Ive used weed as an emotional stabilizer for so long, now that Ive quit … everything is crashing on me. I struggle from so many flashbacks… of a sexual abusive step father… a narcissistic, substance abuse, emotional and physical abusive mother who blamed me for what happened… a mentally abusive and alcoholic of a father who did a lot more damage reuniting with him than when he wasnt around… a few mental, emotional, and physical abusive ex-boyfriends… manipulating family & friends i was once closw with… the guilt of being the reason for a death of a loved one I was once close with who helped me through therapy and saved me from my last & second suicide attempt… But one step at a time right? Because of all of this, I had to be strong at a very young age, or appear to be. And the excessive need to get everything right, when nothing is perfect. Pride was definitely my problem, when all I had to do is cry it out or talk to someone… and go through the process. That is the only way out.
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