I would question any therapist who counsels patients that “relapse is part of recovery”, just as I would question an oncologist who counsels patients that returning tumors are part of recovery. Both are an interruption of recovery, the difference being that realpse is a willful and deliberate act.
Now that doesn’t mean that relapse marks the absolute end of recovery either. If it was, I never would have eventually quit for good. If you fail 5 times, try 6 times. That’s how it was for me, and sobriety stuck that next time that I tried.
I hope you will keep trying until it sticks. Every day sober is a day you didn’t drink.
The guilt and shame is bad…I can’t even describe it. On the other hand I’m really grateful I could join such supportive group and good people to talk to😇 Trying again and not giving up.
Another problem are people who do not take “no” for an answer. Back to Antabuse and I really hope I won’t fail this time.
Thank you. I think my therapist was not well experienced. But now I understand that I am the only person responsible and I must keep it under control. I’m struggling with forgiving myself, just need to work on positive thinking and keep going.
I hope the struggle is a short one, for you do deserve the chance to live your best life. We’ve all made mistakes, and we all carry regrets. Peace comes when we forgive ourselves and growth comes when we only make new mistakes, rather than repeat the same old ones.
One way of thinking of this:
The biggest problem of people who won’t take “no” for an answer is actually me. When I don’t take no for an answer - when I won’t set boundaries about who I spend my time with and where I spend my time - then I create huge problems for myself; I set myself up for feeding my addiction and making problems.
What if you changed the people and places in your life?
I have already changed my surroundings and quit toxic environment which was my job. Said goodbye to many friends but there are still some people in my family who seem to not understand the problem. They put me in a very uncofortable situation. Soon I will be attending some family events and I really hate repeating myself and explaining why I don’t want to have a drink.
I skipped Christmas with my family once because I just needed some space. It was not an issue at all. They did their thing and I got a chance to collect myself. Sure it was unusual but the thing is, no one talked about it then and no one talks about it now. It’s just not that big a deal; I’m not that important that things fall apart when I’m not there.
I live abroad (in Norway) so I usually don’t attend family events. Now it’s a time when I’m still on a sickleave and I’m starting a new job in the middle of May. I just need to be strong and face it since I have already confirmed I will be there…I’ll survive it somehow🤷♀️
… and keep in touch regularly here on Talking Sober (and/or other recovery communities, for example Resources for our recovery)
Addiction thrives when we isolate in our mental castles of “going it alone”. Regular connection, regular communication, regular sobriety checkins - all of that is essential to making recovery “stick” so we get where we need to be.
Thank you🥰 I’m not going anywhere. So glad I can get such support and I wish I have found it earlier because my therapy sessions were not effective enough. I just had that feeling that I’m a burden and they just want to finish the program as soon as possible and get rid of me. So I pretended I’m doing well and let them sign me out when obviously I was not doing well at all.
I have relapsed so many times I can’t count them, but I would consider it letting myself down, I suppose I have learnt a few things on the way to help me stop drinking and become a person who just doesn’t want to drink alcohol, but it’s not ok , obviously it’s done and you have to just get back on track, but saying it’s part of recovery is making a sorry excuse, if you want to be free you have to stop completely, I am on 6 days today and knowing I have got one whole week tomorrow makes me want to cry with happiness, good luck
Thank you. I think we all learn from our mistakes and we should never give up. Good luck to you as well just got my 1week milestone today and I’m proud of it Let’s get the 1 year milestone so we can be even prouder in 2024 We can do it.
Wouldn’t that be fabulous, something to aim for to say in April 2024 that not a drop of alcohol had passed our lips ! Imagine how proud we would be, and have done it at exactly the same time
For me…ive told myself relapse just is not an option…its off the table…whatever happens i have to find another way to deal with things and thankfully they are plentiful
Welcome to the forum
Like urself, i have been told from a few sources that relapse is a part of recovery, thats it very “normal” to have slips. But saying this used to sort of give me the permission to keep on messing up, with the mindset that i will always have another recovery in me. Relapse (in my opinion) isnt really a part of recovery anyway, its a part of the problem (when we dont do what we need to do to stay clean and sober). The harsh reality is, is that every relapse could be fatal. No matter what substance is being used, anything can happen when under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I always remember that saying, “I will always have another relapse in me but may not always have another recovery”. We risk alot when we slip up
That’s so true. I even hate to think of all the risk and danger I put myself in when drunk -crazy and childish behavior. Only some of my friends understand the problem and are happy for me but sadly I have lost most of the ones who drink on regular basis. Oh well:woman_shrugging: we must choose what’s better for us.
just got my 1week milestone today and I’m proud of it 
Let’s get the 1 year milestone so we can be even prouder in 2024 
We can do it.
-crazy and childish behavior. Only some of my friends understand the problem and are happy for me but sadly I have lost most of the ones who drink on regular basis. Oh well:woman_shrugging: we must choose what’s better for us.