I grew up in a broken home, dad was in and out of my brother’s and my life and still is. He is an alcoholic and drug user, for most of his life. ( Not using my upbringing as an excuse for why I use ) but probably has a huge impact.. my mother is the strongest woman I know raising us on her own and being sober at that. I started using drugs when I was 13 and heavily at 14. Started smoking and partying every chance I got .. I never really felt like I “fit in” so I used drugs and alcohol to make it easier to get in with different people. Started stealing from my family to support my habits got kicked out of my home because of it. I’ve lived in many places just to chase my high many places I’m not proud of but I have met many colorful people along the way. Some generous some very shady. Im now 24 and back living at my mother’s house. Being in my mid twenties and having “rules” is not fun but I did this all on my own. My son will be 3 in June and is living in Florida with his father til I get on my feet. Every morning waking up without him is torture. But like I said I did this.. I’m in recovery and everyday is harder than the last.. is this normal? I feel like I have let down so many people in my life, like I’m a disappointment to my family and friends.. “friends” I have none .. I’ve lost those closest to me because of my actions and my desicions .. I’m depressed and feel like I’m in a rut I can’t come out of.. is this normal as well?
You are just going through a tough time, just try your hardest not to relapse and take this time to get your life together. I’m also in a situation where my alcoholism has already affected my family life, I can’t even see my 4 year old daughter unless it’s a supervised visit because my baby mama thinks I’m suicidal and depressed. Which I guess I am. So i understand what it’s like not seeing your kid, and it is like torture. Try to use it as motivation to get better. Perhaps you should try to meet new people. Someone who isn’t into partying so much that you can use for inspiration.
@bethany1201..You are on the right track. All you’re feeling is very typical in recovery. Depression, wanting to isolate, feeling alone, guilt, shame…all those feelings we just want to run from. We don’t want to go back to the life we had, but have no idea how to live life without our old “solution” which in my case was drugs and alcohol. I had to be taught how to do just about everything sober, to “live life on life’s terms”. I got into AA, did exactly what it was suggested I do, got a sponsor, started working the steps and found freedom from the obsession to use. My marriage was saved, my family was saved and I finally have a life worth living. I couldn’t do it alone, I had to have help and guidance. I applaud you for taking this step. It’s going to be tough but you don’t have to do it alone. Missing your son must be torture but think of it this way, he’s very young, he won’t remember any of this at 3 yrs old and by you getting into recovery he will never have to know you as a drunk or high! Www.aa.org you can find meetings in your area. Keep coming back to this forum and keep telling your story and reaching out. You got this! Stay strong, stay sober, stay connected! 
@JeffreyDale
Thank you for your reply. I use that “torture” as motivation to be better. My son deserves a mother that is committed to him. I’m sure you feel the same about your child as well. Good luck to you on this journey. I hope to hear and see more posts from you!
@MicheleH
Thank you as well for taking time to read and reply. I’m going to check out the link you shared with me. I feel if I put in as much effort and time in becoming sober and surround myself with people that want the same that I can overcome this! Again, Thank you!
Yes, it’s very normal. I can’t sleep or have horrible nightmares. It takes awhile for the body to get use to not having whatever substance we used. NA meetings are helping me a great deal.If you can try one NA meeting see how you feel. I have 104 days, this is the most difficult thing that I have attempted, but it is worthwhile.