Morning! I am 18 months clean today and have learnt over the past year how to be proud of what i have achieved instead of beating myself up for the poor choices in my life but recently ive noticed a certain reprocussion of my past life that still exists. I am noticing more and more how defensive i am and how much self preservation is automatic. If i feel someone is trying to belittle or manipulate me i come out swinging. I started my drug use by being naive and easily led and now i am skeptical and mega defensive. I know it is bad for me and may appear to be passive aggressive so i really want to get some perspective back. How do you alter years of defensiveness now that i am in a good place? Any advice please, it is really starting to bother me?
By accepting what you did in the past for what it is, learning from it and then letting it go. If said people are belittling you, then so be it because in all honesty, what they say doesn’t matter at all in the grand scheme of things.
You’re a Year+ into your sobriety and are starting to realize the same things I am as well. You’re rediscovering your true self. Yes, stand up for yourself when it’s needed but at the same time, sometimes certain situation’s you find yourself in is simply not worth it. What will YOU gain out of becoming defensive with said person? Proving a point? Respect? Are said people worth the effort? Do you need them to better your life or are you better off just continuing on bettering yourself and walk past them without even giving em any notice.
Sometimes saying nothing is just as powerful as saying something. It’s all about perspective. I hope that made sense.
It did thank you. I just need to develope a bypass switch. My go to is always to just react defensively. I need to learn to be more mindfull. Im usually so good at over thinking things , lol, but when i feel attacked (which im probably not actually being attacked) i just react!
If you’re not used to constantly being mindful, then keep practicing it. It’s definitely worth it. Every time I find myself talking around, amongst and too people that I know or just met, wether professional, or otherwise, I’m feeling them out right off the bat. I listen more than I talk, I’m curt and short with my responses, I study their mannerisms, where they look when talking, move there hands…
I’ve always a had a knack for reading people. I can almost always tell if they’re cool, an idiot, a douchebag, laid back, anxious, etc, etc. That shit comes in handy. Especially when meeting a crowd of new people and reading the mood of the room right off the bat.
I find getting humble works wonders, understanding were all on our own personel journey and what other ppl say and think is none of our business, I too can be very aggressive aggressive I’m not even passive aggressive lol but I work to be the best version of myself everyday, (personel views that work for me) congratulations on your clean time be proud
I think from being defensive over my addiction and the need to justify tbat im still a good person, mother daughter etc it’s spiraled to everyday life. Even at work if someone gets snotty with me i just get defensive. I need to start slowing my reaction to understand where they are coming from instead of taking it as a personal attack.