Were you a psychology major? That is some deep stuff.
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Most of that comes from my own recovery work, a combination of what I learned in group and what I learn in my personal counselling sessions 
You would make a good counselor. Your insight and personality would match well with such a career.
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I remember when I first started AA that I would ask people who had years sober this question:
What did you do to get there?
I asked a lot of people and got an answer every single time. Learned a lot of good stuff. Like a looooot. I wouldnāt just look at them and go oh good for them I hope I can get there too. I would literally pull them aside after a meeting or call them on the phone and ask.
Since Iāve been on this site a few years now I donāt know if Iāve ever been asked that question. A lot of people congratulate me or ask about a specific problem, but I donāt remember one person asking āhey derek, howād ya do it?ā
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All due respect, in your case we donāt often have to ask. 
Iām being cheeky, yeah. But also some of what you posted before I even showed up helped me a lot when I wasnāt sure yet what the hell to do myself.
Thatās the weird thing about a forum. A lot has already been said, and anyone can come along and be affected or benefit from the experience long after weāve shared it with someone else.
I tried almost everything anyone cool and recovered on here talked about when I snuck in. From you, for example, I decided I should probably go check out meetings. And yo, that s**t is rad.
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Iāve legit been waiting for this.
After two failed attempts at doing it my own way I felt truly hopeless. I always thought I could beat addiction doing it my way (gotta love that addict hubris). During my second relapse I really lost touch with reality. But thatās when I became truly ready. I finally found my way back to rehab. Which was great to dry me out and get me through withdrawals. I can share more on this, but rehab didnāt keep me sober, AA did.
After rehab I went directly to a meeting that night to get my 30 day chip. Then my parents drove me from Pittsburgh to Syracuse (where I did most of my drugging). I had absolutely no sober network when I got there. However, within a few days I found myself back at AA. And I found myself there often. And even though I was in rough shape and not speaking, the regular members saw me there a lot and started reaching out (I was pretty unapproachable in my opinion). Some would even say pushy, but clearly it was what I needed.
After about a month I got a sponsor (NA) and started working the steps. I also started IOP around this time. I was hitting 14-18 meetings a week and started immersing myself into the sobriety lifestyle. I think I tried pretty much everything that was suggested to me. At this point I had admitted to myself that doing things my own way was dumb so I just did what the sober people did. And I did this for a long time.
Around 10 months I switched to an AA sponsor and went through the book quickly. My personal life was not great during this time and the steps literally saved my life.
Around 18 months I started to settle into relative comfort. I think thatās when I truly believed I didnāt have to drink or drug. I consider this the beginning of my maintenance phase where I do things to stay balanced and true to myself. I became comfortable with my thought process and decision making.
A few years in and I still go to AA, although not nearly as often. I also do service work for the area AA convention.
For me there was definitely struggling early on but I think itās a myth that sobriety is hard forever. I made it a lot harder early on because I was still a mess, but these days itās pretty easy to maintain sobriety.
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congratulations friend!
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Nothing in my life was ever improved by just sitting around waiting for things to get better. Any improvement in my life was a result of working for it.
Thatās why I donāt often tell people āoh itāll get betterā. No TF it wonāt, you gotta go out and make it better. Thereās the expectation that sobriety just automatically improves everything. Also not true. Sobriety just allows me to be in a place to actually work on the change I want to see.
So Iām not going to hollowly promise someone itāll get better, but I will tell them they can work to make it better.
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Well said. Even where Iām at now I see new areas where I need work everyday. I see where I slack and your right, nothing will change without putting in the work
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Damn boi, good shit this day.
With the right amount of desperation, all things are possible.
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I tell people it will get better but I shouldnāt assume they are participating in a recovery program. In the beginning I had to trust that the people with sobriety werenāt lying to me and had faith in what they were telling me. I needed to here that, and they were right.
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My boss just created a new rule:
Donāt bitch about a problem to her unless you have an idea for a solution or are at least willing to work on the solution.
I dunno, seems like pretty good advice for life in general.
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It is. Very true. You can lead a horse to water. Thatās my truth and tough love for today.
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I didnāt realize how much this was my biggest pet peeve both drunk and sober. But sober I realized it was probably also my own worst character defect.
Embarrassing in hindsight cuz it really made everything more frustrating for everyone around me, and for myself.
Whatās been neat is the more I try to āstay in the solution,ā I find itās also a little contagious. So thatās cool.
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EMPLOYEE: Bossā¦ Youāre terrible and make this job a nightmare. My solution is you fuck right off outta here and leave us to get on with it and get happy.
BOSS: Iām glad you came to me with this, and the solution you have offered is valid and appropriate. I will quit, pack up my desk and be gone by COB today.
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My boss did something similar. It was supposed to be a 30 day challenge. We all put bracelets on our right wrist. If we complained without a solution, the bracelet got moved to left wrist for the rest of the day and you had to start your 30 days over the next day. No one could get past 4 consecutive days except me and that was only because of my AA program. After a week, everyone gave up. My boss was the worst. I donāt think she got past 2 days.
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Iāve participated regularly in AA for four years now. Sober 20 months. Absolutely adore my AA folks. Iām the social chair of our whole chapter. I worked with a therapist and still do. Donāt have sponsor or work the steps(officially) though in reality I am living those steps, especially the first three. I participate in other sobriety and spiritual communities. Really canāt believe how utterly amazing this sober life is.
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At my first stint in rehab I remember being ādiagnosedā with bi-polar and a few other mental health issues. And boy o boy did I ride that shit as an excuse for everything. Lost my temper? Well you canāt be mad, Iām bi-polar. Relapse? Hard to stay sober when Iām bi-polar. Seriously I rode that ādiagnosisā as far as I could. I could insert any mental health issue into any excuse to get myself of the hook from doing the things I needed to be doing.
The fucked up part about this is people co-signed this bullshit for far too long. And all I did was continue to hurt myself as a result.
My bi-polar/depression/social anxiety/etc might be a root cause of my addiction, but itās an absolute bullshit excuse to not get sober.
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So true. In fact, the root mental health issues are exacerbated by alcohol and cannot then be treated properly without sobriety. IMO
I would never have been able to work on my anxiety and depression if I still drank, even with professional help. I know because I tried.
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At least you tried. I was quite content to not treat my mental health so I could have an excuse to not to get better anywhere else.
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