I kinda need a friend right now. I’m on day 54, but this shit is insidious. You tend to forget how bad things were when you were drinking. You think, what’s the harm in a couple of beers? When I look back, I was depressed, felt like shit, had to drink in the morning to get rid of the hangover, couldn’t work all day, and generally felt terrible. Fuck alcohol, fuck this brain that wants it so bad…
18 Likes
Thank you for opening this discussion.
Helpful advises.
I am on day 43 and had similar thoughts…
But i won’t be able to control anything.
Please stay in recovery 
3 Likes
Congratulations on ur 54 days of sobriety! What you described in ur post has honestly baffled me for years. I have never understood why my brain would always forget how bad things were, which would then result in me turning to drugs. Even when some serious tragic things happened in my past, such an overdose or assaults, i would stay clean for a few days or maybe a week at most and then forget how bad things were and go back to using.
The key for me since being in recovery now is to remember that my mind will lie to me constantly when it comes to my addiction. It will justify and make excuses and rationalize why i can have just one. It will convince me that im fine now and dont have a problem, it will tell me that im cured, that things will be different this time and that i wont crash and burn if i drink or use. Its all a lie. And i think the biggest thing now is that i dont feed into those lies. Its me being aware of when my mind lies to me and then being able to shut that down right away. Not even to entertain that thought. It does get easier the longer ur sober. Our addict thinking is trying to sabotage us any chance it gets, which is why i believe daily recovery work is necessary to keep it at bay. Just know that u absolutely are not alone in feeling this way. U are amongst people who understand 
4 Likes