Tonight I am broken. Tonight it feels as if my sadness will devour me. I am not in danger of relapse, I have no desire to use. No tonight, I’m just heartbroken. Tonight I’m hurting at the fact that it took my husband dying to get me clean. Tonight I’m devastated at the thought of what if I’d stayed his steady anchor, never started using with him. Could he have been so much more? Would we have been so much more? Would he still be here today? Everyone tells me I’m strong, tonight I don’t feel strong nor do I want to be strong. 
tonight I miss him immensely 
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You are always going to miss him, you are always going to have what ifs.
You don’t always have to be strong. It’s okay to feel hurt and sad and to cry. That’s all normal. I’m sorry you’re feeling down. Sorry that he died. All you can do is continue on and be proud of yourself that you’re clean and keep your message going so that others will not overdose and die like your beloved did.
This is a good site for comfort and compassion, understanding and talking.
Big hugs.
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Remember that its ok to feel broken and not strong sometimes Sarah, youve been through so much id say its normal to feel as you are but you will and can get through this, sending some big love and hugs your way lovely lady 
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My heart breaks for you my friend. I’m so so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers 
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The more we grieve in death the more we loved in life 
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Thank you all for your kindness. I wrote a very honest, raw post on Facebook about the reality of addiction and how it was during our relationship and it went somewhat viral and it brought up a lot for me as far as remembering, guilt from joining in and starting to use with him and so many other things. Remorse mostly. And just really really hoping he’s ok, wherever he may be and that he knows I’m sorry. You all are amazing, thank you for having hearts that reach out and offer comfort
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