3 days sober from alcohol and i’m encountering my first major TRIGGER. i know if i wasn’t HERE in full commitment to sobriety, i would already be drinking about this.
so my son’s “dad” has always been a deadbeat but i’m such a forgiving and optimistic person that i’ve continually put energy into caring about him. well last month he got locked up on a gun charge. after all the bullshit he’s already put me & our son thru and taken zero accountability, somehow him getting a DUI/unlicensed loaded gun charge was NOT his fault, but instead, somehow it was the COP’s fault.
anyway i spoke with him on the phone a couple hours ago and he tells me he’s getting out tomorrow. he’d stated on some previous calls that this was a real wake up call for him and he wants to be a better person, a better dad, get his life together blah blah blah. so when he told me he’s getting out i said “okay thats great what’s your plan of action?” and he says “get some pussy”.
how much disrespect am i willing to take? none more. i haven’t even filed for child support yet because i felt like we could “work it out together out of the courts” as if i owed him kindness. despite the fact that over this past year and a half he has sent me a total of $200!!! but at this point i’m just gonna file that shit. fuck him honestly.
i want to just drink and not feel the rage and despair i feel about his continual disrespect and stupid irresponsible behavior when we have a CHILD. he clearly doesn’t care about us. it’s so sad. i’m not perfect obviously i have my issues but DAMN i’m not a piece of shit though. i love my son but i hate the person who gave his seed. i want beer. i’m not gonna drink any though. i just hate dealing with this fucking idiot. not gonna drink though.
the men in my life are the main reasons i began and continued to drink. users, manipulators, rapists, addicts, liars, idiots. i just couldn’t cope with what i was going thru so i used alcohol. and then i became what i hated!! the bullshit stops here!! i am not gonna continue to put MORE suffering on myself just because men treated ME like shit.
That sounds like a whole handful and a half to deal with. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I know what it’s like to be stressed tf out and want to drink but keep your head up. Go for a walk or something and listen to some music. Take a hot ass shower and think or something or write something out. Drinking won’t make it better. You’re stronger and worth more than that.
You know and we all know you deserve better.
Don’t drink today.
Stick with us.
Find a meeting or something or someone you feel safe talking to.
We got your back Julia
Your so worth it.
@HakeemOsman@SoberGuyUSA@lorelai@mx_elle@Dazercat ….you guys…. thank you. thank you so much. i can’t describe the feeling of being supported by you who i don’t even personally know. it’s incredible.
all of you are right. i have to focus on myself and not him and his behavior. i need to do something i haven’t quite done yet, which is use the power of the pain from these situations to actually go within and alchemize. i can’t change my son’s father, and blaming him or anyone else for my distress past or current is not helpful. and as when i do change and fortify my own identity and spirit, i will no longer be available to interact in any kind of vulnerable way with anyone who could hurt me the same way again. this is crucial. not just for me but for my son.
what i’ll do tonight is: drink mango seltzer mixed with lemonade, play music with my neighbor, and when i get back from my trip to texas next monday, i’ll begin the process of filing for child support. i will not do this in a vindictive way or a way to trap him or harm him - it’s strictly business. i also will continue to strengthen myself thru sobriety, self-care, and focusing on building my career and finances. i can do this.
i want to thank you all again for your caring, thoughtful and extremely helpful answers. you are awesome.
That’s a lot of stuff to go through all at once. I admire your courage to stay sober and realize what is good and not good for you. I’m proud of you, stay strong.
if you got rid of the drink? Would you also loose the………
