I’m almost 24 years old, and recently alcohol has taken over my life. I’ve been clean for a little bit over 1 day, but I want to get clean because drinking is starting to effect my relationships.
I’m mean to my boyfriend for no reason, Friday I threw a lot of crumbs off a plate and all over the top of his head. I don’t remember this. Saturday, I threw some car keys to a friend and apparently they hit her in the face. I don’t remember this either and I was told I felt no remorse. To top it all off, I was yelling at my boyfriend to get out and go home because I didn’t want to be around him anymore. We almost broke up over it.
I want to get better. I want to be able to control my drinking. I want to be able to have a few drinks and stop and enjoy a relaxing weekend for once.
Is it possible to even do that or should I just quit?
Things are completely out of hand for me too. I think in our heads we tell ourselves we can learn to moderate I wish I could but the truth is I can’t go 5 days without getting blackout drunk so something’s gotta give. Sometimes I can stop at a ‘couple’ most times I drink until I pass out and forget a ton of stuff I have done usually bad…I’m basically the same age as you and it’s very hard when most people see it as the social thing to do. But it doesn’t make me happy it just makes things worse and I want to stop. I can’t trust myself to only have a couple but go mad and act in very unpredictable ways. If I could I wouldn’t be here.
Can you drink normally? Maybe. Who knows. You’re young so you don’t have as many drunk years developing your dependence. I know that I can NOT drink normally. I’ve tried. Every time I try I slip right back into daily drinking, hiding my drinking, driving after drinking…NOT GOOD STUFF!!
Ask yourself “why do I want to drink normally?”. We have been conditioned to believe that a little bit of drinking is completely normal. Warm summers on a patio with a cold chardonay. Watching the Super Bowl with beers. Christmas mornings with Bailey’s in the coffee. But why? Because the alcohol companies want you to buy their product. That is the ONLY reason why we think this is normal. There is absolutely nothing good about alcohol. Really, nothing. Maybe you can become a person that can have one and leave it and then it will never truly harm your health, but that still doesn’t change the fact that alcohol offers NOTHING good for us. It is a poison. A small amount of poison may not kill us but it is still poison. So really, WHY do you want to drink normally? Could a lemonade or tea bring you just as much pleasure as the chardonay or beer?
I think you’re right. I don’t think I’d ever be able not to have only a couple drink at this time. I’m really pushing to be clean for a least a week. I have been drinking everyday for the past couple months. I don’t always get blacked out drunk but when I do it’s bad.
I do all those things in 1. I want to be able to drink normally with friends and family so I don’t get emotional and cry with my mom or fight with my friends and also because I don’t want it to cause health issues. As or non alcoholic drinks, I wouldn’t choose them over alcoholic ones.
Seems like alcohol is affecting you negatively… Seems like you turn into someone you dont want to be when drinking. How bad does It have to get before you make some changes?
I personally have tried controlled drinking, and I might succeed for a little bit, but when it’s all said and done, I’m back to drinking a lot. Blacking out and being mean. That was it for me. I turned into someone I wasnt happy with, so I changed. I was pushing the people I loved away and that’s the last thing I wanted to do.
It seems like a simple change, stop drinking, but easier said than done. I could stop for a day or 2 then I was right back at it. So IF you do want to stop, put some tools in place to help you stay stopped. People on the forum have great suggestions on the staying stopped…
Everyone is different. For me it was “simple” …the only path was to quit. The only amount i could drink was zero. After that I could not control it, and that lead down a dark path. 31 days into this after decades of drinking, and ton of failing to quit…I can tell you my life is better. I wont drink today, and that makes today better.
There were long periods where I could have 2. However, there was always a struggle going on in my head, and it would completely take any fun out of the social event…the struggle to just have 2 caused anxiety…and eventuall the drunken cycle would begin anyway…
I can tell you that by the time I was 24 I was a full blown alcoholic. I would drink socially in that I would get hammered in public, but I’ve never had the ability to control my drinking. I’ve never had a problem that drinking couldn’t make worse. It’s been my experience that if you have to ask other people if you can drink normally then you probably can’t. There’s plenty of people who can have a beer or two and not worry about drinking 20 more after that or if they are going to end up in jail or dead. I am not one of those people.
