Threats in the Rooms

Life in Recovery
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What would you do if someone who caused you grave injury in the past came back to do it again?

When I started getting well in AA, another member ran around encouraging everyone to abuse me. I was character assassinated all over my city, shunned, and treated with horrible disrespect (in and outside of meetings) and ended up with severe trauma.

I lost half my hair and some of my teeth, my community and my home (I ran), and I have struggled with homelessness since.

This person “felt better” about herself seeing me hurt and moved back across the country to her state. She then 13-stepped a newcomer into being her husband. He drank again.

But he is high-functioning and wealthy. So she got the husband, the baby, the multi-million-dollar house and all the comforts she could ever want, just as she had always wanted.

She has a prison record which she expunged and got a good job back in her state at a large company.

After about 5 years of marriage her husband was not getting sober again. He apparently wanted to leave her. She was about to lose everything and drink.

So she came back here to repeat what she did in the past (cause me harm again).

I was sitting in a meeting and suddenly there she was (on Zoom), all the way from the other side of the country. I was shocked. She severely attacked me in the meeting and I was so stunned I couldn’t say what I needed to and get her out of here. I had been doing better and healing.

Since then, I have watched her slowly and methodically “get people to like her” here (there’s mostly new people now) so she can get away with whatever her plan is for me again. This terrifies me. She is lying to everyone about who she is, what her story is and why she is here, saying she did the steps again, and why she is back. She doesn’t care about these meetings or anything but getting what she wants.

I have felt I need to leave the meetings and go to other ones that are less powerful for me.

I sent her and the group leaders an incident report of the bullying/harassment I weathered when she first came back, but no one responded. Her conduct has continued.

I have sent her written warnings over email, but nothing stops her. I know she has something very bad in store for me and once she has manipulated enough people she will do it.

I know she is going to try to have ME put away, which is really where SHE needs to be. This is terrifying to me.

What would you do?

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lot of sick people in AA , maybe try face to face meetings wish you well

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What about a BOUNDARY?

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What is this person’s reason for going after you?

If she’s spreading lies about you I would be outspoken about your truth, who you are, what you do, just openly show the person that you are.

I would stay out of her business and not dox her or whatever, it’s other ppls business to for their own opinions. But where it comes to you, you don’t need to suffer being slandered.

Slander over here at least is also a crime. Also online. Idk if you would consider reporting it to the police.

I wish you all the best and do not lose your sobriety over some bitch’s bs.

Do you have a sponsor or therapist to talk about? Probably important that you don’t feel like you’re losing control over your own life.

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Thank you. Her reason is jealousy. I am thinking about saying something in the meetings she has manipulated and lied to everyone in (she is setting the groundwork to cause me harm).
I also feel I should take legal action.

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A thought: this person and their behaviour is currently controlling how much energy you are diverting away from sobriety and self-improvement. Do you really want them to have that kind of power over you and for them to be able to jeopardize you hard work?
Sometimes, starving people of the attention they require to keep the drama going is the best way forward.

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@Dirk I think this might be the right way. I LOVE what you said about “starving people of the attention they require to keep the drama going”. Wow.

I really appreciate everyone’s comments.

I think I need to Let Go and Let God and focus on myself on this one, tough as it is. Thank you so much everyone for your comments. You’re all AWESOME.

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Hi Everyone.
An Update:

Things have gotten much more serious. I am watching this person up her game.

I have been watching this person “up her game” by going all over AA in my state through Zoom, chairing and being the speaker at meetings - to try to get people around her, “to like her”, so she can get away with what she has been so slowly and sneakily planning to do to me.

I have been immensely stressed and in severe fear. I know she is planning to try to literally put ME away somewhere, and really harm me, bullies are great at turning the tables on their victims.

Some quick background: This person was my sponsor for 2.5 years and when I started getting well she started running around encouraging everyone to abuse me. This made her feel better about herself. I was totally innocent and loved her.
She was able to get everything she wanted: a husband, a baby, an enormous home, a great job, lots of “respect” and friends. Then things stopped working for her so she is back. Her husband is leaving her, she lost the job from bad behavior against a supervisor, she is a risk of losing everything unless she can hurt me again.
But this time her “plan” for me is much much more grave. I know she is planning to turn the tables on me and make herself the “victim”, and try to put me away.

Obviously this is a very sick person.

In church yesterday I had a moment of awareness: “You don’t have to put up with this. You’re not a victim. You’re strong. You can confront her.”

So I am going to do just that in a meeting this week, then take legal action against her to protect myself. I need her out of my environment. Again, she comes here to the East Coast from the West Coast and is doing all of this over Zoom.

I am calling attorneys today but need help knowing how to do this. I have no money or people in my life.

Any pointers? Thank you.