So… I have been through a lot since the last time I used this community just over 2 years ago.
Perhaps ‘used’ is not really the right choice of word… let’s say, it’s been just over 2 years since I’ve reached out to this community.
It’s now 22:57 and I’ve been sleeping all day after arriving home just before 07:30. Safe to say it’s a bit late to tackle any resemblance of yet another day I’ve let slip through the cracks into a realm of which is now beyond my control.
All I feel now is guilt. I was, prior to the present moment, one month meth free.
The last time I saw this community, or even thought this was a good idea, meaning, getting off the gear, a good idea, I had a full time job and couple of people who were willing to help me battle with my shadow.
Since my last visit I, quit my ‘real’ job, to focus all my attention on my full time drug dealing career, which, lasted the best part of 3-4 years before it was cut short by a couple of bad decisions to trust someone in the same line of work.
… Currently I am unemployed, on bail, after being arrested just before Christmas 2022…
I want to believe, really, that for Meth. I’m done. It’s the only substance I have had a big problem with, as in, like, after that first hit. Rraaarahhh. …2-7 days later, spent all profits, look like a ghost, feel alone like death. Rinse and repeat.
The lack of motivation, low self-esteem/confidence, self doubt is very real.
…If anyone has tips to help, I’m an open book.
