Like @Jammie, I have not had to answer the dreaded “why aren’t you drinking?” Or pressure to drink. I imagine that might happen at the first party I go to. But, more likely, no one will ask, they’ll just start whispering that I’m pregnant. I have only told three friends completely about my situation. They have all been really supportive. I also gave them the go ahead to tell other people that I am NOT pregnant if they whisper.
The book makes an interesting point about this. She says when you tell people you’re not drinking, it makes them question their own drinking, and get defensive about it. I think I’ve experienced that from their side. When I go to hang out with friends and bring beers, then they don’t drink for whatever reason, it made me feel really uncomfortable, because it just highlighted that I have a problem in my mind. For example, we brought beers to a 3-yr-old’s afternoon birthday party. Because, you know, it’s a birthday party. But no one else was drinking, and it felt really awkward.
I am okay with letting it be known eventually that I’m not drinking for health reasons. It helps that my husband is doing it too, I can say that we are not drinking for health reasons. But I DON’T like the idea of telling people I’m a alcoholic. I like the book’s take on this too. That contempt, and “otherness” people feel about how “other” people are alcoholics, and it couldn’t happen to them. Such bullshit.
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I know…in a perfect world she will never want to try drinking, (ha!) but I am hoping with education and lots of discussion she will at least have more info than I did going into it, and can be more aware and hopefully make better choices than I did.
I cannot believe how many weekend mornings I wasted feeling like crap. I wanted so badly to wake up and slay the day but I never could do it and I loathed myself for it.
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The book’s point about advertising really hit me too! I think the fact that she’s in advertising lent some weight to it too. The struggle advertisers must have gone through to make up good things about alcohol. We are totally brainwashed to think alcohol is a great and benign substance, and much of that is due to advertising. It also kills me, her point about prescription drug commercials having to list all the potential side effects of legal drugs, but not alcohol! We’ll just ignore all the negative effects. So, if it isn’t a drug, it’s a food, right? Well, if it’s a food, where’s the nutrition label? Where are the ingredients listed? The calories? Many of them don’t even put the alcohol content on the bottle. There is like NO information on a bottle of beer, wine, or liquor. Why?
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Cooking is a trigger for me. I always drank while I cooked. I wasn’t yet sober for Thanksgiving, but I was cutting down. It was HARD. I didn’t do so well. I drank two bottles of wine.
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I can understand your point about the book being good 4 starters. I think I have 47 days, so it was a good first eye opener for me. Helped me better grasp different ways drinking is normalized in society. Helped me challenge beliefs about it.
It’s crazy how we’ve come to expect things r gonna suck if we don’t drink. Perception. Perception. Perception.
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So true. They’ve somehow managed to make it seem harmless and on top of that they don’t even have to tell us the nutritional content, let alone the side effects and hazards.
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I was a biology minor. Totally agree about the science being suspect. The thing about the slow slide might b per individual. For me…yes…slow slide that gained momentum. My brother, whom also battles addictions, says the 1st time he drank it was like…BOOM… couldn’t get enough of it. Wasn’t like that 4 moi.
That bee analogy got me too.
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There truly is a concerted effort to get people to drink. My parents never told me crap about alcohol except, don’t drink and “you’ve got the gene”.
Like I referenced earlier, I want my boys (especially my 12 year old right now) to be aware of the brainwashing at play. It’s seemingly friggin everywhere.
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I don’t like the idea of telling people I’m an alcoholic either. The INSTANT judgement/stigma irks me. I had a healthy upbringing. My mom started drinking at 46 and died drunk at 56…on purpose. I find myself emphasizing to others (when her death comes up), she started drinking later in life and was a good momma, because I don’t want people to think I was raised in an unhealthy environment. It’s like I’m trying to protect her and myself from judgment.
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My brother was a chef. He disguised his drinking around family when cooking. He drank on the job with others, as a chef.
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Wow, that’s sad about your mom. Many of my family members on my mom’s mother’s side died of cirrhosis, although I was not close with any of them. But I’m glad she didn’t drink too much while you were growing up. I completely understand not wanting people to be unclear that you had a happy healthy childhood. They would definitely jump to conclusions if you didn’t clarify. But you shouldn’t need to clarify, because “alcoholic” is not synonymous with monster. I think when people hear “alcoholic” we imagine a stumbling and abusive drunken penniless person. I was certainly not like that on a regular basis. My grandmother was an alcoholic, although we never called her that. She always had a Coors Light in her hand. But she was the most loving, kind, functional, supportive, present, strong woman I have ever known.
I think if I tell friends I’m an alcoholic, they’re going to imagine that I was drunk all the time, and that’s just not true. They will see me differently, and think something is majorly wrong with me. But if I tell them alcohol is not good for me and I’m not drinking anymore for health reasons, they’ll think I’m smart and responsible.
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That’s got to be hard if your profession “allows” drinking. In the book she said everyone at her work functions drank, heavily. But your brother could actually get away with drinking during work. Is he in recovery too?
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Yes. He’s in recovery too.
I wish my parents had talked to me about alcohol like I’m talking to my daughter. All I got was what they taught us in school, showing us drunk driving movies in driver’s ed class, and me getting in trouble at 15 when my parents found out I’d been at a party with alcohol and no parents. And, my parents drink so it was normalized for me from day 1. Had no idea about addiction or that not drinking was a good option.
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The Fitzgerald quote reminds me of something I heard at an AA meeting, “At first drinking was fun, then it was fun with problems, then it was just problems.”
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Yes, I can relate to that quote even more; the funny thing is, you don’t even realize it until you realize you’re at the last part.
I too wish that my parents had talked to me more about alcohol, the most it ever was “don’t drink and drive” and “it’s just bad for you” and “you will go to jail if you drink before your 21”, none of it was actually constructive as far as illustrating what it actually does.
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I would rate this book a 2. I really disliked the author’s POV of “if you have a problem with alcohol you can work on this and fix your brain and go back to controlled drinking”. I couldn’t get past the first chapter.
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I also found the Fitzgerald quote profound. As an aside… have u watched the legend of zelda? Oh my lawd…I loved it.
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