I’m almost 5 years further down the line than you. My drinking has increased massively from 5 years ago to now. I remember when I was in my early twenties I would drink once or twice a week. It’s creeped up on me alot. At this point it’s even affecting my job and health and like you my relationship with my boyfriend. I’m going to try a smart meeting and I really hope it will help me. Take care and if you want to ever chat we are in similar situations so feel free to reach out
Yeah there is times I have stopped and felt deprived or like I want to continue drinking after just a few so I know what you mean about that struggle causing anxiety. Once I have the first few drinks lately i can never tell if I’m going to be able to stop or will I just continue until passing out. Last few months it’s more and more become the latter which quite honestly is not sustainable for me or probably most people.
Why would you not choose a non-alcoholic drink over alcoholic? I mean that as a question to ask yourself, not really to answer to me (it’s really none of my business). If you really think that you could never choose non-alcoholic over alcoholic drink perhaps that is a sign that you DO need to just quit. Just sayin’.
I can’t say anything for you and a lot has already been said by others who have your same addiction. It seems to me that when it gets to the point where you’re blacking out and can’t remember things, the problem has accelerated from worrysome to grave. I’m a pornography addict. I know that I can’t just casually look at questionable images or entertain lustful thoughts, because (as I’ve said in other strands) those are inescapable riptides that are going to drag you out to sea.
You’ll have to decide, but those sound like some great kinds of moments to avoid like the dickens. And it’s probably nice to stop problematic drinking sooner than later (I wouldn’t know!).
Except I might. My drinking past is littered with moments where I might have changed course sooner. But I didn’t. But I DID change course before the inevitable worse moments that were hanging out on my porch, waiting to come in. I’m glad to have avoided that future Me who would be thinking of past moments.
You’ll be the person to decide what your trajectory will be based on your past and your present!
When I was in my 20’s, I did some of the things you mention and more. I had a real capability for destruction along with a crappy temper. I lost a lot of friends. Unlike you, I didn’t reach out to anyone and I didn’t question my allegiance to alcohol. I did however, begin making adjustments. First, I cut out shots. I figured that without that rocket fuel injection, I would be a better behaved drinker. When that didn’t work, I started to cut out mixed drinks and liquor. I became quite the beer drinker. My thirties could be dedicated to Yuengling. And to peeing on residential streets in daylight before getting into my car to slalom my way to another bar. I learned that I am perfectly capable of getting blackout drunk, humiliating the hell out of myself and being super obnoxious just on crappy beer. I kept the “I’m not an alcoholic I only drink beer” fiction going into my 40’s. At all times in my drinking career, I was able to point to people around me who drank more; who had bigger consequences from their drinking. THEY were alcoholics. Not me. And I allowed that to justify my continued pursuit of liquid fun. I wasted decades being wasted. I would try to control my drinking for the night but the truth is that I don’t like one drink, I like twelve. I would prefer not drink at all if I knew I couldn’t go for the gold. So long as I tried to moderate myself, I was walking a line that I truly wanted to fall off of. The tension of stopping at the warm glow before the free fall was something I was unable to manage. Once I had a little, I wanted a lot. And so for me, the only answer that works is total sobriety. And honestly, it’s so much easier now. Everything is so much easier now.
So long as I tried to moderate myself, I was walking a line that I truly wanted to fall off of. The tension of stopping at the warm glow before the free fall was something I was unable to manage. Once I had a little, I wanted a lot. And so for me, the only answer that works is total sobriety. And honestly, it’s so much easier now. Everything is so much easier now." Blockquote
This is so my experience, thank you for writing it so precisely.
When I’ve taken my month+ hiatus’ from drinking in the past, it’s been such a relief because I don’t have to think about drinking, I don’t have to want to drink, I don’t crave drink.
Moderation is not my friend.
And a successful hiatus from drinking doesn’t mean I don’t have a problem, for when i drink I always want more.
I’m only 9 days sober but I will tell you when I transitioned into this journey (and now) I can’t think about forever not drinking. I’m not there yet. I can think about not drinking today- or this week. Yes I hope to never drink again at some level but part of me isn’t at all happy or excited about that. That’s ok. I’m grieving it. I’m missing it. But my WHY for getting sober is more important than my missing it, you know?
I relate to your story so much! I’m also 24 and am only 26 days sober. All of my relationships and my self worth have been damaged by my drinking for years and honestly even with only 26 days they have improved and yours will too! It’s so worth it and AA isn’t as scary as it seems if you would be willing to give that or SMART recovery a go. Meditation is also something I’ve found helpful. If you are able to control it good for you but if you’ve tried that before and it doesn’t work then that’s where you know it’s a problem.
Wishing you the best of luck in your journey and hope you feel better soon!
