How do you deal with how bad you treated people while drunk? The guilt is eating me alive. I feel bipolar. I’m fine one minute then hysterical the next because I know I’ve been such a bad mom and wife.
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My personal experience, it takes, and is taking a long time, I look at it like if I’m staying sober and working the 12 steps of recovery, then I will get resolution and not feel like a monster anymore by making amends for my wrongs to others, cleaning house, and actively trying to keep my side of the street clean. I will recover and these feelings will go away. Knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel has made me accept that I’m going to feel like garbage during the process until these points I made are accomplished. Just keep plugging away and I recommend going through the steps fearlessly and honestly, in the end you will feel better. That’s just my take on it, I’m sure others have good advice also! 
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For me…I had to give myself some grace. First thing, I had to get sober, to change who I was. Amends will come in time. Be sober today, be active here, and it will eventually get better.
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That all make sense, I guess I will just feel like a terrible person until I’ve done enough to feel like I’ve made up for it. Last week my 13 year old had to call a friend to come to the house because I had passed out and couldn’t take care of the younger kids. I feel like an absolute waste of space. My husband was tdy to a different state. I am just having such a hard time. Not even struggling not to drink, just struggling with myself.
I was talking to a friend about this last night. The saying goes that a drunk tongue speaks a sober mind, or reveals your true feelings, but in the case of how we behave around and treat others, we’re not fully in control. Sometimes we lose it completely and make utter fools of ourselves. It can cary a lot of embarrassment and guilt, but it can also act as a reason to succeed in our recovery so that we may never have those experiences again. At some point, you’ll forgive yourself for acting out of character at certain moments, but it doesn’t go away completely. All you can do, is everything you can do to remain sober.
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It’s really hard to let the past go. We definitely want to learn from our mistakes, but if we hold on to that guilt it will affect how we act today. Everyday is a new day, right now is a new moment. Be the person you want to be today and let go of the person from yesterday. 
I think sometimes it’s harder to forgive ourselves than it is for anyone else to forgive us.
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I think you said that perfectly. I feel like I will never forgive myself.
Step 4 and 5.
I found step 4 to be a life changer…
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If you want to be better for the people that you love it’s a really important step. If you can’t do it for yourself do it for your children because you want to set an example that you can love yourself, forgive yourself and move on. You wouldn’t want them to hold on to such hate for themselves would you. We need to love ourselves to be better people. Deep down you know you are a good person. find that person and give her a big hug.
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