Ive just come off a 30 hour binge of booze, coke and gambling. Feel rancid and at one point i thought i was gonna have a heart attack. My gf thinks i have been sober for 7 months but i have been getting drunk every 4/5 days or so. I made about 4k on roulette over the past month and ive basically spunked it all over the last few days or so. I’m in crippling debt of about 70k and on a payment plan that still takes a lot out of my wages, which is just depressing. I’m on anti depressants but i suspect i never really needed to take them, i just need to be free of my 3 demons of booze coke and gambling. I just deleted my dealers number and also my mate’s number who i got it off of. My gf is pissed off at me for going AWOL the past 1.5 days. I just feel like my life is a mess and its scary to think i can’t have those vices in my life as i can’t control them. I love being drunk and high but i hate all it has taken from me and all the problems it has caused. I am trying to be brave about this and i am not going to lie to myself anymore. It’s slowly killing me. I want to stop all this but to be honest i have tried to stop so many times i don’t even know if I believe i can do it. I don’t have any other option but to keep trying. Any advice gladly welcome. Thanks
Welcome to this awesome community. You can’t do this alone. I suggest you come clean with your gf and check out this link. Resources for our recovery
Congratulations on admitting you have a problem.
I just want to say that you may not want to get rid of the anti-depressants yet. Alcohol is a depressant, so drinking will have counteracted whatever positive effects you would have seen with them. I thought maybe I didn’t need them as well, but my therapist encouraged me to continue and even up my dosage when I decided to get sober for good - 30 days tomorrow and I’m feeling great! My mood is noticably more stable, even compared to other times I’ve taken a break from drinking (I did almost 2 months earlier in the year but always with the intention that I would drink responsibility when I started again - yeah, not. I very quickly realized I was an alcoholic and needed to stop for good).
I’d focus on the sobriety first, and once you’ve got some time you can reassess how you feel about the medication.
Welcome. I second what @Lisa07 said and definitely check out the link. Be honest with your girlfriend and allow yourself to get help. You can do it. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
Welcome,have you thought about residential rehab just to give you the breathing space for your journey ahead ,you said you thought you may have a heart attack that is a reality that is all too real,I stopped my drug taken BC I was on a verge of a heart attack myself I was put on pills that useally much older ppl go on to lower an extremely high blood pressure.i hope you stick around it’s a wonderful place to be and there’s so many kind ppl to help and advise stay safe 
Congratulations Tom for joining this community and welcome. It sounds like you dug pretty deep down into the rabbit hole. Hopefully you’ll decide to throw the shovel away for good. There’s no reason to dig any deeper, if you CHOOSE not to. You make the DECISION if you want to continue down the path of destruction that you’re headed in or if you want to CHOOSE to better yourself and be willing and honest to do whatever it takes to achieve a life in sobriety. There are many incredible resources to help you along your journey and Talking Sober is a great start. Keep reaching out Tom and stay connected to this community. 
Is this really the case? Or do you love not feeling miserable? Your joy does not come from substances, but from a good life. You can get that joy. You can love yourself again. All you have to do is be honest with yourself and stop abusing. You CAN do it. You ARE in control. Good luck
When youre in a hole, stop digging.
If you start now with a recovery plan, in a few months these problems will be managable. I wanted to get sober and have everything fixed immediately, but it doesnt work that way.
Most of us have been in hopeless situations, but through some WORK we find ourselves in situations of hope.
I think just deleting the numbers wont be enough, if youre anything like me you WILL find a way…and we dont want that right?
My advice is to start a recovery plan. Would you rather be sober, but in uncomfortable social situations, or continue to rack up your tabs?
Sober my vicea are managable. I dont smoke many cigarettes or gamble much, not that either are my vices, but load me up and my wagers get bigger. Now, maybe 20 bucks once a month.
Get back to me.
@Gimlifrog77 start creating a supporting environment. People that can be helpful in your battle. People that you can be honest.
You shared here very well. Find more ways and friends close to you that are willing to help knowing your addictions
Welcome! Check in here often, even it its just to read other posts. It has really helped me. I thought I loved being drunk but always hated the way I felt the next day. I really hated it. It felt good at the time but was destroying my life. I love how I feel now much more than the temporary high of being drunk gave me. I will tell myself when I crave a drink “who do you love more? Alcohol or your boyfriend, kids, job, health?”. It helps keep me straight.
