When I was using, and during the first few months, up to a year of sobriety I was plagued by fear, insecurities and doubt. Even though I was sober I thought I was going to be a homeless, piece of shit forever. I still had trouble looking at people in the eye, I thought every decision I was making was the wrong one. All I had known was being a fuck up for years and all I thought I would amount to was a sober fuck up. However over time those feelings went away. It took a lot of hard work to get where I’m at, but I’m in an amazing place these days.
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I think the idea that suffering is part of life is a pretty good universal truth. I also like the fact that the idea feels as relevant now as 2,500 years ago. Speaks to some kind of universality of the human existence and also gives me hope that a simpler life is both possible and desirable.
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Love this quote!! So true!
It has certainly been my experience in life that suffering is universal and that our experience of it can bring us closer to other humans…or at least engage our empathy and compassion.
At some of my lowest points, my heart truly felt broken open and able to expand to hold more space for others.
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Hoping not drink didn’t get me anywhere. No one forced me to drink, I did so willingly. Every single time.
It’s not a mind blowing thought that a drunk wants to drink. Or a user wants to cop. It’s pretty straight forward.
It was up to me not to drink, so I didn’t.
Then I was left with nothing to mask my anger and contempt for life. That’s where the program work came in, AA gave me another life, still does.
If you’re just gonna not drink, chances are you’ll be pretty unhappy with life cause along the way of addiction lane you forgot how to enjoy life and live.
I don’t care what you do to try and regain happiness in life, but do something. If it’s AA, NA, smart or Dharma, great. If it’s yoga and meditation, great. If it’s climbing on the roof of a car and barking like a dog, great. Do something to regain your happiness/contentment with life and don’t drink/use.
We don’t pick up no matter what.
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100%
Tough love with the emphasis on love. But if we aren’t tough we are allowing others to not try.
With the “I hope” posts I will often bite my tongue because I want to say “don’t hope, do!!”.
Ultimately we are the ones in the drivers seat…if we relapse it is because we didn’t do the work. No external body made us do it (unless of course your drink was spiked or something like that…but I wouldn’t call that relapse anyway).
WE CAN DO IT!!
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I also believe that the majority of this Tough Love post is to pint out that recovery is hard and you have to work it…not that you have to go to AA or any other program. If yoga and meditation helps you you have to work it. Some days it’s a hot bath that keeps me sober. Some days it’s going for a walk. And sometimes it’s going to a meeting. But sitting on my butt hoping I don’t run to the liquor store is not going to cut it.
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My “truth and tough love” for the day:
“It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us” - 12 & 12 p 90
Peace out 
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I wasn’t attempting to single you out, in fact, I have done my best to avoid you and responding to your posts as I know you have an issue with me. However, in a thread entitled truth and tough love, I thought it interesting to ask the question of what is the truth and so I replied to your post. Obviously this was an error on my part.
I have a long history with Derek and he knows I respect him and value his insights and experience. We message eachother a lot and I have leaned on him during difficult times and also cursed him for creating difficulties for me. You may misunderstand our relationship. As with family, we fight, we make up.
In any event, I did not intend to again upset you or make you feel singled out in some way. So I apologize for clearly upsetting you.
I hope we can move forward in a more positive way for the good of the community.
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We’re getting side-tracked here. The discussion about mutual tolerance and about each other’s approaches has some value, but I think is better suited for a different time and/or place, judging by how things are developing. I’d rather not have to do something like temporarily close the thread for a day while people get some air.
This is a polite request to move on to another topic suited for this thread. New threads and PMs are always available for discussion on topics that aren’t a good fit for this thread.
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After some clean up, back to your regularly scheduled Tough Love. Let’s keep it classy.
What do others think about moderation and controlled drinking? 
joking before I get flagged
Happy this is back though, one of my favourite topics to read through
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For you Darren it might work give it a shot
Let us know how this “experiment” works out.
Fun fact of the day.
Medication will not get you sober unless you actually want to get sober. Medication is a tool that can help, but it is not a program into itself. Medication cannot give you the “want” to get sober. But it can provide you help.
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Yes it’s a tool for your keeping sober toolbox.
You don’t need to encourage or condone. Condoning can be just as harmful to a person who is fragile.
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Lol I misread this. My bad
What happened?? Lol