I keep cutting because it’s the only way I can cope at the moment but it’s not a big deal to me because I’m just going back into my bad habits, it’s just like I’m turning back into a different person in a way. I do have toxic traits and I use them a lot but I’m going back into my anger and violent stage again which is probably the thing I’m probably worried not because I’m worried of hurting anyone, just me getting in trouble or something because I don’t feel quilt or pity for others. Which I have been told it was weird but it’s pretty normal for me to feel these things agasint people. Of course I used to be nice to people but now it feels useless to do it like why would they deserve happiness in the first place. I like making certain people break, I feel power. I never had power over anyone before but it feels great, I still don’t fully have power because I still get bullied and whatever but it feels nice to bring pain upon someone. It’s just very powerful to hurt myself or just make myself feel pain in anyway, it’s not like I’m planning on killing myself but it’s something I’m probably going to do soon or whenever that will be but that’s really it for right now.
I think you should go seek medical help… If you can’t feel empathy or your using to close off those feelings you need to seek advice… Airing it and being open is fine but these ideas and ways of dealing with people is a conflict in yourself.
Self destruction isn’t the way, your hurting and you either don’t know or can’t see the best way to cope with what’s going on in your life.
Please go get help and talk, I promise killing yourself isn’t the answer.
I have a therapist but I just have no idea how to bring this up to her what to say and what will she say and stuff like that
You could write it down and hand her the note or read it to her. Therapists are there to help us move through our stuff and find solutions and clarity as needed. I also encourage you to share this with your therapist. It can be a huge relief to have someone on your side.
I used to self-harm. I understand where you’re coming from.
Not sure if you want to stop or not, but if you ever need someone to talk to who understands, I’m here for ya