So I’m almost at one week?
A couple of days ago I wrote an entry in this community and didn’t expect an answer back.
You guys made me feel SANE and not so alone.
Thank you, so much. Now I am at six days and I don’t know how?
And now to my worry. I’ve been I love with this man for a long time. And yesterday he asked me out. He wanted to get dinner, some drinks and maybe go out to a bar afterwards.
I know that I can’t drink. Not even just one beer, one glass of wine or one cider. I know this. I know it will end in total chaos and a morning full of anxiety, regrets and self loathing.
When this happens to you, how do you say no?
How do you just GO TO BED?
How can I reach two weeks?
This excitement reaching one week.
How do I not think “well one week is better than no weeks “ to justify my going out tonight?
Sorry for rambling, I’m stressing myself out.
And sorry for my English, I’m Swedish
Ask him to meet in the afternoon already and go for coffee instead! Easy!
No need to bring up the drinking to him if you don’t feel like it, but if you feel comfy why not say you’re trying to be healthier and happier.
Congrats on one week and on the date! Exciting! But remind yourself to keep it cool. You gotta come first, and sobriety gotta come before all the excitement over this guy! It’s hard, but we all gotta prioritise like this! You can do it!
Congratulations on your 1 week Veras.
I think your English is better than my American.
Being married 40 years and starting my sober journey in my 60’s. I didn’t think I qualified for a response here.
However. My feelings are, sobriety is all about us getting honest with ourselves. And honest with each other. And honest with the people we meet in life. Telling people our true feelings about ourselves. Admitting our fears, which I’m constantly working on. And then turning it over to our higher power, which I’m constantly working on.
And we get to keep our sanity as long as we don’t use/drink. I think telling him your story over a meal would give him the opportunity to know where you are in your plans to live without drugs or alcohol.
Gives him a chance to consider his feelings on this and it reinforces your wants and goals. Plus, you still get to start this wanted relationship on a clear conscious without hiding anything. We can’t control anyone but ourselves and we’re only as sick as our secrets…
No going out without clear communication and boundaries. Tell him NO DRINKING NO BAR. Go to the cinema. Meet early and be early to bed, not at midnight. Dinners yes, drinks no. go home after dinner. both don’t use alcohol as social lubricant. prepare for a game evening at home as alternative to a bar.
wishing you a happy date and hope you have (exit)plans how to stay sober whatever you do.
If you want to go on a date with him, you can say “An afternoon works better for me. Can we grab coffee another day instead?” If you are feeling like a date is too complicated right now, you can say no.
Both options are totally fine, and you don’t have to mention sobriety if you don’t want to. Recovery is a personal topic, and different people have different comfort levels talking about it.
He doesn’t need an excuse to suggest drinks, so you don’t need an excuse to suggest not drinking.
If you want an excuse though, you could say something like:
I’ve been feeling better lately when I don’t drink. I want to keep that up.
I just don’t feel like drinking tonight.
I want to take care of my health. (recent studies have suggested that there is no “safe” daily or weekly limit of alcohol to drink, less is better. They’ve also debunked the idea of heart benefits)
There’s nothing wrong with your English, it’s all good and completely understandable,so don’t worry about that.
Wouldn’t worry to much about that guy either. If you want to be on the safe side you can always suggest a Fika instead of going out for dinner. Fika usually don’t involve alcohol and might be a bit more neutral than an actual date with dinner.
Otherwise I’d suggest you’ll just be honest, I’d love to go out with you but I don’t drink alcohol. No further explanation needed.
He either accept it and adjust his plan. Or he doesn’t, and if he doesn’t, then you know that and you can move on.
I’ve been here a few rounds over the years. Starting on day 1 more than once. It’s when you stop thinking “Just one drink, just one night, I can handle this” that the days starts to add up.
