While attending an online AA meeting today, someone shared an accused the chairperson of taking notes during this meeting and others. They found it offensive, saying this is a meeting, not a class and no one should be taking notes. The accuser claimed they were aware of instances where notes were used against people in court. This was not the topic of the meeting and I felt very uncomfortable for the chairperson. The chairperson responded with “you are entitled to your opinion” and went onto the next share. A couple other people defended the note taker during their own share.
On this particular platform, most people sign up with unusual screen names, so I assumed the chairperson was writing down first names to reference at future meeting. A way to make people feel more welcome and a part of the community. I could be way off assuming since it was my first time attending this meeting. Maybe more has happened in the past that I’m not aware of?
I’ve been going to AA meetings for 3 years and only once have I encountered someone writing in a notebook during an in person meeting. They do refer to their notes during their own share but they don’t share at every meeting and still take notes. It never bothered me but now I’m wondering if I’m missing something.
Yikes, I think calling out the person in front of everyone is pretty over the top. As someone with pretty severe memory issues, my assumptions go right to remembering what people said to share in reply later, refer to later because I found it impactful, or to reach out privately. My thoughts would not default to ill intent, and I also would just have a 1:1 conversation with the person if it made me uncomfortable.
Great topic to discuss. Sometimes I feel for myself, it would be helpful to take notes because there are little things of gold people say that I forget after the meeting that I want to remember. I choose not to take notes because I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable so I just try to remember the things at each meeting I really needed to hear. Sometimes I text friends at the same meetings afterwards and ask them “ how did so and so word this phrase” then I write it down when I get home. There is a gentleman at some of the meetings I attend who takes notes, then when he shares looks at his notebook, says the person by name and says “ I really enjoyed when you said this…. I can relate to it in this way” that helps him. I do see it makes some people uncomfortable so I avoid doing it myself. I have never seen him get called out on it though because he directly reads from his notebook when he shares, so you can have a general understanding that he’s just using it to remember and help him with his share. I think whatever helps someone in their recovery is a good thing. I do see how that might make people uncomfortable though. I feel it might be more of a “ judgment” per say on the person calling them out and not on the person taking the notes. Never heard of someone using the info in court. That would be wrong. Definitely see the point of view and never thought of it that way.
I understand the anonymous part of AA, and what is shared should be kept well confident but j also look at other things as well.
When you attend a meeting you don’t say my name is Full name I live at this address and my social is this. So really if I don’t know your name like here I don’t know many peoples full names it’s well anonymous
Second ok she was writing notes maybe to keep track of people, or discuss something in further, but what caught her was she writing in a notebook? If I’m in a meeting, and someone is on their phone, are they taking notes? Are they texting? Are they sharing what I shared with someone else, hell they could be recording the meeting for all I know,
For transparency she probably could have said before the meeting started that she was writing things down for whatever reason and that would have probably went over better
I have never ever seen a person take notes (chairperson or not) at any 12 step mtg I attended. I do think that was abit much tho trying to call out and accuse the chairperson in front of everyone. They obviously were not doing it to be sneaky or rude etc. I feel like this could’ve been done privately after the mtg. I can understand tho how that person felt uncomfortable with the note taking, I just think that they were wayyy out of line in how they handled it. I can only speak for myself but me going into the rooms I was paranoid and very distrusting of others. Didn’t matter if u were in recovery for whatever length of time, I was still always reading people and what their motives were for wanting help or whatever it may be. I sure as hell wasn’t “well” and I think many people who attend mtgs can relate to that. This individual who was upset, probably has history of stuff being used against them or is distrusting of others etc. I hope they were able to sort everything out. It does sound like that was a pretty intense mtg
In the end of a meeting you’re asked to let all that is heard and seen, stay within the confidence of the room.
Do the notes stay there ? No guarantee no one else will read them…
I started taking notes when I was in treatment and still do sometimes after 5 months. I keep them all in one notebook, my “aha” notebook. Very often I hear a line someone shares that really resonates with me, and instead of going down that rabbit hole in my mind while the meeting is still going on I’ll just jot it down. No names, I don’t usually catch their names honestly unless I know them.
It’s been really cool to go back and read through the journal from time to time and see what’s stood out for me. It’s good to read on a day I’m struggling.
So, one opinion from one innocent note taker.
Yikes is right @Girlinterrupted! There were over 300 people in that meeting.
@TwoWolves967 I feel the same, I want to remember those bits of gold shared but I wouldn’t write them down during the meeting. I’ll text someone afterwards if I forget.
@Fury… if I see someone on their phone, I get paranoid. I immediately think they’re recording it and I tend to shutdown. In reality they’re probably texting but how do I know for sure.
@Butterflymoonwoman … they should have approached it via a PM and not made their share all about an unrelated issue. It was so uncomfortable for the rest of us. I could only imagine how the chairperson felt. I was impressed with the chairperson’s response.
@Fargesia. That’s a good point. How do I know that person’s SO, who’s also in the program and knows me, isn’t reading the notes that could be about something personal I shared at a closed women’s meeting.
I occasionally takes notes about what I want to say. Otherwise I forget. Lol
The groups I attend know what I’m doing though, I always say let me refer to my memory paper for what I wanted to say.
I’ve been known to write down something someone has said that really hit me ya know. Something I wanted to meditate on later.
I dont know what kind of notes the chair person was taking but if I was uncomfortable I probably , speaking for myself only, would have just asked what kind of notes and expressed i was uncomfortable.
@Mephistopheles A goup conscious meeting is the best way to handle it. I totally forgot about that option, thanks for the reminder.
That video equipment was probably pretty obvious that it’s being used by others sharing the same space. We have a few locations that are set up like that. Glad I haven’t run into those accusations YET.
Our meetings, the secretary does usually note the names of newcomers, visitors, birthdays. It’s just to remember their names for the speaker to call them to see if they want to share if they want. Nothing else is done with it though.
Meant to help welcome new folks, people who might be there cuz they really needed a meeting, and to share any milestones.
I’ve also seen people early in sobriety bring notebooks. Writing down pieces of wisdom they hear that struck a chord. I did that a lot, though usually when I got home since I didn’t carry my notebook all the time.
Long as what happens in the meeting stays in the meeting (respecting anonymity), who cares?
Personally I think it’s over-the-line crosstalk they put that out there during the meeting. We don’t (seriously) address other members or their shares during the meeting. Take it to them privately.
Oh, other stuff. The secretary also keeps notes of how many people were there (we keep an eye where meetings need more support), count the contributions, sign people’s slips, etc.
It is considered better manners to do that stuff after the meeting and listen. But if I’m not trusting the secretary and am more focused on their behavior, I got my own issues to work on.
I find it interesting that the secretary keeps track of the number of people who attend. We don’t do that here. What happens if one meeting is experiencing low attendance? Does it get announced at other meetings to get more to show?
Early Covid, one of the churches made us keep a list of names with phone numbers. If someone came down with covid, others were notified to isolate. At first the church wanted that list, but people weren’t comfortable due to the anonymity aspect so our secretary handled it. That faded away after a few months.
Yeah, we may ask around to see if others can help out or announce the meeting at other meetings.
Contact tracing came up for us too. But we quickly shot down keeping named attendance on the basis of anonymity.
The church we rent from said whatever, as long as you follow state guidelines, that’s up to you. We use their basement and they don’t, so it was clean split.
Instead we went to online and later hybrid. And added requirements for people who were in person (space, masking, etc.).
I have definitely taken notes about what I want to say, often triggered by what others say, to ease my fear of sharing. I also think writing down pearls of wisdom, so long as who said it is not included, is ok.
