So much yes here. Good post!
Askhole - someone who asks you for help then doesn’t let you help them.
Heard this in a NA meeting last night and it made me laugh.
The only way relapse is part of recovery is if dying counts as getting sober.
I have a friend like this, drives me nuts, asks for advice, ignores advice then moans about situation still being shit!
Bro, I am with you. During this last iteration, I read it, and clinched my teeth so hard, I thought I would crack my crowns.
I have noticed a bit of a trend. This throwaway statement is usually made by folks who are both new to sobriety, and new to the forum. They are at the “parrot stage”, I think. Haven’t had enough time for observation and introspection, to spot the patterns, trends and leading indicators of success and relapse.
If someone had 2, 3, 10 years of sobriety and then relapsed, would we still say it’s “part of recovery”? That’s like saying “losing is part of winning”. No, it is the opposite of winning. Is “falling part of flying”? How about “darkness is part of light”?
Better to counsel “yes, you relapsed. Yes, you made the same mistakes many of us have. No, you aren’t a piece of crap, even though you feel like it. This is addict-thinking. Learn. Reset. Recommit. Put it behind you where it both is, and where it belongs. Get better at getting better.”
A little louder for the people in the back
Very true. But I think it is also that the word “relapse” gets thrown around a little too easily. After 2 or 3 days you haven’t relapsed…you never really started in recovery to relapse from. I’m not saying it isn’t hard, or that they didn’t try, or any of that…because I’ve done it!!! It is only with time that I can now see that I really just wasn’t ready yet to quit. Maybe THAT is part of the recovery process…learning what is absolutely your last straw, your rock bottom. Not everyone who comes here is quite at that stage yet. Often we are still in the “thinking about it and hoping it’s not as bad as we fear it is” stage. And that is great too…it’s great to have people come here in that contemplation stage because maybe they’ll figure out what they need before their life goes too sour.
Darkness is the absence of light. Even the dimmest of lights negates darkness. Light and dark cannot coexist. It’s science.
Applied to relapse: I cannot be recovering, if I am relapsing. Relapse and recovery cannot coexist in a single moment. The instant I take the first drink, my recovery is interrupted. It is a stoppage in the process. It is a true zero-sum game.
Is it the end of the world? It can be, if I allow it to continue. If I allow the relapse process to proceed. If I stop drinking and recommit to sobriety, I have reentered recovery, albeit from a position of deficit, mentally, spiritually, and physically. I must retake the lost ground, regain the initiative in my recovery. When in relapse, I have lost the initiative.
Ha yes this is very true.
So true. This is why I only had one relapse. All my other quits were just momentary intentional temporary pauses in my drinking addiction…which I planned to resume after some milestone was reached. My relapse occurred when I had made the decision to quit forever, had decided to be better, and then made the conscious decision to take a drink, when presented with a life-event upon which to hang my excuse.
I have been in recovery for 596 days. Relapse has no place in this process.
Pretty sure youd never have relapse if you maintained sobriety. I dont think theres any darkness on the sun. Where there is light, there is no darkness. Which means that if you relapse, you are not sober.
It wasn’t until I addressed my addiction in absolute terms, until I declared total war, did recovery become possible. As long as I was willing to coexist with alcohol, be willing to negotiate with my addiction, I was still wearing chains.
“Zero”: the amount of alcohol I am willing to drink.
“Forever”: the time I have set for my recovery, before I will consider suspending it.
All this light and dark stuff got my head spinning. I’ll say this. It’s dark in the grave and that’s a very likely outcome of a relapse. Only by the Grace of God did I survive mine. If I relapse again my recovery is over because I won’t survive. I’d rather die than go through active addiction again
Askhole, brilliant
I won’t take them. I have them listed as an allergy in my online medical record. I’m not saying people shouldn’t take them but I won’t.
I’m driving right now so I will give a better response later lol.
God bless red lights
I can see the dichotomy in this. I wouldn’t necessarily consider that a relapse, if you took them as prescribed, and ceased when you no longer needed them to manage pain. I choose to not take anything at all.
I had to have a root-canal, about 4 months into my sobriety. My doctor prescribed vicodin for the pain. Since I didn’t want to break my sobriety, I chose to not fill the prescription, and just used an ice pack and OTC tylenol for the first day. Yeah it sucked, and I’m not saying I could have withstood the pain of say a compound fracture, but if I have the choice of whether or not to ingest a mind-altering substance, I choose not to. Had a lower-back issue sometime ago. Said “no” to the flexeril, as those really make me feel “groovy”. I am comfortable being uncomfortable.
Of course, your mileage may vary.
To me, if something is a part of something, then everyone would experience it.
Death is a part of life, if you never die, you were never alive.
Relapse is a part of sobriety, if you relapse, you were never sober…
Idk, the second one doesn’t feel right. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t and maybe I’m just…