Taking offense to what others say is a sign of weak internal fortitude. Let it go. Just let it roll off your skin. Being offended is a choice.
Someone says to you that your kid is stupid? “Well, that makes sense. He is part me, after all.”
Someone says that your wife is fat? “Yeah, ever since the twin pregnancy she’s struggled to get it off. Shes always trying to improve herself. That’s what I love about her.”
You dont have to let it affect you. Was it messed up for that person to say something like that to you? Yeah, it was. But, you can control what you do with it.
I dunno man…folks can say whatever they want about me, but call my wife fat or my kid stupid you had better have a doctor’s note explaining you have tourette’s, otherwise I am going to give you a painful lesson in manners.
Not saying that those wrathful thoughts don’t cross my mind. Wrath is a deadly sin for a reason, it feels good. But isn’t in the teachings of Christ to ensure that others follow our values through threats of violence.
Forgiveness isn’t condoning the behavior of others. It’s recognizing that holding resentment isn’t going to be good for me. I’m choosing to let it go for my own well being. It’s certainly not easy to put into practice.
Once I try to control others with my power, whether intellectual or physical, I’m probably not taking the next right step. Even if one would never would use violence in that situation, advocating for it (even in jest) can move others to internalizing those thoughts.
I’m an advocate of speaking softly and carrying a big stick. But I’m not swinging it until I see someone else take a shot first. I don’t believe that words ever constitute that response.
Christ turned his cheek, I can turn mine. However, with regards to my family, He has put me in the role of Priest, Prophet, Prince, Provider and Protector. When it is the cheeks of my mate and progeny, I have the authority to trample serpents and scorpions, be they human or animal.
I’m going to have to agree with Mitch on this one. You’re not protecting your family in that situation, you’re justifying your reasoning for lashing out in anger.
You are free to disagree. I don’t claim to be perfect. I just take my role as a protector very seriously. 22 years ago, a man walked his only daughter down the aisle, and gave her to me. I vowed to “love, honor, and cherish”. One day, I hope to walk my only daughter down the aisle, and place her hand in that of a deserving young man, who I expect will cherish her as much or more than I do.
Hurt that which I cherish, pay a suitable price. If I have to ask forgiveness from God afterwards, so be it.
Okay, so someone insults your wife and you clean their plow, and then go to jail for it. Great job…? Instead of protecting your family, you harmed them by taking the provider away. There’s a time to defend and there’s a time to ignore. If there’s a physical threat to my family, I will absolutely intervene. But, if someone is just taking jobs at them, I teach my family to “be the bigger man” and walk away.
Where I live, there is such a thing as fighting words, in the law. Someone who’d call a man’s wife fat, or his kid stupid, in his presence is looking for a fight. Sure, I could lose a civil suite…which is why I have insurance,
Give me some credit. I am a practicing martial artist. You think I might have had more than a few conversations with lawyers on the whole “use of force” thing?
Do you. Be the man you want to be. I’m good with who I am, at least in this area.
Personally,I don’t give a shit what any book says. That is meaningless to me.
You call my wife fat, ugly or my kids, you’re getting your teeth knocked down your throat. Sure I might get arrested, I’ll pay the bail and go to court and then maybe pay a fine. A clean upstanding citizen like myself won’t serve any jail time.
I will let just about anything slide without getting violent, but that’s a line you don’t cross. It doesn’t really concern me what others think of my actions.
I guess we will disagree then. I personally believe in turning the other cheek, going the extra mile in twain, and giving my cloak as well as my coat.
It’s not about being a pushover. You will not change a person’s attitude or beliefs through violence. If anything, it will ground them in theirs. There’s a time to defend and a time to allow the foolish to remain fools, without diving in the mud alongside them.
My only thought is saying it’s my fault I’m offended. Maybe how I REACT to the offence is on me but I fully believe all people should learn to grow so they no longer offend. We can ALL be better.
Which goes to my point. We are allowed to be mad, offended, incensed and such. We are not responsible for our first thought and maybe not our second. However, we are definitely responsible for our actions and the consequences of those actions.
I had an instance where i learned last week that someone in a position of confidence (and potentially subject to certain laws) at my office used certain confidential information about me that may be subject to certain laws to make themselves look good to someone else here that they were trying to impress.
That second employee then blabber mouthed to someone outside the company and that 3rd party then left me a 15 min drunk dial at midnight in the office.
My first thought was to go to the second employee and tell that son bitch that he better learn to keep my name outta his mouph unless he wants to replace my name with my boot. And the person that betray those confidences, well I have some dirt that I can drastically tank his current trajectory. If I would have started some ish, no one would have said that it wasn’t justified.
But…
I was offended at first but I didn’t act and reached out to another drunk. In the end – what these people think of me is none of my business and besides I was taking up space in all their heads. Really — your life is that bad that Goat takes up considerable space in your head even tho we don’t interact really? I am glad to not be in that mindset anymore for any period of time.
I believe that we do have a choice to be offended or not. If something hurts your feelings, you have a choice to let it take root, or let it go. The inability to let it go must mean that one has allowed themselves to make the easier choice of giving into anger that it had become their instinct.
Haven’t you ever met someone that takes offence to everything. They are bound and determined to find something wrong in every interaction. It’s like they never grew out of their 6 year old self. They grew into that person.
We can change our natures. Change to the point where insults no longer take effect. Instead your internal response is sadness or pity. I think we can all become this.
Well now that the internet ____ measuring contest is over it’s time to get back to your regularly scheduled sobriety.
You will get out of sobriety what you put in to it. If you put all your time and energy in to your early sobriety you will reap a tremendous bounty. This doesn’t mean if you just hope really hard your life will get better. This means if you put your sobriety front and center, if you do the uncomfortable things, if you literally put blood, sweat and tears in to recovery, you will have a great life.
However, if you dick around and take half measures you will only get half recovery. If you think you can just focus on recovery during the evenings, or maybe you’ll just wait until tomorrow to hit that meeting, or if that job function is more important right now, you are going to stay stuck in that place where you are trying to escape from. If you don’t make any changes and just try to fit recovery in to your life, then nothing is going to change.
You can spare me all the excuses you may be thinking that you have. I’ve heard them all, and they are all bullshit.
