My thoughts exactly. This should never be allowed during a therapy. The therapy is over and I just have to start over again…On my own and without permissions anymore. I can do it again and be proud again 
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Relapse is part of the journey sometimes, but considering it part of a therapy gives you permission to relapse again. Relapse might even show a failure of your therapy and your need for better tools so that you don’t relapse again. I am a similar drinker where I could not drink normally. I could go days, weeks, months, but if I started to drink again, I would inevitably binge and blackout. Even if I demonstrated control multiple times and stuck to 1 or 2 glasses only, even if I had long stretches of sober time in between drinks, it was inevitable that I would go back to sneaking drinks, hiding bottles, and drinking to excess and despair. The only way for me is 100% sobriety 100% of the time. I have relapsed, and every time I have, I considered it a failure on my part and looked for the flaws in my sober plan so that I could prevent it. If I considered relapse an inevitable part of my work, I would find it hard to stay sober. Relapse is an end of one sober plan or therapy and the beginning of a new one. It pains me considerably to start over, so I prevent it with every ounce of will I have in me. And I know too many stories from others where the relapse had such consequences, starting over wasn’t possible.
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Thank you for sharing this. I am very happy to have found this community. I can see that I can count on great support here. It’s all similar in my case… Relapse comes together with a lot of guilt because I know I’ve been doing great and yet I slipped my foot again for some reason. I am currently working out a lot at the gym and I have come too far. I have the impression that each failure makes all my efforts and hours spent in the gym go to waste and this hurts the most. I cannot keep trying to be “normal” and drink responsibly or on special occasions. It’s all lies Ive been telling myself. I really believe I wont do this mistake ever again…
The shame cycle is what kept me in the drinking life for so long. My addict brain twisted the genuine remorse I felt for my drinking and made it an excuse for continuing to drink because I would want to mask the shame and pain, but really it was just an excuse to keep going. None of the work you did before a relapse is gone. Just like at the gym, one slip doesn’t mean your muscle and endurance go away. It just means you need to evaluate the slip and take precautions so that you don’t fall again. I have to work to plant my shame and regret in gratitude instead of despair or else I do slip again. I feel strongly the sting of past actions and decisions, but instead of spiraling into sadness over them, ripe territory for relapse for me, I flip my thinking to include, “I feel the pain over my past decisions, and I am proud of myself for choosing better things now.” If I make a mental laundry list or horrible things I have done drunk, I make sure I flip it and also include a list of good things I have done sober. Relapse isn’t a recovery tool. It’s a glaring sign you need more/better tools. If you stay in that space where you just feel shame though, it’s a tool for your addict voice to keep you drinking. You wouldn’t stop going to the gym just because you tripped one time reaching for a machine. You would just watch yourself the next time you walked that portion of the floor. You would alert someone if there was a danger there like loose tile or an obstacle. You would make the necessary repair and keep going. You would not wait for the next time you fell over though. And if you did fall again, you wouldn’t say it’s just part of my fitness routine. You would try to eliminate all the chances of falling, not because you are burning with shame over tripping before, but because you want to stay whole so you can keep getting fit.
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That’s true…One slip won’t make all the muscles go away, but several slips have already slowed down the progress and I know I could have done better during the last few weeks. Luckily I reacted quick enough to fix it. There is no such thing as a helathy relationship with alcohol and occasional drinking🤷♀️ My therapy ended in March and I was slowly getting to the starting point. Its scary how addicted mind can trick us.
Welcome Yoostyna it’s nice to meet you 
If we rename the problem - maybe phrase it a little differently - and call it “my addict mind is always working to find excuses for me to drink, including seemingly-harmless ones like ‘just have one or two’”, then I think many, many of us here have had exactly the same problem.
But you recognize the problem now and you realize that, basically, you are deathly allergic to alcohol (the same way some people are allergic to peanuts). When someone is allergic to peanuts, they remove the peanuts from their home and their life. When someone is allergic to alcohol, they remove the alcohol from their home and their life.
