About to go on a date this afternoon. We’re going for a walk. Really looking forward to it, but also feel some tension. We had nice conversations so far, but my addiction part was not mentioned yet. All she knows it that I had some rough times. I’m more then my addiction and also quit open to new people about it, never feeler judged. But somehow I feel reluctant to say it right away right now. I geuss I’m afraid of her reaction, while I can’t control how anyone would react to such a revelation. So having all kinds of scenarios playing in my head, which irritates me.
I think telling the truth and getting it out there would be best. It will decrease your anxiety and chances are that she will be empathetic, especially when you tell her about how hard you’ve been trying to stay sober. Just let it out. In as gentle a manner as possible. It’s a part of you. She needs to know the real you. She deserves that.
I don’t think you need to rush into telling her. Sometimes getting to deep too quickly can be too much for some people, regardless of what it is. As you say, you are more than your addiction and the right person will be able to see past that and accept your past. If things progress, the time will come to have a conversation about the deeper stuff - don’t force it just let it unravel naturally. All the best man.
No need to throw all the cards out right away, I didn’t write alcoholic on my forehead for a reason,
When the time is right tell her, if things start to take a serious Turn come clean, however I have been on a few dates with Normies never mentioned it…
I don’t think you need to tell her on the first date, you might not even like her! I wonder if behind your question is some kind of guilt / insecurity like you have to ‘fess up’ straight away. Like you would be stringing her a long if you didn’t tell her at the first opportunity? But actually you are a person in recovery, therefore a very strong person who Turned their life around. So in fact you don’t need to feel guilty at all of course, and you have already told her you had hard times. Maybe you don’t need to decide now? See how the date goes? If you end up deep in conversation about your pasts- then why not? Maybe she will tell you difficult things too! Maybe she is in recovery too- stranger things have happened!
Just enjoy the date. Be yourself and be honest if need if the conversation comes up. Keep it light but let all your positives shine through and if its meant to be, you meantioning you have things in your life you have to watch out for, that will come across positive because it will show you are honest. But above all, don’t think too much and just have fun and enjoy yourself
And that’s the antidote to performance anxiety for me. I’ve used mantras and breathing techniques to focus my mind and stop the multiple possible scenarios spinning.
I agree with all that @apes2020 said; it may be forefront on your mind as in telling her but there will be a time that is appropriate and natural to talk of those things. Have fun, I’m happy for you!
Another vote with @apes2020 and @DLS. You should only bring it up if it comes up organically. I don’t like that there is a stigma surrounding addictions and I wish that it was common to talk about it openly, always. However, I think to just drop it into the conversation would be heavy and awkward.
And I don’t know about you but I have never had a scenario play out the way it did in my brain. It’s always completely different. If you have this “agenda” of getting the information out to her, you won’t be fully present. In my opinion, that’s what you should focus on. Just be present with her.
You’ve received some great advise. Telling her shouldn’t be your first priority. Enjoy the excitement you have about the date. Don’t worry about her reaction to something she doesn’t even know yet. You will know when the time is right. For now enjoy the walk and her company. You are going to experience this sober. Enjoy it and take it easy.
We had a pleasant walk, it came casually across. She knew I had some rough times so it came up then, but she reacted relaxed and empathetic. For the rest we talked and talked enjoyable and lightly. We laughed a lot as well. So feeling good, tnx all again for your insights!
So glad to hear it went well… Looking forward to hearing how things unfold forward we all love a good love story on here, am I right fellow Soberians!?!
laughter is the best connecter 
