I’m back on my weekly binge drinking again. Some weeks have been ok but it always ends up with me eventually going over the deep end. Not really sure how much I drank this time. And apparently I was drunk dialing people and was fighting with my husband in a crazy, verbally abusive manner. I made it to a meeting yesterday. It was awkward. Afterwards, one person told me maybe another meeting would better for me, an EA meeting. Like it sounds more like I have a lot of internal crap to process. I’m not physically addicted to the alcohol and I can go long periods without it. I’m not sure anymore what I am and what I’m not…
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I’m with you. My reset log is embarrassing. We just keep trying, right? Hang in there!
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Thank you. I really appreciate your comments! Alcoholism runs in my family and I’ve dealt with it enough to know there are varying degrees of Alcoholism so when this person said this to me, I just figured maybe they just didn’t know. I do think they were trying to help though. I had never heard of EA and it does sound like a good support group too. But yes I agree, maybe I have some kind of physical addiction but mine runs it’s course in longer periods, weekly, monthly, etc. I have thought about that too. I definitely will try another meeting.
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Thank you! I’m trying to take a step back at look at everything and when I do I can attribute alcohol for being the reason I have done some really stupid and horrible things. Taking how often I drink out of the equation, it usually ends up the same with me being a total asshole. I’m definitely in a vicious cycle that I need break.
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Thank you!
Oh yes I understand exactly what you mean Andrea! But you can stop the cycle. Now! You can not change the past. What is done is done and what is said is said. But you can change everything in your life in the future. Keep going back to meetings but to a different one. And stay on this app. This has helped me to make a sober path in my life. With the help of these wonderful people I managed to stay sober for 7 months. But it’s hard work. Every day. And I did not stay on here and stopped working on my sobriety. So I am back at the beginning again. But don’t ever give up because you are worth a happy and sober life. 
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Hello Andrea 
Thank you for sharing. I can imagine how exhausted and mainly desperate you must feel.
You’re not happy with drinking, you’re feeling guilty and probably ashamed afterwards. I think you’re little bit addicted. Otherwise why would you grab the drink when you already know the consequences?
I definitelly agree and support you going to any meeting recommended to you by specialists 
I’m really sorry for what you’re going through. I had the same behaviour when I used to drink and got myself drunk. I would remember almost nothing and I would treat others (mainly the closest ones) in absolutely horrible way. This behaviour was one of the main things why I eventually found the strength to stop drinking alcohol for good 
I wish you all the best. Don’t look back too much in meaning of regrets. Every day, every minute or second, you can start a new life. Look back only for experience and lessons. The things you walked through are unique. They’re paradoxically our lead from unhappy life. They’re showing us which way is the wrong one. All we need to do is follow.
Remember as much as you can from your past. All the 
you had to experience. Not to panish yourself, but as a reminder for every time when you have a feeling that you would like to drink again. Having these memories from my past is helping me to get over time when I am triggered (which is now very occassionall 
).
Good luck, Andrea 
Stick with us
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I just looked up EA (emotions anonymous) and actually think that looks really good! Like you I have a lot of stuff to process and don’t really know how. I am on the wait list for therapy but I am going to check this out in the meantime.
Like you I was not physically addicted to alcohol, as in not a daily drinker, however I have found great strength and support and in the recovery community. Just because I wasn’t out of work, homeless, in jail etc doesn’t mean my relationship with alcohol was a good one. Like @Becsta says the term ‘alcoholic’ isn’t one with a clear definition.
I don’t know the intention of the person who mentioned EA to you - they may have meant to check it out as well… I haven’t been to AA so can’t really advise, but if you wanted to speak to someone about it, maybe whoever chaired the group? Or there are lots of other meetings (in and outside of AA) - see the resources for our recovery thread for some ideas. I am going to add EA to it!
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