So the question now is, what’s next? Learning to live healthy (which means without alcohol) is a process. It always helps to have help. There’s lots of good knowledge here on talking sober, so read around and you’re sure to learn a lot! This is one of my fave threads:
Welcome to Talking Sober 
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I would question any therapist who counsels patients that “relapse is part of recovery”, just as I would question an oncologist who counsels patients that returning tumors are part of recovery. Both are an interruption of recovery, the difference being that realpse is a willful and deliberate act.
Now that doesn’t mean that relapse marks the absolute end of recovery either. If it was, I never would have eventually quit for good. If you fail 5 times, try 6 times. That’s how it was for me, and sobriety stuck that next time that I tried.
I hope you will keep trying until it sticks. Every day sober is a day you didn’t drink.
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The guilt and shame is bad…I can’t even describe it. On the other hand I’m really grateful I could join such supportive group and good people to talk to😇 Trying again and not giving up.
Another problem are people who do not take “no” for an answer. Back to Antabuse and I really hope I won’t fail this time.
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Thank you. I think my therapist was not well experienced. But now I understand that I am the only person responsible and I must keep it under control. I’m struggling with forgiving myself, just need to work on positive thinking and keep going.
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I hope the struggle is a short one, for you do deserve the chance to live your best life. We’ve all made mistakes, and we all carry regrets. Peace comes when we forgive ourselves and growth comes when we only make new mistakes, rather than repeat the same old ones.
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Yes. I’m getting back to meditations. They always help me to let the bad things go away:woman_in_lotus_position:
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One way of thinking of this:
The biggest problem of people who won’t take “no” for an answer is actually me. When I don’t take no for an answer - when I won’t set boundaries about who I spend my time with and where I spend my time - then I create huge problems for myself; I set myself up for feeding my addiction and making problems.
What if you changed the people and places in your life?
I have already changed my surroundings and quit toxic environment which was my job. Said goodbye to many friends but there are still some people in my family who seem to not understand the problem. They put me in a very uncofortable situation. Soon I will be attending some family events and I really hate repeating myself and explaining why I don’t want to have a drink.
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Do you have to attend those events? Really?
What would happen if you didn’t attend? And is that really worse than what will happen if you do attend?
I skipped Christmas with my family once because I just needed some space. It was not an issue at all. They did their thing and I got a chance to collect myself. Sure it was unusual but the thing is, no one talked about it then and no one talks about it now. It’s just not that big a deal; I’m not that important that things fall apart when I’m not there.
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I live abroad (in Norway) so I usually don’t attend family events. Now it’s a time when I’m still on a sickleave and I’m starting a new job in the middle of May. I just need to be strong and face it since I have already confirmed I will be there…I’ll survive it somehow🤷♀️
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… and keep in touch regularly here on Talking Sober (and/or other recovery communities, for example Resources for our recovery)
Addiction thrives when we isolate in our mental castles of “going it alone”. Regular connection, regular communication, regular sobriety checkins - all of that is essential to making recovery “stick” so we get where we need to be.
Keep us posted!
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Thank you🥰 I’m not going anywhere. So glad I can get such support and I wish I have found it earlier because my therapy sessions were not effective enough. I just had that feeling that I’m a burden and they just want to finish the program as soon as possible and get rid of me. So I pretended I’m doing well and let them sign me out when obviously I was not doing well at all.
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I have relapsed so many times I can’t count them, but I would consider it letting myself down, I suppose I have learnt a few things on the way to help me stop drinking and become a person who just doesn’t want to drink alcohol, but it’s not ok , obviously it’s done and you have to just get back on track, but saying it’s part of recovery is making a sorry excuse, if you want to be free you have to stop completely, I am on 6 days today and knowing I have got one whole week tomorrow makes me want to cry with happiness, good luck 
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Thank you. I think we all learn from our mistakes and we should never give up. Good luck to you as well just got my 1week milestone today and I’m proud of it 
Let’s get the 1 year milestone so we can be even prouder in 2024 We can do it.
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