Five days ago I decided I wanted to actually start living my life before its over.
I would smoke weed or a nicotine vape everday. If i dont have those things I turn to alcohol. I couldnt wake up without wanting weed, couldnt eat without it, used it to calm myself, and to cover up my problems. It would be my plans for the day. Sitting on the couch and smoking weed. Id fall asleep with my vape in my hand or just hold it even when not smoking. Like it was a security blanket or something.
Ive started to realize that I dont know myself. I dont have a favorite band or movie, I cant remember the names. (I tend to delve into other peoples interests but thats another topic 
#codependency)
Im 25, but Ive smoked almost everyday the past 7 years with no real breaks. Maybe a month at most to restart my tolerance.
Im ready to start remembering my days, weeks, months, years, IN ORDER. I want to be a mom some day. I want a sober house with sober family events.
I dont want to be overlooking the Earth with my creator, showing me a re-run of my life, and see that I was high for most of it. Then to hear that it was wasted.
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All that we need in the beginning is a desire to do something different. Sounds like you are there, and here you’re going to be supported.
Surrounded yourself with like minded folks and you will be amazed.
Feelings and emotions are normal–we wouldn’t have been born with them if they weren’t. Sounds like you are already feeling some at work. The restless, irritable and discontent will pass as long as we stay the course my friend.
We talk them out or unfortunately we will act them out, and us addicts & alcoholics act them out in real shitty ways. Hugs!
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Yes im definitely wanting different. Im glad to have found this app, because otherwise I only know one person who is sober.
Im really glad to hear the irritable will pass with time… maybe i should see that as a reward for staying the course.
I do know what you mean there Ive started to see the differences between sober and addict reactions.
Thank you for the kind words friend 
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Yes I am now 20 days off of alcohol. At first I didn’t know what to do with myself or what my real personality was. Then I realized a lot of things I did were really just an excuse to disappear and microdose amounts of liquor secretly through out the day. It feels so much better now. Noone finding empty bottles… Nothing to hide. No smell to cover up. One day at a time. The confusion and irritability will pass. 
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Congrats on 20 days!
Wow thats very relatable. I would rush meetings or events just so i could go home and smoke.
Im glad to know youre feeling better. This gives me hope.
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