I agree. Small steps is effort.
It is hard to see people floundering, but we cannot save them. We all get to save ourselves. It’s like having children…you can model behavior, you can provide them with the launching pad and a loving home and education…but once they are grown, their decisions and path is theirs alone.
And it is my mistake for not being that calm and considering today it is not there’s…
God grant me the serenity… And so on and so on.
100% with you, and I felt/did the same. Still often do.
A nice low bottom worked for me but I wouldn’t recommend that shit to anyone
Triggeralert SLAA
To be honest… It has to be a bit of both.
It’s kinda like *** it’s okay if you go about it gentle for a bit but to get done and done you’ll have to put some passion and effort in.
My counselor was a prick at times. It saved my ego absorbed ass I’m sure of it. Manipulative as I was with my words and endearing teddybear outlook. 
No one is forcing anything down anyone’s throat. Last time I checked this thread isn’t required reading. Someone who reads this thread must have some interest in the topic.
Well that’s an enormous overdrijving.
That I putt a mirror in front of someone is not the same as S&M. Well in some cases is might be though 
I tried it the other day… No wait wrong place 
It was meant in a general context, regarding something being “truth” or not.
As there are many ways, none of us should consider our own path the truth.
As @anon65470292 said, all is well as long as its in a manner that not sounds like “my way is the only way”.
I’m not sure anyone was up in arms, more just adding our own thoughts…our own version of truth and tough love so to speak.
I apologize if you feel I am minimizing your path. That certainly is not my intent. AA and truth and tough love have their place for many people. It isn’t your path, but approach that I wonder about.
I can see that my posts have upset you and I again apologize for that. I respect you and value your input.
I know how disconcerting it can be to feel misunderstood, minimized or taunted. I will do better to stay in my lane.
I do get you…
On the other hand…someone told me It would be just fine if a drank… My “path” is that that won’t fly and that’s my truth.
If people ask something we can give them ours.
And then they can take away…
You know I am not an asshole on the forum I am considering most of the times.
There is a but however.
If someone for example comes in saying the are so ashamed and whatnot and then go on a rant saying they have the willpower and they just used a little… Imma be frank with them.
And just say it as it is. “If you have will power why the hell did you relapse…”
In general I will tell people the same in a considerable way. You know that.
But then you come out talking about shoving it down one’s throat that’s to much…
The thread I was talking about Derek for example came out in such a positive manner but still telling what’s what for him. It isn’t cruel or hurt full persay.
For some of us, the philosophical aspect of recovery is important. For others, not so much.
Some of u r referencing a post that I haven’t read, and I haven’t been around that long, but in terms of people saying ‘hoping this time is the one that sticks’, maybe people don’t have enough confidence to stay “this time I’m going to stay sober,” I know I have failed so many times it feels conceited to say anything other than “hope”. I am also putting in effort (and other people are too). Anyway, just my two cents on a specific part of the debate.
To my mind the idea is to have the confidence. It took me 2 years to realise that this was where I was letting myself down.
Once I realised that, I haven’t looked back.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, was going to get in my way.
450+ days later and I’m still going strong.
Hope is what you are left with, when you have tried absolutely everything else. Have you tried everything else? No? Well go try what you haven’t yet tried. Hope later.
Want to be strong in sobriety? Strong is what you get, when you’ve run out of weakness.
I do understand that. And congrats on ur achievement! Unfortunately, confidence is something I (and I am sure many others here) lack, tbh, it is a big reason I drank in the first place. Especially in the early days, any show of confidence would have felt like bullshitting to me. Still nowhere near ur mark, but finally after 40 days (nearly) I feel a tiny bit of confidence.
I hear ya. Confidence has never been a great thing for me, I’ve always been plagued with self doubt.
That’s why it took me 2 years of trying.
Congratulations on that 40 days. At the end of the day we are all the same. I could still pick a drink up tomorrow.
Except for the simple fact that I don’t drink.
We never really know when someone is ready.