Hello,
This is my first time posting but I have been scrolling for several months. I love this app and I made it almost six months without drinking. I told myself the infamous lies that a “few won’t hurt” when of course it just spent me spiraling. Last winter, I went to a destination wedding and got really wasted and a guy kissed me there. Should have stopped it but I loved the attention and we ended up sexting each other for a few weeks afterwards. This was when my drinking was at its absolute worst not that it should deflect my behavior either. I need to be accountable for my actions. He found out about it and I just knew I needed to change. I got sober, went to therapy, and my husband and I did some marriage building things through a self help book. I got rid of social media and things were going great until I relapsed. Well last night I got super wasted and I ended up searching for the former dude I was talking to and my husband found out bc it was saved in the google search bar. A huge fight ensued between us and I told him I wanted a divorce, which I really don’t. I love my husband and I feel so much guilt and shame for causing so much harm to him. Thankfully, my therapist I was seeing had an opening and I’m going to go to a women’s only AA group for more support. My husband left and we are both so upset. I seriously think I’m going to lose him this time and I’m beyond devastated. I really hate myself for my behavior and promised I wouldn’t do anything like that ever again and then it just all came crashing down. I feel so sad and broken right now.
AA is a great deal, go for starting and working a program for you and your future, whatever that may be for you moving forward. God will take care of the rest. You can change, its never too late. Work for it, we only get one shot at this life.
Welcome @Leydah ! I feel for you, as I know how this guilt and shame feels! Alcohol is poison and drinking it…our addiction, and even though we can know and understand this and the hurt, shame, fear and poor choices it causes, it takes more to become the master of this lesson. It takes a radical, all being, all knowing acceptance and surrender to the truth, that alcohol causes pain and suffering and that you are done with that! You surrender to this, knowing its truth and then ask for help and forgiveness, and then work on it every day, being better. I hope everything works out and that you are okay. Try not to beat yourself up or let your inner critic become you, everything will work out as it should, and this can bring you growth, strength and courage to move forward with more self-love and care. Be your own best friend right now, be kind and loving to yourself, ppl make mistakes, but we need to use them to grow… “know better, than do better” … and do whatever it takes to recover and be sober, because you can! : ) wish you well, kindest regards 
Aa is the best place now, and therapy 
Hang tough and stay focused. You can love yourself during this journey. We’re behind you😊
When I was a drunk my words were wind. I could say stuff til I was blue in the face, and I really meant it, but I almost never followed through.
Be the action, action makes everyone believe, action cannot be refuted. Get to them meetings, soak up the love, the message, the understanding and work those steps.
I’ve done and said a lot of terrible things to my wife, burned it to the ground so many times, but we are still together, and sober and in a much saner, happier and healthy place thanks to AA and therapy.
Nothing’s over til it’s over, and the only thing you can control is yourself. Be the person you want to be and put the rest in God’s hands.
I understand. When I was drinking I had countless very similar drunken fights with my husband…not about other people…but basically about nothing but being a desperate drunk and in emotional pain. Drinking was horrible for my marriage and I would toss out divorce like it was nothing routinely. I was a real mess and an unhealthy spouse.
I am glad you are meeting with your therapist, that’s a good step. And getting back on the sober track can only help you heal. It isn’t easy, but it is so worth it for your self esteem and self love. Understanding what is lacking that you are trying to fill with alcohol can only help you move forward.
I am sorry you are going thru this and hope you can move thru this difficult time with honesty and strength to rebuild yourself stronger and more whole and sober. You deserve that.
Keep your focus on getting and staying sober and you will be okay no matter what happens. 
Give it time. You messed up and he needs space. In a situation like this, action is everything. Get sober, attend meetings and show your focus and hard work. I had a similar situation-except worse. I cheated on my boyfriend of five years with another guy for about a year. Completely had another relationship with someone on the side. Drinking definitely helped this to happen and I didn’t realize how much damage I had done until I got sober about five months ago. I ended up back with my boyfriend and he has forgiven but sobriety is a huge part of it. Alcohol brings out the worst in us and you getting drunk put you right back into the mindset you had been in the last time you were drunk and were talking to this guy. If he really sees you trying, he will take you back. Give it time and get yourself back on track. We are all rooting for you 
Thank you for your reply. I definitely do NOT want to drink and I’m just disappointed in myself for relapsing. There are things we need to work on and hencame home the next day and we sat down and had a good talk. He still doesn’t trust me, which I can understand, and I’m hoping I’m time I can earn it back since I royally fucked that one up. I’m going to my first meeting on Wednesday and I’m going to a women’s only group so it doesn’t open the doors for more trust issues to come between us.