Tired of feeling like I'm not enough

Emotional Support
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I dont understand why I always gotta beat my self up … if I’m not dieting or in full face of make up I’m so mean to my self.
I do love makeup its therapy for me but I wanna love myself without it too.
I’m new in recovery and I have put weight on, I dont get why I cant love my self being plus size. I think plus size is so sexy , im attracted to plus size woman but I hate it on my self … smh… even when I did loose a shit ton of weight I looked amazing in clothes didnt like my body naked… I love my body naked now and dont like it in clothes makes no fucking sense…
I’m tired of it , I’m tried of hating on my self… had therapy today not sure if that triggered it but fuck me its exhausting…

Anyone else have similar shit going on?

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I’m honestly struggling with this too :frowning: the weight I’ve gained bothers me alot. And I struggle to lose it. I do exercise and weight lift but my eating isn’t the greatest due to switching addictions. It’s gotten better but I still struggle with “normal” eating. I think overtime as we grow in recovery, we realize that there is MORE to us than our appearance. My appearance in the sex trade was #1 for years. And when I gained weight (even 7+ years of being out of that lifestyle), it bothered immensely bcuz I placed all my worth back then on how I looked etc and that belief was still there. I truly do believe that when we gain longer time in recovery and we begin to discover that there is more to ourselves that outer appearance, we begin to develop that self love. I know it’s hard girl but I do believe that as long as we stay clean and sober, these things will come to us in time.

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I hate for you that you struggle with this but in the same token I’m glad I have someone who cant relate and doesn’t think I’m bad shit crazy .
You know something I have been celibate since the end of November because I refuse to give my self to another person until I’m secure in who I am agian. If I cannot love myself I cant love anyone else. Learning to pick up the pieces as I uncover my childhood trauma of feeling un wanted , unsafe , unattractive… is so hard… I definitely got better with age lol … I was unattractive up until I was about 16 17 years old then drugs made me escape and slim and violent sex was the only connection I had that felt like I was all the things I was looking for.
I totally understand what you were saying and can relate.
Totally I decided to start my apple cider vinegar and smaller portions no night eating.

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I think it’s an thing addicts struggle with, but so does the rest of society,

It’s kinda hard to love yourself as is, cause we are our own worst critics.

Especially in recovery and early recovery we often gain weight rigjt away, only to drop it later. But in the beginning everything is a struggle.

Society does make it worse, if your thin, your too skinny must have a disorder, if your heavier, you should be ashamed of yourself, for letting yourself go.

Like you have to be that perfect 5’10 138lbs blonde hair blue eyes, 38DD girl, you see airbrushed and photoshopped on magazine covers. Which is well like 1% of the society and half of them have shitty attitudes.

So I say fuck that, and your right there are plus size women that are extremely attractive, and I known plus size girls that lost a ton of weight and look horrible.

As far as anyone else’s opinion of you, if they can’t find you attractive as you, we’ll they aren’t worth your time, Be the best you for you.

And as far as the diet, it’s good to have a healthy regiment, to be in a better place physically and mentally, you’ll see positive changes in both aspects, I i didn’t believe it until I did it, how healthy and clean eating can help your mental health as well you’ll look and feel better, ease it in and get a great output

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Thank you for this .
How did you change your eating habits? Also when did you notice it helped with mental health?
I decided no more night eating , smaller portions and apple cider vinegar. It’s not a diet that I snap and crash on , it will keep me in check . Also help my manic episodes feel like there focusing on something .

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Huge hugs lady! Our minds have definitely been wired a certain way for so many reasons. It’s heartbreaking honestly to hear of your childhood trauma ans how it has effected you into adulthood. One day at a time tho for everything. I have really been trying like urself to make changes to my eating. I do count my calories and carbs (I guess bcuz I have tendencies to overeat and I like to feel some sense of control over my daily eating). The late night eating one is hard but I’m trying tea tonight to see if that helps curb that. Acceptance of where we are at is certainly a journey, as is self love :heart: How have u been doing otherwise?

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Let me know if the tea helps , I’m not much of a tea drinker and it’s so bloody hot here lol…
Here I go with excuses ffs…
I’m good trying to be patient with myself, I want to fix everything about myself that I don’t like at once and it becomes overwhelming but that’s the manic in my bipolar so honestly just patience, I feel really good in my recovery and every day I’m getting stronger and for the first time I think in my life I can say I am really happy without alcohol I don’t know for sure I’m happy without drugs but the alcohol part is huge because up until the last 6 months of my life I couldn’t even admit to myself that I had to drinking problem only drug problem. But thank you so much for asking honestly. Now enough about me how are you doing?:heartpulse:

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I love hearing this!!! I remember one of ur past posts about struggling with alcohol. That’s why I asked. Just wanted to check in :slight_smile: I’m so happy to hear that ur thinking has sort of changed around alcohol and that ur enjoying life being clean and sober. I am doing well overall. When it comes to my addiction to drugs I’m working my way up to 6 months now. Shocking and effin incredible for me to realize this, but it truly does get easier over time. I just have to watch that I don’t get complacent on my recovery stuff. The eating and the whole self love and acceptance piece is sort of where I’m at right now (the stuff ur post was about). But I try everyday to be healthy and exercise (even for a bit). Definitly trying to watch thay negative self talk also. But im truly happy being clean. I’m so grateful to have people like you and others on here in my life :slight_smile:

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I used an app called my fitness pal, it’s free and there’s a paid version If you want more in depth results,

I would log all my food, intakes, and exercises daily so it kept track of my caloric intake as well as proteins sugars carbs etc. if you didn’t put in a meal it would send you a reminder, it also got me eating more regular, which was great. Because I was never hungry and once I got myself dialed in, I could eat from a trough and not exceed my intakes

I set it up based on my goals, you can adjust it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintain.

The big thing was eating less more regularly for me, so it helped me build a constant fuel for energy but I wasn’t gluttoning at night either so that helped as well.

As far as mental health I was having results at about 2 weeks, I was about 6 months sober at this point, so your mileage may vary

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Aww I’m so proud of you :clap:t3::clap:t3::clap:t3::clap:t3::clap:t3::clap:t3:
Thank you for checking in and sharing .
I definitely agree I can see it gets easier over time and this whole sobriety and healing theres definitely layers to this shit.
I read something I loved.
" I never met a person who regretted getting sober "
This will forever help and motivate me.
Sending :heartpulse:

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Wow reading your words , you sound like a very kind and humble person. The world needs more people like you in it
:heartpulse::heartpulse:

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Okay right on that sounds do able …
Thank you for sharing

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Oh also, not sure of your plan budget or any of that

I have an Apple Watch I’m sure most other smart watches have an option to keep track of your activity daily. Or you can use an app on your phone. Keep track of your calories burned and such.

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Thank you, it is kind of you to say.

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I really admire that you are understanding that you should love yourself first! You deserve, DESERVE to love YOURSELF before you commit to an outside relationship. Feed your soul, feed your spirit, fill up that cup of well-being that is thirsting to be filled up. Fill yourself up with good, pure, soul quenching things. Keep doing it and then do it some more. Look at the inspirational posts on here, I just went through there and made a vision board of all the quotes that resonated with me. You sound absolutely lovely, go enjoy yourself! :grin:

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Thank you so much , like wise my dear.

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