I am 22 days clean from alcohol. I have been trying to start therapy since the beginning of March. First I had to do all the paperwork. Then they had me come back to ask me a bunch of questions so they could figure out what I needed help with the most. Then they had me do a video call with a doctor to talk about my medications and changing the dosages if needed. Today I was scheduled to start my actual therapy session. I get there on time and had to wait 15 minutes to be seen. Finally the therapist calls me back. Talks to me again about why I am there and what I need help with even though she had the questions I answered previously already up on her computer. She literally talked to me for maybe 10 minutes and told me she was going to help me by doing some EDMR therapy with my eyes to help with trauma I went through with my house fire 3 months ago and that it should be “quick” so I dont have to constantly come to therapy. She tells me we will start therapy in 2 weeks and that was all she had to say.
I was pretty frustrated. I have had to repeat myself over and over as to why I am needing therapy and it is right there in my file why I need help. Then when the therapist was basically saying that therapy she does is quick and will get me out of therapy faster made me feel like she is rushing me out already. I just want the help I’ve been needing for so long and I feel like it’s getting nowhere. This is the kind of day where I am wanting to drink so bad but I am fighting the urge. I just want to stop feeling so helpless and alone…
Am I reading too much into it or does it seem like I have a reason to be frustrated?
Therapists are just like anything else….change them out when they aren’t needed or don’t suit your needs. But I totally understand your frustration! You’ve been waiting a long time to see someone, talk to someone, get professional help and they tell you it’s quick?
I know it took a long time to see this one, but is it possible to “shop around” for another therapist? I’ve left 3 therapists because they weren’t a good fit for me.
I wanted to try to see how things go in our actual therapy session and decide from there. The place I am going to will switch therapists if I don’t feel like I click with the one i have. I just hate the fact that i felt rushed today meeting her and we haven’t even started anything yet.
I would express my frustration to the therapist. Finding my voice in sobriety has been huge. For too long, I expected others to know what I was thinking or feeling and wind up drinking over it. It’s very freeing to say what’s on my mind these days.
I really struggle with that. I just don’t think some sort of eye therapy is going to help me. I want some real help. Someone that I can talk to that can help me through why I feel the need to drink when I’m dealing with the trauma from my house fire.
Its frustrating some times in dealing with professionals. Some are great and others not so much. I’ve had some that have the worst people skills and u think as psychiatrists etc they would have better skills. If u are not happy about what is being presented to u for therapy, u have every right to ask questions and to speak ur mind. I used to ask this alot of why certain meds were being given to me or even if I felt like I was being dismissed, I would say to them, “I’m not trying to be a pain but I’m not feeling comfortable with this. I feel like I need more extensive therapy and right now I don’t feel like I’m getting this”. This is YOUR therapy session and YOUR life, they are dealing with. You have ever right to speak up if you don’t feel OK with what’s happening. You can ask for more information about this type of therapy or why they are choosing it. U can ask what other options u have for therapy. U CAN speak up. Just cuz they are a professionals, doesn’t mean they know everything
I really love your comment. I will definitely remember that. I am not used to speaking up for myself. But I really need to learn to start. Asking questions is not always an easy thing for me to come up with. I know I need to put my mental health first but this experience has just turned me off to therapy even though I know it is needed. I’m hoping I can find somewhere else that will help me instead.
I been through a few therapists, and I learned that you are your own best advocate my therapist taught me that.
It is frustrating navigating through the hoops and bullshit only to be treated like a number. I feel that like your cattle just being herded through the door, no
I’d say try a therapy session with your therapist, a therapist is a very personal relationship between themselves and a client, think of it like a sponsor. If you had a sponsor who was just well shitty or didn’t fit you’d move on from them and find another no hard feelings just not a good fit
My therapist, is pretty blunt and to the point, but gives you assignments and such. Good dude and he makes you think and change your own behaviors through you working with him. For me it works, he’s also the first to say not every therapist is right for everyone, that’s for you to decide
It took 8 months between me reaching out and finally being paired with my current analytic therapist, 10 months before we could start therapy, when she had an opening. I had to fill out paperwork and have four long interviews with different therapists assessing me before I could meet her.
I think you might be creating a problem where there isn’t one. If you’re not happy with this lady, you don’t click or simply don’t want EMDR but proper talking therapy, look on! You’re right at the start of your journey. I know it can feel sad when you want to get started but… You gotta put some patience and work into it. It’ll be worth it.
I have a similar situation now (TW depression/suicide)
I’ve been seeking help for months. I finally got off the wait-list and had 2 meetings now and everything has just felt wrong. She told me that my porn use (which is compulsive, and I’m trying to quit because it’s taking over my life) is actually fine and wouldn’t believe that it’s causing issues. Then she told me that my religion (which I told her is the one thing that’s really truly kept me alive through the past several years) is just weighing me down and that if I really want to get better I should cut ties (WHAT?). Then she told me that my parents were responsible for my problems and I actually just walked out (because I had already told her how supportive my parents are and how close I am with them both, and she clearly didn’t listen).
I assume that this isn’t normal for therapists to do things like this… But how has she been practicing for 25+ years? I wanted to die more after those two sessions than I had for months previously.
I was able to get on another wait-list, but moved to the top, and should have an appointment with a new one by the end of the month.
Feel free to share thoughts; I wanted to get it out there
A therapist with that much experience will know what they are doing although that’s not to say that you and they have not been able to form a positive working relationship.
Also, therapy can often make you feel worse before you feel better as old, comfortable ways of thinking are brought into question. Trust in the process is essential.
I hope your appointment at the end of the month is more suitable for you but try to keep an open mind.
That doesn’t sound right at all. Not all therapists are created equal. They are human with their biases as well. If your gut is throwing up red flags, it needs to be paid attention too. My participation in AA and other recovery groups provides an incredible amount of support and understanding. My therapist focuses on healing other aspects that can be worked on because I’m finally alcohol free. Sorry you had that experience.
Not all therapists are a good fit. It is okay to look for someone who feels more in line with your values. And yes, therapy can make you feel destabilized, this would be something to discuss with the therapist and have some grounding techniques for when you feel that way. It is definitely important to trust your therapist and feel at ease sharing with them. Glad you listened to your self.
Yep that definitely sounds like that therapist is not the one for you.
Personally I have found, for me, therapists are useful for issues that are about communication or connection (or disconnection). My wife and I have seen 4-5 relationship therapists over the years, some were good, one was superb, and the superb one gave us coaching and homework that helped us turn our marriage around. Therapists for me have been helpful at specific points in my life.
Addiction recovery I have found is more about a journey with fellow travellers in recovery. The learning and the growth is from the journey together, mostly from the frustrations and the weaknesses (which are at the core of what makes me anxious or jittery). The more experienced travellers share with the new travellers, and vice versa; everyone is learning with each step on the path. There’s something about that journey for me that goes beyond what’s possible in therapy. All my deepest insights and transformations have happened on that path.
It’s definitely a multifaceted thing. Don’t give up; keep searching.
I posted this a year ago but i see its been getting comments lately so I will update.
After this place gave me the run around I found a therapist at a Women’s Counseling center. She has been a life saver! I went from sering her every week, to every 2 weeks, to now whenever I feel like I need to talk to her. I am still sober and coming up to 15 months without alcohol!
Wow!!! Congratulations on your 15 months, that is fabulous and so much to be proud of. I am glad you preservered and found a therapist who is a good fit and helps you.
