My name is Dusty. I have been a binge drinker for many years,it increased tenfold during covid.
I come from a family of heavy drinkers. As a child i suffered with debilitating shyness,as a teen the alcohol made me confident. I joined the ambulance service at 18 and i was a paramedic for 12 years.In hindsight i think i was to empathetic to do that role and it has had a detrimental effect on me.I would finish a late shift at 1am go home and drink a bottle of wine to help me sleep. It just got worse from then on in. I,m a very loving happy and affectionate drunk and it never really caused any issues. I just know deep down it is going to kill me. The thought of boredom and never drinking again is all most to much to think about. I just wish i could be normal.
For me i didnt think i was normal, i got to meetings and they helped wish you well
I truly enjoy reading your replies to people. You have a natural knack for being very supportive.
Dusty, you’d be wise to hear this persons words. He speaks the truth. He is one of many many ppl that are rooting for you to succeed.
Trust me when I say, I like James, was very much like you and while we are both still early in recovery it gets much better and life really is fantastic sober. You aren’t missing anything in your old world of drinking that is truly enjoyable. It’s all just a lie we tell ourselves.
Best wishes for your brighter futures.
Welcome! You are not alone here.
The thing I discovered is that I prefer remembering normal (“boring”?) days to forgetting the “excitement” that drinking gave me. We remember so little when we are drunk, and remember so much when we are sober. I felt like my life slowed down again, and I was living it, not remembering brief snatches of it.
Good luck. Sobriety IS better
Thank you all for your words of support, it means a great deal.
I had started to get auditory hallucinations and when i wake up i would be certain i had been talking to someone.
I have been recommended some good literature that i will read up on. Once again thank you all
Welcome to the community 
It’s nice to have you with us 