It’s been 25 days since I looked at corn. In some ways it’s easier, and in some ways it’s harder. The drive isn’t there as much, but being married to a wife that doesn’t want any intimacy is still a trigger.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve learned not to expect anything. But the desire to *love* myself as a replacement doesn’t go away. Having a hard one tonight - no pun intended. Hope to make it through. It’s been so many days I’ve gone through and not wanting to start over. I think what I’m afraid of the most is not wanting to start over. The last time I remember going this long has to be at least a year ago.
Men are hardwired for millions of years to reproduce. It’s the way we survive. It’s no wonder why we get a huge dopamine hit after sex. There’s the natural drive built over millions of years. And then there’s the drive to be able to relax in the more near term. To feel like home. To feel alive, if even for an second.
Open for some advice from anyone.
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Wow.
Walking into the produce section of the grocery store must be really tempting in the summer. 
It’s okay to write porn.
Since masturbation and orgasm often go hand-in-hand, many of us shorten it to PMO.
Welcome to our wonderful community!
It sounds like you’re dealing with a couple different things, some are subterfuges and others lead to the root of your addiction.
Stay and learn which ones are which!
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i can’t stand the produce aisle. I can and will l avoid temptation whenever I’m there.
thanks for the welcome. I am interested in what you think are subterfuges. I don’t think I had any attempt at deception in my post, but am happy to learn what you think.
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I don’t want to plant ideas into your head by giving suggestions or even personal experiences. However, I will clarify that I didn’t believe your post had subterfuges, I believe the reasons to justify the porn (and even the PMO) are defensive strategies to avoid a deeper, more painful reality.
It isn’t my place to come up with ideas.
It is my place to be here with you while you journey to find out which are which. PMO sobriety can be a lonely path, so just know that there are times when you’ll have to do things by yourself and other times when you’ll have an international community carrying you!
First off welcome. There’s a lot of good stuff to connect to on this app. There’s actually a group for this on here too. PMO as someone else mentioned. I’ve had a tough time of it myself. I was also substance addicted (alcohol mainly) but free from that for over a year and a half now. I still work at my substance sobriety every day through alcoholics anonymous and I think I overlooked that with masturbation and why I wasn’t having success. It took a ton of dedication and time to get to where I felt totally comfortable in a life without alcohol. Same with this I suppose. I’ve gotten some great feedback from people here and I’m gonna open up more about it in my therapy sessions finally. This particular problem really seems to give rise to feelings of shame and embarrassment so it is very tough to open up about. You’ve taken a step here so give yourself credit for that. I certainly do not have all the answers, but myself and everyone else on here is a support for you on your journey
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Welcome @Rickster26ter I am also a PMO addict. As @ICanAndWill and @mikedrums1205 said, there is a group of us who are struggling with the same thing you are.
We are here to support, listen and also open up ourselves as shame doesn’t survive if you can open up about it (at least in my experience).
Even outside of PMO, the whole community is very welcoming and helpful.
Welcome aboard.
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Thanks for all the love and support, guys!
ICanAndWill - There’s absolutely no doubt I have made defensive strategies in the past to avoid deeper issues. Appreciate the words of advice.
mikedrums1205 - Thank you for your experience. I am glad I have never tried alcohol, I have an addictive personality, and I imagine that had to be much harder with both of them together.
Staringupfromthewell - Appreciate the words of encouragement, thank you!
Like I mentioned, feeling alone has always been the biggest for me. I have relied on my wife in the past for a lot of that. We have been really close for the first few years of marriage. Recently thinks have gone downhill, and stayed there for some time. We have done counseling, but were frustrated by the help by the first one. The second counselor was much better, but I felt my wife wasn’t putting in the effort that I was to make things better. We mutually agreed to stop the counselling. That has brought me to feel even more alone and helpless.
I would definitely echo ICanAndWill’s saying that I have to do some of it alone. I’ve had a faith crisis for the past few years, and it’s really just deepened the feelings of loneliness. So, in a way, I would think, if nobody else cares, then I don’t care. Recently I’ve gotten better at caring for myself some. And relying on myself more than anything else. Realizing that I am the one responsible for my actions, and that not even the closest ones to me will always act in the way I want. The external circumstances I face won’t always be desirable - a huge trigger for me in the past to return to PMO.
I made it through last night, but man am I tired now.
I am really grateful for the community on here.
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Oh, and can I just say one more thing! I joined a addiction group on reddit for PMO, and I was reading easypeasy - quit your porn habits book. Which by the way, is completely free by the author! It has been a game changer for me. And suggested to people the influence it made on me. But the mods kept banning my posts due to “spam”. They said there’s no promoting the book because there’s way too many people “spamming” it. Lol, I think that’s a joke. People aren’t maliciously promoting a free book that has helped them quit PMO in a how to quit PMO reddit group.
Anyways, just want to repromote that book to others struggling, as I believe it was instrumental in helping me get my first few weeks in.
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Literally read this and went…
Been there…
I’m currently in the process of getting a divorce, and honestly I’m stoked at the prospect of the freedom.
She stopped going to marriage counseling because she said the counselor and I were attacking her, even when she wasn’t involved in what we were talking about. Then wanted me to go alone. Yes. Alone. To marriage counseling.
All of us divorced men are with you!
I hope you find peace, joy, and connection. Either through a reconciled marriage or through the ending of it.
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Sounds like hard times for you as well. I wish you all the best in that, and hope you find the peace you seek.
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