To be honest I’m not really sure what made me decide to stop drinking. I had a lot of fights at home and that played a part in it of course. Partially it was a decision to give my relationship a final chance.
But I’ve come to think at the subconscious level there was a reason for it that extended the “external reasons”.
Like so many here I simply reached a point where I couldn’t go on the way I used to live anymore.
So deep inside I just wanted to stop because alcohol didn’t serve as a self-medication anymore.
Instead of “fixing” problems, it had become a huge part of the problem.
I think the pursue of happiness is eventually my main reason I wanted to stop. Even if I loose my job, loose my house, loose my family, loose everything, there’s still me. I need to be able to live with mé and that’s the main concern. For all of us.
As so many over here, in the process of getting sober I got to learn I’m one of the many who discover their addicition was a comorbidity with underlying issues.
@Geo, Geoff you did a great job finding your way. And I believe one day we will all do eventually. It may take us time and effort but indeed, as long as we do not take a role of being a victim of our problems, we will overcome them.
Main reason for me working the AA steps is, that I’ve known from day 1 it may be beneficial for more than just our addictions.
Without doing step 4 and 5, I would still be an unguided missile lead by frustrations and angers, ignoring his own parts in situations and avoiding getting to really know myself.
I’m 6 months sober and that’s what it took to get me on my knees and really understand what recovery means. It starts with self-acceptance. And that in itself can be a struggle with mental issues but as long as we are willing to face them, work on them and find our way in them, we can overcome them.
It never is an excuse for a relapse once we decide to face ourselves and work on it.
Like Geoff I’ve been bullied heavily in school. Even switched elementary schools because of it’s severity. In those days we didn’t see psychologists or label kids. I was just a difficult kid, that’s all.
By now I can’t blame them for bullying me, I pretty much asked for it I guess by always making wrong remarks, being a different and weird kid.
It sucks, but part of recovery is looking back at our lives, see the big picture and accept that. From there, we shape the present into a better future.
I’m at the turning point. I need to find my balance in partially accepting my issues and no longer fighting them untill I finally break up again and collapse, and finding ways to deal with them in a more healthy way.
Personally I feel a little bit playing a patient so shortly after my diagnosis (10 days) but know I will find my way. I shouldn’t fight it, nor deny it but use my energy usefull to find meaningfull and succesfull ways to cope with it.
Drinking definately isn’t one of them.
If I ever drink (or use) again to deal with my issues, you all may call me a weak fool without a backbone who’s running away from himself again, like he has always done.
I’m an addict. I’m an autist. But most of all, I’m a man in recovery. I’m mé, regardless of whatever issues, labels or problems. I’m a partner. A son. A brother. A steph father. I’m a lot, but not a victim of the past.
My way : AA, NA, the Minnesota Model, CBT, Mindfullness, Meditation and whatever else comes on my way helping me achieving my goals.