Don’t know we’re to start, I’m having cravings and very negative thoughts. Which are getting a constant nature, I vented it to my therapist on Tuesday and my sponsor will call me back in the afternoon. Hope that will help somewhat too, I don’t wanna worry my parents to much. My depressed feelings are a result of my thyroid not functioning properly, so my therapist can not do much until that is more in balance. Had a few good days after change in medication but today is not good again. The treatment of my thyroid has been a suffering in it self with late diagnosis (around 30), inappropriate treatment and second opinions etc. Of course drinking did no good, the symptoms of drinking and the issue with the thyroid are the same. Also I neglected the signs myself, basically have never been able to accept that I have issues with it. So in the past I would be drinking now and having the same thoughts that I don’t wanna continue like this, kind of scary to have these feeling while being sober. Meetings don’t work the way I want at the moment, yesterday’s meeting topics were spot on of things I can relate: family, loneliness and relapse. I find it very hard to keep what’s not from me outside the door at the moment. Strange how at works, about 5-6 weeks ago I was just fine. Another worry is that my therapist mentioned it is growing above her head, so suggested some therapy for dealing and accepting with this disease, she found it strange that it didn’t happen like with diabetes. So my resentment list gets longer, but my part is that I never took it serious I just pretended I didn’t have it and drank the feelings away. She doesn’t ghost me however, that would have been a major blow. Because she is good, however I have to watch out for dependency there.
I really don’t know how to break the thinking cycle at the moment a lot of worries and fear for the future. Really doubt my employability with other things behind my addiction, any suggestions are welcome e.g. which activities do you take when feeling depressed?
Like you mention yourself a number of times, in the past you denied the problem existed. And you drank to forget. Like we all did. Now that coping mechanism - however poor it was - is gone. And we have to deal with our shit head on. Which is hard and at times can feel like we can’t get out and we’re not making any progress.
While what you are in fact describing is progress in progress so to speak. You’re working your shit. You’re dealing with it. You want it to get faster, again like we all do, but that’s not how it works. The faster way was to drink. We don’t do that no more. We deal with it in therapy, we deal with in the support groups of our choice, we deal with it in a way that brings us further, in a way that makes our lives better. You are dealing with it. It slow and tedious and hard work but you are Rob. Keep going.
As how to deal with depression: you are doing that too I feel. Take care of you. The whole you. Do your social things, even if you don’t feel like it. Take time for yourself, sooth you, pamper you, go for a hike, a bike ride, do something cultural you like. Take care of you. Just as I see you are friend. One day at a time. You’re doing better than you think
I got my thyroid meds about 20 years ago and they were saving my life. Within a few weeks the dark thoughts, permanent exhaustion and chronic feeling of being overwhelmed was pretty much gone. Since then I can identify a depressive episode as such. Take your time, be patient and journal. Journaling helps to identify changes. Sending you peace and strength
Rob, as you know I’m a big fan of yours. I have struggled with depression. I’m on proper medication and walk 15-20 miles a week with a friend and our dogs, mindfulness exercises, attitude of gratitude I started work in on Day 1 and that’s been life changing, proper diet and sleep, recovery community. I do not have thyroid issues thankfully, but hopefully your doctor can help. I had very depressing times in sobriety, and I just had to fake it til I made it, so to speak. Glad you are here sharing about it.
Thanks for your promising reply. Gives me trust and hope. I have been on meds for 20 years, but never have been on top of it. So hopefully the new meds (the doc switched to another type) will result in more stable result (just weeks ago it went to fast and weeks later to slow ). Exhaustion I linked also to it, but not yet overwhelming. If those diminish I will be over the moon.
Thanks for your suggestions. Halt is something that’s indeed under pressure if I feel depressed and exhausted. But allowed my mother to cook for me the last days, because I was exhausted. Will try the gratitude lists, some resistance to it. But I think I make it way to big. I’m grateful for the replies I received on this post and for the meal my mother prepared
Just wanted to share some sympathy, I don’t have thyroid issues but know people who do and how hard getting the right medication and support. Do you follow the Stop the Thyroid Madness group? Apparently they are good.
For getting through the bad days… Sometimes i just go to bed and sleep through it. I know that isn’t what you are supposed to do, but it makes the bad days pass more quickly. I find having a long hot shower can be quite cleansing. Getting outside and connecting to the world can be good if you can make yourself.
Exercise, meditation, yoga, journalling, cooking something wholesome and delicious, eating something healthy (I find juicy things, like an orange or cucumber or something are good), drink some water.
Thanks, looked up the madness group, looks nice. Although I find it sometimes hard to read about it. Same as reading the Big Book in the beginning, probably because it’s me all over the place
It’s ok to be all over the place. This also shall pass. You are not alone. Give it a try to just be. In the moment, as you are. Have patience, with yourself, with your body to adjust to the new meds, with your mind. When the hamsterwheel goes nuts, tell your mind to shut the fuck up and look & listen to a beach or water video on youtube. I do it regularly and it always helps me (to be honest, I fall asleep half of the time).
It is a lot! I have tried looking into it for my Mum and found it confusing. I have been on my own health journey and I think you are right to compare it to recovery. It isn’t necessarily a linear or straightforward thing. It takes time and perseverance. That’s why it is so important to find the things that help get you through the rough bits. Being kind and trying to give myself some grace has been a big lesson, don’t always get it right but I try!
It is indeed a lot unfortunately next to my other diagnoses. Sometimes don’t now what is what or some are even valid. I feel lost and overwhelmed. Gonna be step by step, but I feel I loose it sometimes. My therapist focus’s on my healthy side, I understand that, but I feel I need more to get out of this.
). Exhaustion I linked also to it, but not yet overwhelming. If those diminish I will be over the moon.
Thanks for your suggestions. Halt is something that’s indeed under pressure if I feel depressed and exhausted. But allowed my mother to cook for me the last days, because I was exhausted. Will try the gratitude lists, some resistance to it. But I think I make it way to big. I’m grateful for the replies I received on this post and for the meal my mother prepared 
