Tips for legal separation/ how to repair damage

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Hey family!

My name’s Richard, got 50 days today!

I wanted to share, I’m in rehab and have done so much damage in my life/ marriage/ relationships in general. My wife has started to visit me the last couple weeks thankfully and brings my 3yo daughter which has been the light i needed.

She told me she had divorce papers all filled out and ready to rock, but she’s confused and conflicted, loves me and our life we’ve started but she’d feel safer financially if we separated. Usually I’d panic and freak out, try to convince her it’s not a good idea, but I heard her out, validated her, and told her I’d support her no matter what. Honestly I was dying inside to say those words but I feel better knowing where we stand. This is all uncharted territory to me and idk what all it entails.

Have any men/ women gone through this and made it to the other side better than ever? Any tips on how to navigate this? My sponsor has been a huge help but I’d love a woman’s perspective on it. My wife had heard it all from me and I’m staying away from making promises or trying to tell her all the changes I’ve made. I really want my actions to speak for themselves but I’m scared shitless that it’s a precursor to losing my wife.

Thanks for reading and any input!

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My first day without a drink, my wife came down to bail me out of jail. Again. And she told me in a deadpan voice I had never heard from her before, and haven’t heard since “This is the last time I’m doing this”.

Some months later, I learned from her that she had contacted a real estate agent and gotten an appraisal on the house. She was ready to take half the proceeds and the two kids and start over.

Brother, I was on the brink and didn’t even know it!

My experience tallies with what you want “my actions to speak for themselves”. My direct amends to her were to be present in the relationship, to consider her feelings and desires ahead of my own, and to stay sober.

Everything is gonna be alright, you just don’t know what that looks like yet. Trust your recovery program, trust your higher power, trust the sober people around you.

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