I’m laying here in my bed after a night of partying feeling like, honestly I don’t even know what I feel. All I know is I’m tired of this life. I feel like I’ve been trying to stop this constant cycle for so many years and I’ve failed and I’m hanging on by a thread right now.
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Thank you . I just feel like after so many years will I ever stop this using. I really want to I’m just so scared I never will. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to. All my friends are using and I have no health insurance to go talk to a professional
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You really have been a great help. I’m so thankful for you and this site.
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Hey I relate, I used to party all the time. The days after were miserable and my potential locked behind a gate of partying and hangover/come down haze. Then I realized that it just wasn’t worth it for me because for one, the people I partied with were catty, cliquey, and boring peacocks. And two, my body just couldn’t handle it anymore and I hated wasting my weeks away so I could get fucked up and “be seen on the scene”
One of the things that helped me ween myself off of partying was asking myself what I gained from this and writing it down. Then I found more optimistic and kinder friends. People who don’t sweat the little stuff and also have something to lose and know they have something to lose. Slowly but surely, the FOMO went away. I still see some of my party friends from time and again but that’s just what they are, party friends.
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You came here, that’s a good start!
Make a commitment to yourself, follow through with the next best step to change your life.
You won’t regret giving it up even though your mind will tell you otherwise some times.
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Asking for help is often the most difficult thing to do, but it’s by far the most important.
If you truly see this destroying your life, then okay, we do life different. Different people, environments, different everything.
I know for me there’ll never be any good reasons to drink or use again. Only bad ones.
AA/NA helped me understand how to live life differently. This spot here helps me stay focused. And, my higher power drives the world I live in, not me.
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The shitty thing about alcohol is that it’s a neurotoxin. It wreaks havoc on your nervous system. This means that alcohol kills nerve cells and interrupts or completely stops neurons from firing to certain parts of your brain. It directly affects the amount of serotonin that is produced in your prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain is responsible for memory and cognition, decision making and regulating behaviors/emotions. Which leads to mood disorders such as anxiety and depression. If you already have mood disorders, alcohol exacerbates the symptoms tenfold.
I’m 63 days sober today. It’s not a bed of roses, but I’m finding that when I forgo alcohol use I don’t have as many suicidal ideations. When I was drinking I’d have them everyday. Now I have them maybe only once or twice a week. (with less intensity.)
Meetings help because it allows me to share whatever it is that I’m feeling. I get the chance to get that feeling up and out of me…
Head to a meeting, get support. Don’t let alcohol kill you because that’s what it’s designed to do.
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I partied for many years and its ultimately a deadend empty lifestyle. You will find that a lot of people you meet in those environments are also empty and/or shady. Your youth is better spent on other endeavors.
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Your first paragraph I never realized in that level of detail. I just knew alcohol is a depressant.
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Thanks for sharing this! This is very enlightening. Happy you’re here and taking your health and life into your own hands. Depression can fuck right off
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It is a depressant. But if you ask, “why is alcohol a depressant,” you’ll get some variation of the answer that I did.
Thanks, D.J. That’s what I’m trying to do. Thanks for your reply. 
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I fight depression. Sober 26 days. I know keeping sober is key.
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First off id like to send you a massive hug, i know how you feel ive been there myself and its scary to think youl never be able to control your addiction or find any kind of peace…it can be done though…ive read around some of your previous posts and my thought is that it can be done but its you that need to start believing it…alot of this is mindset, if you think you cant do it then u wont…myself and so many others on here are living proof that it can be done which makes you no different. Start getting to the nitty gritty of why you use and the reasons why…actually write them down and the ways you can work on them…if your not sure on how to work on them then ask on here…we are all here to help you…make sobriety your absolute priority and protect it with all of your being…anyone and anything that jeopardises that is out for now, make now the day u make a change for good.
My love to you 
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Only bad reasons to drink or use again. That is right on the mark/money.
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