So I decided to put out my addiction issues out there as a way to introduce myself and remind myself of my problems and also how far I’ve come. Hopefully others can relate too.
I’ll try be as short as I can, a lot of stuff has happened over the past 17 years.
Alcohol, my first love since I was 18ish. Drank to excess for years. People had to look after me. I would be super sick, not remember nights, end up at random peoples houses, black out, become aggressive, the list goes on. I drank drove way too many times than I care to remember. Then I wouldn’t remember even driving. I was in love with alcohol! I got into huge fights with people, i self harmed, I even had the police take me to hospital one day. Such a low point. I was sent to a retreat place for 28 days to get my life together when I was 25. I didnt care and even drank while I was there.
Up until I was 27 I’d always been pretty anti drugs. I’d tried a few times but hated the feeling. But one night I was pressured to try meth by some much younger girls. I was scared, I have always had bad anxiety. I had the smallest puff. I loved it! I had such a great night. I went from wanting to do it some weekends, to every weekend, to during the week, to most days. I lied to people, I stole from my housemates. I became a person I never thought I would. I smoked meth on my own all the time. 5 months past and I could see how messed up I was becoming and my life. I stayed in bed for 5 days, cleaned up and never touched it again. Alcohol was still my friend. I continued to drink all the time. I went to work drunk, I turned up most places drunk. I then was introduced to cocaine. This was my drug!! I loved it! I couldn’t afford to do it that much but I did quite a lot. I didn’t become ‘addicted’ as such but I would have it at any opportunity where I was around it. ( my last time was just this gone Friday) my last hurrah I’ve told myself. I also want to mention that through my 20’s I’d say I had a sex addiction. It was my goal and on my mind every day. Drinking and sex was my only focus in life, But that’s a whole other story. The last 5 years I’ve been in a relationship with an amazing man. He got me through my distructive drinking. Although I’m not a distructive drinker anymore, I have drunk pretty much every day the past year. Obviously I still have a problem but because my life is fine and no longer out of control, I guess I convinced myself it’s not a problem. I obviously have an addictive nature so now I’m ready to make real changes. My health has suffered. I feel so awful on the inside. I want to feel better. I want to feel free, as silly as that sounds. Apologies for the long post. I know I can keep myself accountable having written this and I want to remind myself that I’m doing better than I was years ago. Plus being open and honest with myself right now is a good start to my sobriety. Hope to connect with lots of people here and support eachother. Love and strength to all ️
Hi! Thanks for sharing your story. Sobriety is still very new for me and I’m learning from everyone here. It’s great to have people here ready to listen and support. We are strong! We can do it! ☉❤
Thanks Rain! It’s new to me all over again too. I’m sure we’ll all learn from eachother and give eachother support when the tough gets going. Keep up your good work. ️
I too am with someone now who cares and wants the best for me, however it’s the destructive thinking that comes into effect still when alcohol is involved. Makes me do things I wouldn’t dream of when sober.
Hi Stav!Thanks for your words. Haha nice to hear someone else shares my story.
It’s great to have a supportive partner in life. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for my partners support and that he saw good in me to not give up on me.
Yes the alcohol can bring out the very worst thoughts and behaviours. Keep on working at it, keep having faith. You can do it! We can do it!
I am new to sobriety as well and I am trying to find my way. I hope that you find the support that you need and want within this group as I have so far. You’ve been through so much, and you definitely deserve to feel free. Good luck
Thanks so much Anya. Appreciate your words. So far this community seems amazing! One things for sure, I am a tough cookie. I know I’ve been through my worst. I hope you are doing well and staying strong ️
Sounds like my life but with just alcohol. Been to two 28 day in patient programs and several outpatient and still failed. It’s so depressing to me and today I’m starting over again. We can do this!
We CAN do this! Sometimes i think failing is a part of the real road to recovery. We learn more each time and want sonriety even more than last time. Stay strong!
Your body has an amazing ability to recover if you give it time and nourishment. The gift for your work being sober every day is looking at yourself in the mirror, seeing subtle improvements, and most of all feeling proud of yourself instead of ashamed.
It sounds like you’re hooked on all these cheap dopamine highs. That’s a very hard cycle to break. Your GP may be able to help you out. I’m on Wellbutrin which helps ward off different types of craving. No silver bullet but anything helps.
Sharing defintely helps and is a great way to keep yourself accountable. When I go back a read past posts I’m amazed at my story and how crazy all the BS I’ve done and put myself through sounds. When you’re feeling uncertain about your sobriety, come back and read your posts.
Welcome! It definitely doesn’t sound silly to want to be free!
I have loved being free from cigarettes for 20 years. Getting to the same place with alcohol is a big goal for me. I would smoke a cigarette at gunpoint but that’s about it. Imagine: This could be you and your your poisons, “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me”
@NostalgicNat welcome to a better happier way of life. You have shown all of us a great deal of strength and courage by sharing your story. For many years I knew I was an addicted especially when it came to weed and alcohol Thier wasn’t a day that passed I was either high or drunk that lastesd about 4 years for me. There where times I did find myself trying to get sober. 1 day 2 days hell sometimes I’d make it three. This cycle would go on and on. Convincing myself I’d quit one first then the other. How silly that seems now. Soberity for people like us can’t be done alone we have to come together and tell our stories to share in our struggle because doing it alone lead us down the rabbit hole over and over again. We stay sober we help each other we show each other that there is hope of for a greater tomorrow. That we don’t have to continue in the pain, the suffering. That we can love ourselves, care for ourselves, respect ourselves. We find this through each other we each other when we can’t love ourselves. Then we find the person we truly are and the love seems endless and true happiness is found. We stay sober.
I’m doing pretty good today thanks Pamela. I did really feel like a drink after work tonight, but the feeling passed pretty quickly. Day 4 nearly down and feeling good. Friday night, tomorrow night, will be a test but I’ve got great support so i think ill be ok.
How are you doing? Stay strong
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