this place is so fucking pointless
You’ve replied with angry words to nearly everyone who has reached out to you. That level of hostility maybe can’t be addressed in a forum like this. We understand it, many of us have felt it
Are you willing to take responsibility for dealing with your anger?
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And yet here you are. I have felt that kind of anger, frustration, pointless feeling. Might be time to ask yourself why you’re here. Sure, this forum has a lot that doesn’t help me personally. But I find what I benefit from and have made what I think are life long friends. It’s the connection I was looking for with people who know what it’s like to deal with addiction. Maybe you’re here for connection and just not finding it. I hope you keep trying.
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i’m going to chug a pint of vodka and jump off a bridge, fuck all of you
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Dude what’s going on that makes you so fucking mad? You’re putting on a pretty entertaining show here but I’m not sure it’s helping you… Why not create your own thread like every second new person on here and vent away? Might bring you some relief. Then maybe afterwards you’re open to take sth in. Which you’re not now. So, see you later!
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A reminder of the forum rules and guidelines, please acquaint yourself with them before you participate further, if you choose to do so.
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Anyways. The forum gonna forum.
What I’ve found in both my using days and my sobriety is that I’m generally going to find what I’m looking for.
When I was using that meant I was looking for a reason to be angry, sad, or whatever I could be to justify my continued using and I would go out there and find it. Every damn time.
In recovery I have been looking for gratitude, hope and acceptance and when I am specifically looking for that it’s what I’ve found.
However, if I wake up in a shitty mood and I am just looking for things to piss me off that’s also exactly what I will find.
If you are determined to find negative things don’t be surprised if your life sucks. If you are determined to find the good things in life don’t be surprised that your life gets better. No matter what mood I’m in it’s important for me to remember I chose this mood.
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I agree… To a point. Some days are just bad days. And it is OK to have negative emotions.
Like in the depths of depression it is super hard to find positives. But, in my experience at least, there is usually a bit of peace to be found by accepting things for what they are and letting them pass.
Can also definitely relate to looking for things to piss me off when I’m in a bad mood, although usually it’s only with hindsight that I realise that’s what I was doing 
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That’s true.
I think there’s an interesting nuance to this. The problem isn’t so much having a bad day or having rough feelings at a particular moment. The problem is the object of the “badness”. There are lots of objects and situations I can be frustrated with (the broken freezer in my basement being one of them), but if I make the “badness” about the person (blaming myself for buying a second hand freezer, I “should have known better”, and maybe - crazy! - blaming my wife for not stopping me [even typing this now I think that’s crazy, but there it is]) instead of the object (the freezer, which is broken but which is physical & fixable: it’s not about blame, it’s just about acknowledging understandable frustration, then taking the next constructive step with the freezer), then I get in trouble.
Where we get in trouble is where we project responsibility onto other people, rather than taking responsibility in and for ourselves. Having bad days is fine! But if I’m responsible then I use emotional techniques to help myself “ride that wave”. It’s not about other people; it’s about me taking ownership of my experience.
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I remember my earliest days here. Autumn, my very first forum friend pointed out to me that fir many their sickness and brokenness manifests itself as anger. I try to remember this when responding to those who react with hostility to every offerred hand. They aren’t really angry. They are lost and afraid. They are “fear biters”.
I also remind myself that some will ultimately be consumed by their addiction, regardless of how many outstretched hands are offered.
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I describe this as "I see what I look at ".
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Yeah…That is very true if you just wake up in the morning looking for a reason to be angry the world will be more than happy to give you one…Its a vicious cycle of negative energy.
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Every time I think I want to judge or criticize someone for being drunk I always have to remember that used to be me and people probably said the same thing about me.
All alcoholics live in glass houses so we probably shouldn’t throw rocks
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I wonder if all the lies I told during active addiction were because I wanted other people to believe it or if I wanted myself to believe it?
Always telling people how hard I was trying or all these “realizations” I had. Like I know now it was all bullshit, but I wonder if I did then.
I wonder if other people could see my bullshit as easily as I can see peoples now? I’m guessing yes.
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I don’t wonder. I actually believed the lies I was telling myself and others. I was that deluded.
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A lot of this can have to do with the audience you are lieing to. If they were in the same situation they probably wouldn’t disagree with you…I ran into this a lot.
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I wouldn’t call them lies cos that for me implies the conscious intent to decieve. Like maybe when you steal, cheat on your partner or sneak your drugs. Or acitively deny you have a problem when you know you do.
I would call what you describe illusions, or delusions, and yes, I partly believed them too, partly had the nagging feeling it was bs and sth was wrong. They comfort us in that in between time when we can’t/don’t want to change yet.
Plus, like Chris is saying, other ppl also benefit from our illusions: they don’t need to look at themselves or do anything morally warranted to help us, if we tell them there’s nothing to worry about… It’s all pretty multi-dimentional, I would say.
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I now recognize this self deception in others, particularly those who are coming up with justifications that X or Y will not help them get sober. I lived it for 18 years.
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Dunno if it’s really the first. But it’s certainly a communal thought here today. 
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Library Sciences is the real deal. Takes quite a bit of education and training.
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian to look up a book for him and then promptly walks away.
The man comes back to the library a year later and is completely shocked that he never found the book. He asks the librarian to look up the same book. Again the man promptly walks away.
A year passes yet again and this time the man comes back to the library and is mad that yet another year has passed and he still doesn’t have the book. For a third time, and in an angry voice, the man demands the librarian looks up the book. Before going to the card catalog the librarian reminds the man she as attempted to look up the book for the last two years but the man kept leaving before she could.
The man gets even angrier at this comment. Yelling at the librarian that not everyone looks up books in the same way. The man then tells the librarian, despite her years of training, that he will just do it his own way.
The man storms off, having not found the book. Eventually the man dies without ever having found the book.
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