On September 27 I reached 90Days of Sobriety & I let my addiction side of my brain takeover & convince myself I could use just one day to celebrate my 90Days & at the time it seemed perfectly logical thing to do! So I got a ride with my ex-girlfriend & we drove & hour away to grab some fentanyl but she only came out with one gram which is basically nothing between the two of us but the dealer guy also pushed like 2 grams of crystal meth onto her & she don’t touch the stuff so she wanted to flip it & meanwhile we went somewhere else & got a 40 bag & they basically gave us like 4 grams over so yeah it was on & I payed for everything & my ex-girlfriend is crazy over fentanyl so she made me a quick deal where she wanted a chunk of my Fenty & she would give me the whole bag of meth to take home. Well we smoked up the Fenty & went out separate ways. Like wow, the next morning after using that meth I felt like I was half dead literally cause I kept fainting continuous until my lil brother got scared & called the ambulance & I welcomed the idea how I was feeling like death. I’ve never ever felt this rough the day after using crystal meth like it’s basically a garbage drug for the poor! My mother told the doctor she thinks I overdosed on the crystal meth & the doc agreed which scared the living daylights out of me like I just turned 43yrs old & I still have so much to do like I cant die at this point of my life! The hospital hydrated me & gave me liquid gravel for nausea. So it will officially be Day 1 starting tomorrow my friends!
Ignoring all the drama, go back to this “ could use just one day to celebrate my 90Days & at the time it seemed perfectly logical thing to do”.
This addiction thing is of two parts. First is the mental illness, as demonstrated by your illogical thinking. We’ve all had that, I myself would celebrate a week or a month by getting drunk “just once” and that would start another disastrous stretch. There is an accompanying piece of illogical thought - in alcoholics it shows up as not wanting to drink so much as to be drunk. Drugs probably make that worse - it’s got to be a very thin line between being comfortable and able to be social and being high enough to get to the numb place that extreme drunkenness is.
The other part is the connection - emotional and spiritual. When I got sober, I realized that my soul had been reduced to a flickering candle about to go out, whereas it is a guiding light for me today. I am connected emotionally and spiritually to my AA community and to my higher power. Only with that connection can I stay sober.
What were you doing during those 90 days to grow your sobriety? Why do you continue to use your ex-girlfriend as a means of getting dope? Are you being honest with yourself and with the people around you? How do you connect to a higher power, and take care of your emotional needs?
We all know how to relapse, and we know it sucks. Thank you for letting me know it still sucks. How are you going to move forward?
I definitely am saddened reading these relapse stories. Many seem to have the common thread of celebration of some milestone. That is a lie we tell ourselves to try and justify the use. Perhaps if more realized that lie in advance they could reach out for help beforehand so as to not fall down once again.
Reality is though, many use it as an excuse to use again because they truly aren’t ready to get sober and clean.
A wise person here (@Faugxh )once said why do I glorify drinking in my mind, I need to see it for what it is… and that stuck with me to this day and I now do.
There is no celebration with being under the influence, it is something we allow ourselves to fantasize so as we can justify slips. The true celebration is being in the moment and living our best version of life. Until people realize that and hold onto it, the cycle always repeats.
Find your happiness in this life and fight for that with all you have.
I wish you the best Barry and hope you soon realize that your sober self is your best celebration of life, because one time you just may not come back from that other type of “celebration”.
Best bro.
Hi @MUNKYGUY_81 I’m grateful to you for having the balls to face the truths your obviously going to hear on TS (I know your reading this even if you’ve not replied yet! ) What on this this god given earth have you been doing for 90 days in your recovery that makes you think you can celebrate with going back to the HELL .You MUST completely rid yourself of people places and things that are going to take you back into addiction and put your whole soul into changing your life ,get a programme of recovery and work it everyday . In my 90th day I’m going to celebrate it by being with spiritually healthy people I’m going to possibly treat myself to a nice meal and buy things I can continue to cook nice meals with if cooking a not your thing find something that is . What I’m not going to do is send myself back into purgatory .Thanks you for sharing and reminding me what that feels like ……Harsh absolutely …… want what’s best for your sick mind body and soul with no nicey nicey pussyfooting about …… definitely ,do things differently and you can recover 
Hopefully you can use this as a learning lesson that being sober is way better than using. My son is highly addicted to fentanol as well. You are both in my prayers! You can beat this! Please don’t give up. You’re worth it! Stay connected with us… 
Well, definitely don’t need or have to do that shit again. Any of it. Glad you are still with us and big hugs man for coming clean on it. We own our falls but don’t dwell on it. It’s in the past so we work on today.
You got a copy of the basic text? If not, I’d find one and maybe a meeting to hit up often…
Yeah, thanks man. I’m going to hit a meeting tonight at 8:30. It’s been awhile since I made appearance but it’s the perfect opportunity to do some more public venting because that does heal to talk it out!
Glad your back in the saddle with us 
have a great meeting ,share honestly and your load will be lighter .odaat 