sorry life is rough right now. Do what you can to take care of yourself and your kids. Glad you vented here.
Aww man. This story breaks my heart. You sound like a really sweet person and loving dad and partner. You ex does not deserve your kindness if this is how she treats you. Total shitshow. I’m so sorry.
How was your time with your friend? How are you today?
Remember to cling to your sobriety for dear life. The way your ex is losing her shit and changing in active addition - this will be you in no time if you don’t work on staying sober. The relapse spiral will eat you right up. And what will happen to your kids then? Be strong for them now, and for yourself, you guys deserve happiness and safety.
Absolutely horrible. I can’t imagine. Being cheated on is my worst fear at this point. People can just be so heartless. She is deep in & I recommend if you really want to stay together you should probably go to couples therapy. & She needs to get sober. Otherwise, there’s always 8bil other people in the world. Ik it’s hell. I wish u the best of luck
It all fucking sucks. Well, if you feel she has cleaned herself up and is doing well, now it’s time to focus on you. Emotionally, mentally and physically.
The rooms of AA and NA have been there for millions of folks like us.
Doing healthy things for us starts with us doing those tough things, right?
This place helps, counselors for mental health and substance abuse help. Going to meetings help… it’s damn near free therapy for us thisty people!
Life fucking sucks at times, but we do heal from the pain that others cause. It simply takes time and remembering we have no control over others. Hugs my friend
I’m a big fan of getting rid of the “noise” in someone’s life. Functional people tend to have little noise in their lives. Noise is all the unnecessary stress and dysfunction you don’t need in your life that you can control. So control the noise.
I know it’s tough to hear and a major reason I choose to be sober but choosing a spouse who has a drug or alcohol problem is one of the poorest life decisions a person can make. She has made the decision for you to leave so make her stick to it. Sobriety is tough enough solo or with a supportive spouse. High value individuals do not take back cheaters, especially cheaters who just rug sweep behavior and just show back up in your life because they said a meaningless sorry.
You are a high value person no matter where you are in sobriety. Put your children and sobriety first.
Sounds like you gave her many chances, but she just would not commit to you the way you committed to her. That is her loss. I cannot imagine the hurt. It is ok to have many feelings and to feel them sorely. It will take time for those feelings to ease. As others have said, your sobriety and your kids are the most important things. You need to be sober to navigate this hard situation. You can and will move forward eventually.
