Almost at 9 months woohoo! However I am feeling a bit down today. Emotionally I’ve been a bit sensitive (taking a lot of things personal that most likely have nothing to do with me :/) these last couple months.
But today my best friend posted a story on her insta of a podcast clip about how our 20s (we’re 28) are meant for staying out late partying not having matcha or a slick back bun etcccc and how our generation is boring. she quoted “may this life never find me”
I can’t help but take this personally? Am I boring for staying sober and enjoying not being feral on nights out anymore. It’s just annoying because I’m not judgemental that people live like that, I used to so no judgement here. But why when it’s the other way round it’s boring?
First of no you are not boring. I have been drinking heavily and regularly and that accelerated a lot during my 20s, now I’m in my 30s and I genuinely wish I had stopped or cut down long ago.
I am incapable of cutting down for longer than a day or so. I have let myself down and others more than I can count with drink. So I have quit.
I think you made the best decision for you, real friends would not want you to be miserable with drink and would do other activities with you also.
I have had friendships I had to let go because each and every meet up was focused on heavy drinking.
I’d be honest with yourself if this is a friendship or a drinking buddy type relationship which may sound harsh but wish I had realized this sooner with a lot of people. If she is there for you in other ways and you spend genuine time together not only drink fueled times and she doesn’t make you feel bad over not drinking them id say the relationship can likely be worked on.
I want to highlight the incredible self awareness you are showing here. Have you heard of the 4 agreements? It’s a wonderful book by Don Miguel Ruiz, one of the agreements being “Don’t take things personally”. It can be tough when you see something from a friend that seems like it’s meant for you. I’m 43 and I’ve learned that it’s never about you, it’s always about them. So a good way to learn more about yourself is to be the observer. Ask yourself why you are taking it personally, do you think you’re boring? Why is someone’s post influencing you to think a certain way? If you think you’re boring, what can you do to change that thought to a better feeling one? Are you happy with your choice to stop drinking at this time in your life? Does the opinions of your friends that are still drinking matter to you? Always use your triggers to learn more about yourself so you can heal from them and move forward.
And congrats on your sober time!! I’m celebrating 9 months very soon as well!
Be careful of soaking up the negativity and aggression behind vaguebooking.
A very common phenomenon these days, where posts are used to send out feelings and projections (she is insecure, and needs to make it about others and things outside herself, for example, so she posts something about how over there, the problem is over there with those matcha lattes).
The best strategy is to identify that this is a her thing, you can send back whatever negativity you received. Send it back just energetically, through an intention "this is not mine to carry, I send it back to her’'.
On the issue of boring (see how I didn’t start with this because its the least important issue in my perspective). Firstly, matcha lattes are the least boring beverage, are you kidding me with the level of anti-oxidants? Secondly, slick back is hot.
Thirdly, there is no activity in the world we can say ‘‘this is boring’’ in a general way. We can’t even generalize starring at the wall and saying this is boring, who says? I love personally starring at the wall. Does that make me boring? Who has that authority. No one. I have the authority towards the activity I do.
When we get sober, we just confront living differently and have to try things to find ourselves, and then when we do, we have a different relationship with boredom.
9 months is amazing. Keep going forward, you’re doing many things right!
Letting her reflections turn into your reflections just begins a negative feedback loop that probably helps no one, and certainly not you in this case.
It’s hard but true your outlooks and desires might be diverging. That doesn’t need to be personal, and it certainly doesn’t reflect poorly on you.
This happened to me more than once in my 20s and 30s, but never so dramatically as when I finally snapped out of my drink problem. The people I only drank and partied with drifted away. Largely my choice, as I genuinely just didn’t find any interest in drinking anymore and started skipping those kinda nights out. One or two seemed to take it weirdly personally that I stopped drinking. That’s their business. It doesn’t mean we’re boring though, or that we don’t still love those people.
I was lucky to have the other half of friends I never realized how much I took for granted. The ones who quietly understood I was still a whole and interesting person, just one who didn’t want to/couldn’t drink anymore. We spend more time together now, and they are such cool and healthy people, even though some of them do drink a little. They just don’t care I don’t drink, other than appreciating my feelings about it and applauding those feelings.
Hell, my best buddy and me went skydiving for our first time this year. That’s anything but boring, and something you straight up can’t do drunk. And that’s all before getting into all the cool people I’ve connected with that’re sober. They’re some of the most adventurous people I’ve ever met.
As I think about it, going out every night to get sloppy and forget half of what happened was more monotonous.
Congratulations on your 9 months of sobriety. I understand we are all vastly different people. The way we handle ourselves and react to situations varies greatly. Speaking for only myself, I get caught up in negative thinking quite frequently, but those negative thoughts are brief, and I use simple tools to redirect my thoughts. I have to remember that my decision to get sober and stay sober is the most important thing in my life !! Everything else comes second. When I was pickled in vodka and crying for help, my thoughts were not “I hope I don’t become boring” I wanted to live. One Day At A Time I have to roll with the punches and keep my determination vigorous and unwavering. Thoughts are not actions thankfully. Remember “this too shall pass”
Hold onto that sobriety and trust things will keep getting better. The alternative is deadly.
Celebrate that 9 months!! Let the newcomer know it’s not easy, but you are proof it can be done!
Is your friend the authority on what constitutes “boring”? Boring is a pretty subjective thing. Nobody gets to dictate what any stage in your life is “for”, especially through social media nonsense. I don’t mean this in a condescending or negative way, more of a general way of thinking - but who cares? Social media has no actual weight to it, it’s mostly just people projecting and curating an image. That’s when it’s actual people, not bots or advertisements. It is largely meaningless.
Do what works for you, what keeps you happy and at peace. Invest in that, rather than what other people are signaling.
I dunno, man. The bots for me have gone from booze and ibuprofen ads to ones for the (expensive) hobbies and interests I’ve taken up in my sober years.
The bots… they hold up a mirror that peers into our wallets.
Sorry to spam, but this reminds me of a live stream.
A guy who somehow got locked into doing a stream of him watching paint dry for hours. He had to just sit there and watch, only sometimes allowed to look away to glance at chat.
And it was actually kinda enthralling. Him remarking how if you just stare at it long enough, you can actually see how the paint is changing while it dries. Of course there was a camera on the paint, so you could join him in the exciting observations.
He also went a little loopy from it, but yeah… anything is fascinating once you’re paying attention.
Oh believe me, I know. Not to derail the thread, but I have gotten ads for things I haven’t even looked at or searched for online. Only spoken about in person. So even the microphone on your phone is picking up on these things and generating adverts based on it.
One of many, many problems I have with the modern world
My sober life is boring, compared to the partier, alcoholic, and drug addict.
My life is boring… compared to the adrenaline junkies.
I am boring… compared to the extravert with 6,000 friends.
But as soon as I stop comparing myself to everyone else, I am exactly who I am supposed to be. I am not bored, therefore I cannot possibly be boring.
People will judge us, they will compare us, and we will grow apart from those we were once close with; that’s a part of life. Focus on what you can control, yourself, and you will make it out on top.
Are you boring? To some. Should you care? Not at all. You do you.
