Admitting that you have a problem is a big step and you have just tackled that one, congratulations! 
Welcome here! Take your time to read all about your addiction and learn how to beat it.
It helps to be here much!
If you need help: just ask! There is allways someone around to talk to.
Hi Trisha, You sound a lot like me! I had about 10 years of going to AA, inpatient and outpatient rehab, counseling and short courses of Antabuse. Most of that time I was still drinking and only interested in sobriety only for as long as needed to get me out of my latest jackpot.
When I did get sober, I had what I thought at the time was a mild hallucination, which I have since come to recognize as a spiritual experience. During my last arrest for DUI, time stood still and I clearly heard a voice saying “Everything is gonna be alright. I’ll be able to stop drinking now.”
Following that, I went to my arraignment and was released on bail. The next day, I went to my doctor and went back on Antabuse. The next Monday, I went back to counseling and told her the truth. After a few weeks, I had to stop the Antabuse due to side effects. So I went back to AA and did what was suggested. My attitude was to learn and absorb what they had, which was contented serene sobriety. Meanwhile, I was dealing with my legal consequences, including giving a breath sample every day for 5 months. I was sentenced to 3 years, most of it on house arrest and supervision, so I was able to continue my job.
I knew I had to change my alcohol intake. And I knew that to do so, I had to have an attitude of humble willingness. And I was granted that willingness, sitting in my car waiting for the cop to walk up to the window. I cannot tell you how to find that willingness for yourself. But when you do, make it your one job to get to bed sober. One day, just a few hours really, at a time.
From that moment on, honestly, everything has been alright. I’ve stayed sober no matter what. I’ve found that peace that I was desperately seeking in the bottle. I pray you find it too. Get busy being sober - nothing is more important than that. 
