Welcome back @2JTravNZ I remember you and have wondered how you are. Really pleased you are back with us in the TS community 
your story is a good reminder of how quickly addiction can take hold again and I thank you for your honesty and sharing.
3 Likes
Had no idea youâd fallen offâŠyou know what to do for the most part and itâs not easy, owning itâŠso a big welcome back again. Wishing you success as you move forward.
4 Likes
Day 6
Today is Saturday, its my usual day to cruise the city with a few in my system.
Not today though managed to keep myself busy enough not to pick up but the thought definitely crept in, the old just one wont hurt. We all know one is never enough.
I beat it because I didnt want to restart my days.
I also had alot to do, I rummaged so many boxes of 2nd hand cds today. Just to find my love one of her favourite albums. Its nice to have my wife back to herself and me slowly finding myself again.
6 Likes
Thatâs a lovely bonus to find a happy moment for the both of you while working your recovery 
Itâs those little things that make living sober and doing whatâs needed so precious.
2 Likes
6 days is all its taken for me to see just how much distruction and discomfort I was causing in my home.
This stereo is saving my life and rekindling my happiness song by song.
Its created a happy and safe environment for us.
2 Likes
I think thatâs wonderful. Enjoy and let the good & happy sink deep into your soul 
1 Like
Travis, well done for saying NO to those thoughts. Be on your guard for these thoughts sneaking in, donât let them take hold.
I have similar thoughts when fending off a sneaking addiction bite⊠âI am not resetting my days, and I am NOT doing another day 1â. The guilt, shame, and feeling of failure and helplessness will NOT consume me tomorrow after my actions today. Donât let it be your tomorrow either.
I hear that it takes 21 days of any new habit to become your normal. With work and patience you can erase that âusualâ routine from your Saturdays into a new healthy routine. No Sunday morning regrets.
The first few weeks are so hard, we literally fight for our lives. Iâm so proud of you Travis, keep it up my friend 
6 Likes
Aww that was lovely to wake up to thanks Binx!
Off to spend the day with wifey today, hope catch up with some friends from up North i havent seen in a while.
2 Likes
Sounds great Travis - hope you enjoy your day 
2 Likes
Iâm newer to the community and we donât know one another, but Iâm glad youâre back and trying again! Proud of you! 
3 Likes
Thank you for being welcoming
2 Likes
Just crawled into bed and was thinking about my dad.
Thats a very interesting situation one that we have slowly rebuilt over the last few years. Ive even managed to see him in person.
I come from a long line on both sides of men who drank or do still drink heavily.
Its well ingrained in our families. I have very vague memories of him always having a beer around. He doesnât drink much these days xmas or new years maybe.
I was sober when I saw him, still wanted nothing more than to sit down and sink a cold one with him. He wasnât drinking then either.
It was nice he was proud of my decision. Its easier this way maybe the next time I see him we can have a big heart to heart about life and the past and ill get some straight answers or I wonât.
Just a passing thought of something you should be able to do I guess almost as a rite of passage. Maybe we dont need to be those people.
Highly likely there will be random updates here from time to time.
6 Likes
to think for the 2nd time I nearly threw this all away. No one has ever loved me so much as this woman right here.
14 Likes
My afternoon/evening routine needs a bit of a shake up again.
Tues-thurs I get the house to myself which usually consists of finding some music to listen to checking TS then chores. Then I sit again.
I need the gym back in my life. Urgh first step is always the hardest. On top I have to change the gym I goto due to time/gas prices/proximity to work.
Im going to give it a go, see if I like it otherwise ill just make the trek back to my usual spot. Its hard when you know people and that little part community makes it easier being there.
I miss my strength, I was starting to become happy with my body and gains.
4 Likes
First day back in the gym is definitely the hardest but itâs like riding a bike! I say go for it. I never regret showing up, just regret the workouts I miss. The gym has been huge for me in my recovery journey! You got this!! 
PS - My best friend lives in Wellington. Been to NZ a couple times. Beautiful country you get to live in, super jealous!!
2 Likes
Have spent a fair bit of time in Wellington.
Im based in the South Island now, have been here a long time. Its a beautiful country for sure.
1 Like
Today I pushed through my anxiety ridden head and went to the gym.
I went to my usual spot instead of the one close to work so I had some familiarity.
Trained upper body definitely lacking some strength from all the time off.
Definitely chose the gym over drink after a frustrating day at work.
4 Likes
This evening became a situation real quick.
Had a BPD episode over something so simple as a text message.
Once I hit peak agitation that turns to anger and well thats where I stay for a while till my body eventually gives up and I finally relax. This is part reason as to why I drank and quickly.
We were supposed to goto dinner tonight and enjoy a romantic evening for our wedding anniversary instead what my wife got was an angry, self centered man who behaved poorly.
All because I have a chemical imbalance that causes lack of emotional control ffs. 9 years shes loved me day in day out good and bad amd I couldnt give her one night that means the world to her.
F**k picking up though, couldnt even bring myself to touch a 0% if we had of stayed at the restaurant.
We came home took forever as usual and ordered dinner, I think ill send her a bunch of flowers tomorrow while im at work to apologize again.
4 Likes
Day 23
Im tired, didnt sleep to well dreams of drinking.
Woke up real unimpressed with myself believing id thrown it all away. Thank your higher power it was only a dream.
Ive been feeling very off this week, more lethargic than usual, constantly tired and 0 motivation. Perhaps withdrawal of some sort? Im not sure ive felt this way previously though. I feel like its different this time. Like I have to stay clean for good.
In other news while going through this momentous journey ive decided to venture back into replacing a few piercings and restretching my labret. At 42 I just dont care anymore and want to feel comfortable in my skin again.
Odaat this journey will be made.
2 Likes
Everyoneâs journey is different. Donât be too hard on yourself. The fact of the matter is you didnât give up. You stumbled. You didnât fall.
Iâve always liked the phrase âlost the battle but Iâll win the warâ thatâs how I like to look at sobriety. The end goal is bigger.
You failed. Thatâs okay. Most people donât even try. Failure is its own success. Think about how you ended up on this path again. Where did it go wrong? What was the last thought you had before you relapsed. Even if you didnât realize itâŠsomewhere in thereâŠ.there was a decision. Find that and rewire your brain to react differently next time. Easier said than done, I know.
Youâve got this. Just donât give up. I promise the other side if it is all worth it. Itâs not a flawless or painless life. Itâs still lite. Itâs still work. Harder work for those of us struggling with addictionâŠ.. but you miss so much less. Even the bad daysâŠ.. Iâm externally grateful I can remember them all now
3 Likes