Trust? When does it get better?

Newly sober here. Just wondering if/when some trust with partners/family may return?


Trust is built on experience. The old expression that trust is easy to lose and hard to rebuild, is true. That doesn’t mean you should give up hope, but it does mean you need to keep some perspective as you do your recovery work.

Ultimately you can’t control other people, and that includes their trust - you can’t make someone trust you.

What you can do, and should do, is be a trustworthy person. Work your sobriety, find your sober community, build your healthy sober habits, and develop your self-confidence and self-care. Re-establish balance in your life.

Doing those things is trustworthy. If you live a life that is trustworthy, you will be less concerned about whether or not other people trust you; instead of worrying about things you can’t control, you’ll be focused on healthy things you can control: your healthy self-care.

Welcome to Talking Sober! :wave:


Takes a while. Our addictions have hurt, even traumatized the ones we love.

All we can do is work our own recovery for ourselves. Keep our side of the street clean and release the outcome as we are not in control. Our HP is.


I wasn’t allowed back to my family’s home for about 18 months. I’d say it was probably around 3 years sober that the trust was restored. I’m lucky that I have a very forgiving family.


Actions over time = trust.
It cannot be rushed.


Took over a year before my wife would begin to trust me.

As they say, if you walk into a forest for 100 miles, it takes 100 miles to walk out.

If you’re like me, you probably lied, stole, was not dependable, disappeared for days at a time… it takes a lot of time to earn that trust back.

Be patient. It’ll come with time.


Such a great response @Matt thank you! It has helped me to read this too!! You’re very wise :hugs:


Welcome @sevensundays :orange_heart: You’ve just gotten a great sample of the kind support and advice this community has to offer. I hope you’ll stick around and let this community help you in your sober journey.


Yeah. I think when we’ve earned it. For some it may come easy, for others it’s possibly never. Really depends, but can certainly take time.

Sometimes the damage is from a long time of bad behavior and can take just as long to mend.

A recovery program is great for working on this and it’s a later part of 12 step programs.

In any case, the best thing we can do to build that trust again is to stay sober today and focus on how to be dependable and set things right today.

I’ve mended a lot of broken relationships in recovery. Some quickly, some slowly. One or two did not accept, but that is in their right.