Welcome to the show Kitty. This has been my favorite show for 3 years now. Like you I secretly looked for an app to help me with my drinking problem. I figured they got an app for everything else right? I also hid it from my wife for about a week or ten days. Then I came clean. I told her what I was doing. And how I was tired of planning every waking minute around my/our next drink. She still drinks. It was a great talk and she supports me.
I spend about as much time on here as I use to spend drinking. Which means I’m on here a lot.
Thinking about quitting drinking forever scares the hell out of me. Even still. But I don’t think about not drinking forever anymore. I just think “I’m not drinking today. And I’m probably not drinking tomorrow.” ODAAT. One day at a time.
I see Rosa hopped on to give you lots of great threads to check out.
My favorite thread and strongest tool is Gratitude. When I’m sober I got so much to be grateful for. I bet you do too. My friend who has over 20 years sober told me he still writes a gratitude list every morning. I wanted what he had. So I start my day right here.
And it works for me.
Grate bunch of people on this thread.
When I’m drinking. I got nothing! Well I had shame and guilt and a bunch of those other fuckers. Some wise person on here said you got to spend as much or more time on your sobriety as you did drinking.
Have a good read around. Keep an open mind. Don’t look to the future. When I first started On here I was intimidated by people that had years of sobriety. Thinking I’ll never get where they are. But this is not a contest. Just learn from everyone. ASK FOR HELP. And by all means understand that we are totally 
powerless over alcohol. If I have one drink. All bets are off.
Congratulations on your 20 ODAATs
We’re here for ya. The lights are always one.
