So, I’m only into day 4 of sobriety and I can’t say I feel anything other than depressed, anxious and stressed. Anytime I have previously stopped drinking there was a positivity around it and I was happy with what I was doing and excited for what it meant. There were always low days but never at the start and never like this. This feels different. I don’t know if it is because I’m set on living a sober life (I don’t have that “I’ll probably go back to it at some point” thinking). I don’t know if it is because I want to focus on this with all my energy but I have all the usual responsibilities stealing my attention and energy. I don’t know if it’s that I’m embarrassed that my wife knows.
I knew today I would be on my own. Yesterday, I got shot of the empty bottles I had left over. There is one bottle, essentially full, left and I actively decided not to throw it away or empty it. I don’t know why I’ve done that. I have always hated the moment when I would finish what I had and realized I didn’t have any more. I think my addict brain was still controlling that part of me. I know I thought “I could just have a few while no-one is around”. I dont want that now that I’m in a position to do it but scared to go to the kitchen to empty the bottle!
I know this is a negative post and I apologize to anyone reading this where it is the last thing they want to see. I just expected to feel a bit better by now and not sure why this time feels so different. So bad.
Thats why we are here man, i was having a rough day yesterday myself. But the people here helped me get through it. I would suggest pouring what you have out if you really dont wanna use anymore. Best of luck to you. We’re here if you need support, keep comin back!
I think you already felt sad, but drank it away. Now you feel sobriety. It can suck. But the lows are less low and the ups are much higher and much longer. How about you just worry about today. Today is all that matters. Just for today you’ll be sober. I know that thinking about never gaming again used to make it hard to breathe for me. Now I have the same thing with never watching tv shows again, terrifying. But I can manage just one day.
As for that last bottle, if you don’t trust yourself to successfully pour it out, ask your wife to help you
Appreciate the support. My wife will be back from work around 8pm so I can keep busy and pour it away when she is back. Then that last immediate temptation is away. I’m glad you got through your rough day too. Thanks again.
Appreciate your support. You’re probably right about this just being me not drinking away my feelings. I’ve reached out to a local service so waiting on a phone appointment with them. A counseling type of thing. Hopefully they can help me wrap my head around this and work through some stuff. Yeah I think I’m gonna wait for my wife to get home and then pour it away once she is there.
Appreciate your support and honesty. You are right in what you say and I do want this. I definitely do and making it priority number one is maybe just the mental shift I need to make because until I really read that I was thinking “but I need to focus on work so I can provide” etc but, in reality, if this isn’t focus number one, I could lose my job and the family I want to provide for.
Exactly, im not good to anyone, job, family, friends unless i put my recovery first. It has to be the most important thing, if seems selfish but everything else just seems to fall into place when sober.
Thank you for taking the time to explain where you are now. We are in this battle together
It is perfectly normal to feel bummed out and depressed, and that is okay. Emotions come and go if we allow them to. Glad you are working toward sobriety and hopefully you poured out that last bottle. It is not easy those first days, minutes, hours, weeks…but it and you are definitely worth fighting for. I know for myself, I was deep down low and depressed while drinking and relapsing all the time. Once I hit my stride in sobriety, life felt less stressful and I was able to start working thru all the reasons why I was numbing myself and treating my self like crap over and over. Stay strong and keep working toward a healthy you.
Stay strong- don’t think about forever. Think about being a healthier version of you - today. Today only!
Then tomorrow - being a healthier version of you today!
It really helped me. I CAN DO 1 day/moment at a time. It’s just all about not drinking right now.