I’m struggling to let go of my ex. I want to cut off all contact, but he has a vehicle here that needs towed. Until it’s gone that line of communication remains open. He just moved out a week ago. i want to give him a little bit of time. I have to set a date…that is a boundry i need to make. Boundries are tough for me. Before i started writing this, the thought of giving a date didn’t cross my mind…that’s insane!
I hurt him and i feel horrible. But he is part of my addiction. I thought i loved him after a few weeks and let him move into my house with my son and i after 3 months. I see that as a problem now. I put my wants over my sons safety and that is what i feel the worst about.
We barely knew each other, but i wanted so badly to be loved. He gave me the feeling i had been looking for… then after almost a year of knowing each other, he started asking about my past… that’s when things started to unravel. And even though i didnt physically cheat on him, i know i messed up. He made me realize that i had a problem. I think i love him, but i honestly don’t know. I’m not sure what i know anymore, lol.
I needed to vent and now I’m going to let the universe take care of it.
It is hard when we have an eye-opening experience. I think for sex and love addicts (and other process addictions like those) we begin to see our problem more and more as we interact with people, in particular people whom our addict brain pulls us to. It’s surreal - but gradually we become aware.
You’re doing the right thing for you and that’s what matters. Take it one day at a time and keep asking for help. Do you have another support space other than here? Personally I find it helpful to attend some recovery meetings, I go to SA myself; you could look at SLAA maybe?
Omg yes! He is the first person that has ever really wanted to know about me. When he started asking deeper questions my head felt a like tornado was ripping through it.
I am getting support through intherooms.com. i did the SAA and SLAA meetings over the weekend. Ive gone into a few other meetings on there. I got both books and I’ve started the 3 circles for saa. I have another person over there helping me get started until i can find a sponsor.
In the early stages recovery is all about recovering your relationship with yourself: who am I? (Really - not the habits I have had in the past or the assumptions I’ve made in the past; really, really, who am I?) What matters to me? It’s a journey, one day at a time, to learn more about yourself and how you live (constructively) in the world. Everyone can live constructively in the world - for us it takes some re-learning about ourselves.
That healthy relationship with self is the foundation. With that relationship you can be single or partnered and it works either way; you’re not desperately trying to hold on to something (or hide something). The healthy relationship with yourself sets you free.
Totally normal. There’s a lot of people here (myself included) who are entering their 40s and still figuring themselves out. And I think that’s the point. I don’t think that’s a “people in recovery” thing; I think it’s a human thing.
The idea that we should have some kind of “perfect life” or “ideal state” is a lie. The truth is, we’re always works in progress, and that’s the point. That’s how we learn and grow and be human.
I think people in recovery - people recovering from addiction, like us here on TS - understand this more clearly than most people do. It’s actually a special level of insight in this community. It takes a lot of effort, one day at a time; it’s not easy; but the effort created insight that is very strong here.
I’ll have to look into that attachment theory. The name alone seems like it may be an issue i have.
I try reminding myself that we don’t need to live the way that society portrays. I’ve been single more than not in my adult life, but this hit me hard.
I probably could call the city. I’ll give him until the end of March. That’s plenty of time! Then if it’s not gone I’ll do the other option. I wish i could say F off but it’s just not me.
if he deserved it i could do something along those lines. Meat or seafood in a car would be the worst that teminds me of my mom and aunt put raw pork chops under a pedos car seat when i was a kid, lol
that teminds me of my mom and aunt put raw pork chops under a pedos car seat when i was a kid, lol