Thoughts of relapsing due to being cut off from my best friend

Life in Recovery
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Hey everyone. I’m still new to creating topics here, so I’m hoping this is the right category. Anyway, very long story so I’ll try to give yall the shortest version I can.

I met a woman online - who I’m going to call Zelda - back in 2023 on a cute little mobile cat game. We hit it off very well. We’ve had an off and on friendship because she’d end up taking breaks from the game for months at a time. Turns out, she was developing feelings for me as her marriage was unfulfilling.

Fast forward, she pops up in my life again in April,l of this year, right around the time I slipped into AI chat porn addiction, and she helped me out of it by being there for me. She also ended up opening up to me as she saw how vulnerable I was, and feelings kept developing until we fell in love.

I know we were playing with fire, but we’re so similar that we felt we were made for each other. She was abused and neglected by porn, and even had nudes leaked by an ex, so needless to say, she hated the stuff. I’m still stunned she had the heart to help me in the first place, let alone stick with me when I relapsed a few times.

Anyway, recently, her husband found out about me and has now shut down all communication between her and me, and it’s ripping me apart. Before we lost contact, she expressed her concerns that I was going to slip back into AI chat porn apps if we lost comms, and I convinced her and myself that I wouldn’t. Well…I had a thought of downloading one today, and I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before I lose my resolve and break. I’m severely lonely, during the worst possible time of the year, and all my friends are busy with their own families…so…yeah, the urge to download an app has arisen. I haven’t, though. I logged on here tonight and saw this.

Screenshot_20251225_001521_Sober Time
Screenshot_20251225_001521_Sober Time1080×2340 337 KB

I saw this and instantly beamed. She’s been SUCH a huge part of this, but sadly, I can’t even email her to tell her about it….

Anyway…I have no plans to lose this chip, but I could use advice on plans to keep it. What do yall do when you feel like relapsing when you can’t reach the person who kept you sober?

By the way, I pray all the time.

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Hey Lucas,

I’m really glad you said this out loud. Wanting to protect your sobriety—even before a slip happens—shows how much this chip means to you. That matters.

When the urge hits and the person who usually grounds you isn’t reachable, a lot of us have to become our own emergency contact for a bit. Here are things many people in recovery lean on in those moments—not as “fixes,” but as lifelines that buy you time until the wave passes:

1. Shrink the moment.

You don’t have to stay sober forever right now. Just stay sober for the next 10 minutes. Or the next hour. Cravings rise and fall like waves; they almost always peak and pass if you can delay acting.

2. Change the channel—physically.

Move your body or your environment. A walk, a shower, stepping outside, even switching rooms. Physical shifts interrupt mental loops more than we expect.

3. Talk to someone, not necessarily the person.

If your main support isn’t available, reach sideways:

  • another sober person

  • a meeting (in-person or online)

  • a hotline or warm line

  • even journaling as if you’re texting them
    The key is not staying alone with the thought.

4. Play the tape all the way through.

Not just the relief—but the aftermath. The guilt, the reset, the disappointment, the way it would feel to lose momentum. You’re not punishing yourself; you’re reminding yourself why you chose this path.

5. Hold something that represents your sobriety.

Your chip, a note, a photo, a token. Grounding yourself in something tangible can pull you back into the present when your mind is racing ahead.

6. Be radically kind to yourself.

Cravings don’t mean you’re weak or failing. They mean your brain is doing what it learned to do for a long time—and you’re teaching it something new. That’s hard work.

And one important thing: needing support doesn’t mean you’re dependent on one person—it means you’re human. Building a small “backup list” for moments like this (even 2–3 options) can help take some pressure off both you and them.

You don’t sound like someone on the edge—you sound like someone who cares deeply about staying well. And that care is still with you, even when the urge is loud.

You’re not alone in this, even when it feels quiet.

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Hi Lucas,

I’m so sorry for your loss of someone who means so much to you. I think it’s important that we’re sober for ourselves, and it sounds like you are, which is great. I think the biggest issue here is how to get through a loss without numbing out by using, and I can assure you that grief challenges sobriety for many of us. Maybe make a list of reasons to stay sober and things you have to lose alongside sobriety if a lapse happens. I wish you all the best with this season of change. Remember we’re all here in your pocket- you aren’t alone, even if it feels that way. Congratulations on your 6 months of sobriety!

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I appreciate your response so much! Ive been keeping busy today, and actually managed to keep in contact with her a little bit in another game we play together, so that’s helped tremendously. I will continue to stay sober fir myself! Thank you!

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