Thank you for all the kind comments. I need to do something differently this time and hoping his app is the way forwards for me. I’ve been to AA meetings in the past but i didn’t find they did a lot for me. Maybe i didn’t go in with the right mindset. I feel sad that I’m not going to drink, which doesn’t make any sense as i know deep down it is terrible for me and it controls me.
When I’ve gone on this heavy of a bender i find day 3/4 the hardest as i am so ill right now, the thought of touching booze or drugs is easy to reject. I will stick with this and I have been reading posts and stories. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I hope you all continue to find strength in your journeys.
Day 2 and im starting to feel physically better. Just keep telling myself that i am not doing this again. I know i want this new sober life but its scary to let it go. Luckily I’ve got just about enough cash to see me through to payday so i don’t need to worry about that after all that excessive gambling. Ive had some months where i was down to zero after 5 days since payday. Those were rough and i had to borrow off friends and family which is shitty.
You dont let anything go, you gain the world back.
I get what your saying with you’ll miss not drinking. I feel the same. Then I think I really miss me. I thought about it lots im a very social person at work I don’t know why I feel I need alcohol to go out or the moment i get off work or on every minute of my day off. I miss my daughter who really lately doesn’t want me over. She knows I have a problem and I know she’s right. I’ve been sober for 20 hours and I actually feel really good…yesterday was hard but I woke up this morning without a hang over. I didn’t get up in the night to have a drink. I actually went for a run this morning…i use to be a runner but instead of working out which I truly enjoy, i spent the last year really messing up and letting alcohol get completely out of control. Focus on today. It is good to let go of the temptations. Im sure you have a strong mind, wanting to STOP is important. I don’t want to drink my brain away. I have had many blackouts recently and really miss what I can’t remember. Anyways, one day at a time. Maybe put some sneakers on and take your girl for a walk to a park and even if you can’t be honest today, just enjoy your eyes without the drugs! Hope this helps a little.
I absolutely love this and needed to hear this today
I’m really sorry everyone. I lasted 6 days. Had coke, booze and i lost 500 quid gambling. Feel awful about it. Started off in earnest and i let it slip. I think i need to be more involved and really get in the sober pack. I watched a video on youtube of Steve-O from Jackass talking about sobriety and he said you need to get deep in the pack. I will try again. I’m sorry. Hope you all have the strength you need.
6 days is a start! Dont get discouraged and give up. We all started somewhere. Gambling is a tough one. I think what helps me is to look at how much statistically you are NOT likely to win! Stop throwing your hard earned money away!! Get sober. Get your head in the game. You’ve got this. I live in Vegas so I get it …the gambling is EVERYWHERE. My close friend is addicted and I hear her tell me how THIS time shes gonna hit. She has lost her job and boyfriend over it. Dont let that happen to you! Its all lies to draw you in. LIES and DECEPTION! Plus coke and alcohol just make you feel like shit the next day. Take it one day at a time. Good luck! You can do it!
Hi! Your honesty matters. Be honest to you.
Sorry is not needed here, we are all addicts and alle have the same disease.
All you can do is take measures…
You deleted the numbers but still got your coke…
Think it through what came first? Booze gambling of the coke…
Make a “action” scheme when you notice your slipping in the old pattern, and try to recant what caused you to cave in.
Good luck getting in the program.
Butndonremember you choose to use.
So you can also choose not to. 
Thank you for your kind words. It was the dreaded first drink that was my downfall. Trigger was wanting to escape my reality. It’s so foolish, i can never escape my reality, i know i have to change it for the better so i don’t want to escape it anymore but i was weak. Drunkenly i got a number off a mate and another number off another mate and ended up with my old dealers number again. I guess i need to be upfront with all my contacts and insist they don’t give me anymore numbers no matter what i say.
Good for you doing some analytics.
In NA were I found my recovery eventually there is a saying. “all we have to do is not pick up the first”. In that construct there are no other parties involved in you not using. Don’t make it anyone’s responsibility but your own. Time to cut the crap right…
Escaping reality, if only that was a thing brother. There is merely postponing reality and that always comes with a shot off “it got worse”
You might want to consider you don’t have to do it alone, our disease is that powerful brother it will search and find your weakness and exploit it till you’re wasted and brokerder then the day before.
Accept you are powerless. Find help in whichever way suits you. Since money is an issue for you I’d say try NA for a bit. Fuck ego fuck reservations fuck doing the same thing over and over getting shittier results.
Good luck recognizing your rock bottom brother.
It’s once we hit the bottom of the pit we will desire to reach out to the light.
Don’t try this alone, find peers!