Hi there! Im three months sober yesterday. This past few weeks its been pretty hard for me to not have a drink. I work in a restaurant that im constantly serving alcohol in and my boyfriend has a drink everyday. Any advice that could help me?
You just have to put yourself in a mind set that the actions of others have nothing to do with you. My partner has a bottle of wine over the weekend but that’s her choice, my choice is that I don’t drink any more and that’s how it is. As an addict I have had to learn to separate myself from the actions of others. The attitude of “well they are drinking and I want to drink too …because they are” is something that you need to stop. Think about how much better you are than them (seriously snobbery works lol) how much money you save. How your health is better. How better you will feel in the morning. How your decision making is better. All the positives from not drinking compared to what? A few hours abandonment for days if not weeks of regret?? No thanks!! You are better than that and can continue to be better !
My advice- remember the bad things that have happened when you drank. Don’t beat yourself up over it- just remind yourself of what you did or said and ask yourself if you want to be that person again.
Talk to your boyfriend about keeping the house dry if you live together. Explain that right now you are in a tough place and need to come home to a sanctuary- and not another place that has that temptation. Remind him that you aren’t judging him. This is about you. And you need your boy friend to help you with this one thing.
Ask him if he will do it out of the love he has for you.
Beyond that, remind yourself that alcohol is literally poison. I say that scientifically- not from an emotional perspective.
Are you going to huff fumes? Drink bleach or lysol? No. Then put alcohol in that category. Since you cant stop at one drink it is poison for you (the World Health Organization recommends no more than 1 drink a day for women and no more than 2 for men- and even then they caution against doing it daily ).
Finally, just say you are intolerant/allergic to it. That your body can’t handle the effects of alcohol. I’ve never been a HUGE drinker- but 2-3 drinks once a week will make my liver swell as long as I keep the habit up. I was a binge drinker in my early 20s, and then a lighter social drinker. Now I can’t handle 1 drink (the next day I am hung over). My body just rejects it. And as a person gets older that happens more and more. I am also of ashkenazi Jewish decent and its genetic for me. So check your genes.
I find that science often gives me an excellent reason to stick to good habits.
And dont get me wrong I believe in a higher power and need that sometimes. But, logic is powerful, and so is faith.
So yeah if you just say you’re allergic or intolerant people wont bother you- and it will feel more off limits due to logical health reasons rather than reasons of will power.
I know you can do it!
And don’t be afraid to consider a job change. There is nothing wrong with that. Listen to yourself, and honor the boundaries that you may need.
Well, there is a mental aspect you still need to battle at your stage in healing. You made it through the most difficult part of detoxing, and past all the other cravings. I would imagine your sleeping schedule, bloating have subsided and normalized. You may have seen some of the health benefits not drinking in your skin, your vibrant eyes, mental clarity and of course your general health. You worked so very far to get to this point!
So what can you do to re-enforce you mental fortitude and attitude toward alcohol.
- exercise (any)
- read, read, read
- TV, video games, any visual entertainment
A few things that I did do; I would chant, “ Alcohol is poison, if you want to die just drink bleach it’s faster” about 10x
I kept a rubber band on my wrist, and would snap it anytime I thought about alcohol or a craving.
Usually by the time I chanted and snapped the rubber band my thoughts were at least a logical/rational explanation in my mind why I shouldn’t drink. I wouldn’t have to do any of this if alcohol wasn’t a problem in my life. My subconscious no longer pushes alcohol to my conscious mind to even evaluate the thought now.
Stay strong, keep pushing yourself to the 4 month mark, even if it’s minute by minute.
Alcohol is everywhere, and a lot of people use it. Some moderately, some abusively, some addictively.
Now, I don’t work in a restaurant or bar, but I do walk by a full wine rack everytime I enter or exit my home office, and I work from home. My wife and her parents who live with us, they are normal, moderate drinkers. There’s alcohol in my home.
They don’t have any issues with alcohol. The issues are mine. This I have admitted to myself. I cannot drink, ever. This I have accepted, and more importantly embraced.
But alcohol no longer has power over me, as long as I do not let it enter my body, and I have the power to keep it out of my body. This, I have come to believe. So that wine in the rack, or beer in the fridge is like voodoo: it only has power if I believe it does, and without me intentionally drinking it, it has no power.
I know I won’t drink, because I don’t drink. I don’t drink. I am a non-drinker.